To anyone who is new and posting here:
We are a group of non-professional former and current caregivers.
AgingCare friends: let's tell new posters what they need to know upfront.
I'll start.
1. Don't promise your parent that you will never put them in a nursing home or other facility. Instead, say "I will never abandon you; if you need more care than I can provide, I will see that you get it. "
(or was it biblical scripture? Bill Murray? Newbies?--I don't even like that word, newbies).
Did I say something evil about parents? I hope not; mine were spectacularly wonderful.
Yup, I am an atheist. My atheism isn't a choice I made; I was born not believing and just haven't happened to believe in my 78 years.
As to honoring parents, I believe that our parents deserve our love and respect to the degree they sheltered and nurtured and loved us to the best of their ability. It is our parents choice to have us and we come to them completely helpless and needy, dependent on them for our every need. The manner in which those needs are met, or attempted to be met, often equals the manner in which they are honored by us when we have grown in my experience.
If I said something mean I hope whomever I said it to will let me know; I am always happy to talk (as we ALL know).
and PS: I have utterly no idea what's happening at this point, but reading down it looks like AgingCare DOES, and I trust them implicitly. Why don't we let them iron it out without using names that can cause further division.
A couple of instances months ago, everyone was responding trying to offer suggestions and "poof" the OP disappeared from the thread only for me to see they had started one or two others and were now just focused on those. It looks like they've disappeared altogether.
I finally am learning when to give up. Sometimes it's hard. It's kind of like those who hold up "I need help" signs on a street corner. Probably 95% don't really but, there's always those other 5% that do - how do you truly distinguish which is which?
Sometimes people continue it because they find the topic interesting or feel it could be of interest to other readers who are in the same situation.
I wholeheartedly agree with everything that you just expressed.
Who doesn’t hate bickering? You used the correct word.
No one should object to a different point of view or a healthy debate. We are able to learn from these conversations.
I find it ridiculous to have regular posters on the forum that believe that they are the resident geniuses and experts. It’s disturbing for anyone to see this, let alone a new poster. I left as a poster myself due to certain shenanigans. I came back due to the wonderful posters.
It’s the online forum in general that creates this environment.
It’s nice to have a place to ask questions, vent or have discussions.
Some feel it is a place to say things to others that they wouldn’t have the nerve to say to someone’s face.
I don’t have Facebook but I know the same thing happens on any online forum.
I am not publicly ‘mocking God’. Yes, a poster actually private messaged me and accused me of this!
LOL, I was also accused of standing in the way of someone’s ‘salvation’ due to being an independent thinker! Give me a break!!! I hardly think I have that much influence in someone’s life!
Isn’t this a caregiver site? When did it turn into a religious site? There are lovely religious threads that posters can participate in. No one is stopping them from doing that. Although they may even start trouble there!
I will say that their are various types of believers and non believers. Some are interesting, intelligent people, others are are like brainwashed cult members!
I am not anyone else’s judge, nor do I wish to be.
I respect people who are honestly sincere in their beliefs. I have no respect for hypocrites.
I honestly don’t care what faith a person is. I don’t care if they don’t believe in anything at all. None of it matters to me. I respect all people, regardless of personal beliefs.
I have been this way since I was a child. It simply never mattered to me.
The same goes for people who have different political beliefs.
Or gay, straight, whatever?
I am a ‘Live and let live’ type of person as long as it causes no one else any harm.
Basically, I think the best way to handle it is to respond civilly, let them know you will report the inappropriate comment and ask it be removed.
THEN make lemonade of lemons. A sense of humor is likely the best tool to get us through life's vagaries, large and small.
I agree. As the saying goes, ‘Consider the source!’
It started because this person did not appreciate that as she put it, ‘I was friendly with a proclaimed atheist on the forum.’
As I have said many, many times, ‘What difference does it make?’ Absolutely none to me.
I know that this will sound facetious but I truly don’t care if someone wants to worship a frog in their backyard! LOL
How does that harm me? It doesn’t. People can believe whatever they choose or not believe anything at all. It doesn’t matter to me.
I see people for who they are. I don’t set a certain criteria or have certain expectations of them like being a ‘Christian’ to be friendly with them.
These posters know that I will either call them out or blow them off.
I don’t need their approval. I know who I am. I could give a rat’s a** what they think of me.
By the way, I do not maintain private conversations in private messages with anyone who isn’t intelligent enough to see beyond themselves.
This behavior started long before the pandemic! It’s a personality issue.
I hate isolation but my personality hasn’t changed.
I agree that it is laughable and only a small amount of people. You can’t take it very seriously.
Many more people are helpful.
I am not hinting at anything. That would be passive aggressive. I spoke directly to the matter.
Of course, anyone is free to believe whatever they choose to believe.
What I wanted to comment on is your statement about, "It's kind of like those who hold up "I need help" signs on a street corner. Probably 95% don't really but, there's always those other 5% that do - how do you truly distinguish which is which?"
I used to chat with this guy online years ago after I got divorced, in 2001 I think. He had a job, a nice apartment, all the comforts of life..........but he'd go BEGGING on the street corners to make money & he made A LOT of it that way! After the evening was over, all of the 'beggars' would meet up at a local Denny's to COMPARE NOTES and count their 'earnings'!!!! Whoever got the most $$$$ that night bought the meals for everyone! What a racket, huh?
The way I determine if a person holding up a sign asking for help REALLY needs help is..............if he has a grocery cart with him filled with all of his belongings. THEN I feel he's truly homeless and in need of $$. Otherwise, if he's wearing Adidas sneakers and has a cup of Starbucks next to them, he's like my online friend...........a petty thief.
When advising others, we should realize there are many ways. They want to know what options are available, and we tell them. They don't have to do things exactly. We are just opening up ideas, to give them a way forward, and hope and support.
I feel the same way. I was merely adding to Cali’s comment.
Cali made great points!