People, please forgive me if you don't find this amusing. My sense of humour is my best defense against my 90-something mother's dementia and her constant unreasonable demands. I was inspired to write this when I noticed that I was almost out of peanut butter - and it occurred to me how my mother would interpret it: Perfect sense: "Hey - my peanut butter jar on the kitchen counter is almost empty! I don't remember almost finishing off that peanut butter. Someone must have stolen it! Someone broke into my apartment and stole my peanut butter!! But there's no sign of break-in. It must have been someone in management who has a key! It must be Eva because she looks Eastern European. Also, she's overweight, so she's probably one of those people who can't control their eating. Yes that's it! She saw my peanut butter during the annual apartment inspection last month, and she resolved to come back to steal it!! I'm calling the police!" We did in fact have to convince her to not call the police when she thought a small bathroom rug was stolen which the caregiver had taken out to wash. Another time she was absolutely convinced that someone stole her prune juice! She had hidden it under the couch and when I found it, it was past the due date so I threw it out. And she's so upset when we don't seem to believe her - she complains that we believe everybody else except her. Everyone here seems to have similar stories. Sigh.
Oh, yes. I'm just the Dummy Daughter Driver. The other day in the grocery store my mother didn't understand how she could buy 3 bottles of laundry detergent (buy 2 get 1 free on store special) plus use 2-$1 off 1 bottle coupons. She's the Coupon Queen (grew up during the Depression), but now she's finding it hard to actually figure out how to USE those coupons she incessantly clips. I TOLD her it was all good, that she would only pay for 2 of three bottles PLUS she would get $1 off each of THOSE bottles.
"So I have to buy another 3?" NO. Just could NOT understand. And of course I the Dummy Daughter couldn't POSSIBLY be right. So she asked a worker. When she started explaining it to us, I quickly told her that *I* understood, but that my mother thought I was stupid, so maybe SHE could explain it to her.
I resent wasting my time on this. She just won't give up control, and of course I the Dummy Daughter Driver can't possibly know what's going on.
A few months ago some of us were talking at the pool about our parents. My resentment about it is pretty obvious. One woman told me I shouldn't be doing any caregiving for my mother. BINGO! But I have no choice. So what I have done is set very strong boundaries on when I will take my shut-in mother out. I can't survive emotionally otherwise.
My husband and I had just dropped her back off, as she had ridden to church with us. No sooner had we gotten home when mom called hysterical and in tears asking us to please come over now.
So we went back over there, and she had an overflowed, messy toilet, and was convinced someone had broken in to use her toilet and overflowed it on purpose! It was sad but at the same time, I had to try not to laugh at the thought of someone breaking in just to use the crapper!
And they barely even know these people.
This one day at her AL she was up walking when I came in, without her walker. I asked her what she was doing and she said "looking for the baby). I explained there were no babies at the facility because it was all adults. She looked at the Medtech and said " if you tell me there are no babies I will believe you, I don't believe her". Gerry told her there were no babies and Mom said OK and went on her way.
Thank you for sharing with us. It definitely helps to see the lighter side and have a good sense of humor. Your mother is lucky to have you.