I decided today to just cut out lots of what I do for Mom. There are some things I will continue to do such as her finances, pay bills, etc every 2 weeks and speak with her on the phone.
She gets lots of help. Lady to clean/do groceries/laundry, 2 PSW's/day, other friends/family when she asks them. This has helped me with my decision.
Wish I had done this years ago but I didn't know what I was getting into. If she doesn't get what she wants IMMEDIATELY, she just starts phoning people until she finds someone who will do what she wants. I have spent countless hours of my life doing things for her only to find out, she has recruited others working on the same things for her.
There is no talking to her about it. I've tried for years and today, after she had a temper tantrum again, I decided after i got home, enough . This has been a long time coming, with many repeated attempts, but something is different now in me.
It makes me feel sad to do this (I wish I could have a family) but today I looked at my Dad's picture (he passed away May14, 2021) and said "Dad, I have really really tried my best but there is nothing more I can do".
Mom isn't evil, she's just Mom. A lady who likes going her own way and will do and say anything she needs to get what she wants. She says lots of things about lots of things and it doesn't matter to her who she hurts to get it.
There are some family members who dont' talk to me or like me now as they listen to Mom and there will be no setting the record straight for me as I would like. They have had to pick her and that's just the way it is.
One friend (a women who married mom's nephew who died 10 years ago) does anything Mom asks her to. This woman has been good to Mom but she doesn't know her place. It's got to the point where this woman is so emboldened that she feels entitled to lecture me and give me directions as to what I should do with my family. At my father's service, she stood beside my Mother and brother while I stood off to the side with my husband. She walked over with my mother to the dad's urn instead of me. She will phone me up and talk in her nurse voice (she's a retired nurse) at me while I roll my eyes. This woman still thinks she is working in a hospital and that Mom's her patient and I'm a subordinate underling she can tell what to do. When Mom falls and paramedics show up, this woman is front and centre talking to them while I'm ignored.
I've decided that as Mom calls her up for help, then I can bow out more and this woman will take care of everything. Knock yourself out. I'm sure this woman will be in there like a dirty shirt when my Mom's time comes and I'll be left out. However, Mom calls her up and so that's her business.
All the people who have made the mistake of thinking they have greater status then me or my brother in our own family are going to pay the price later. Our Mom has created this not us. I don't say anything because there is futile. I have tried to explain things to people but it never ends well for me. Once Mom is gone, these people will be cut out permanently by me. They will be ignored and not invited to anything I might have. I won't be surprised if one of them organizes something for my Mom (hey, knock yourself out) and try to invite me to it. That is how arrogant and emboldened they have been by Mom who doesn't care if she throws her family away.
That's just Mom.
Sorry, but that sounds indeed evil.
It's too bad that many folks don't appreciate their own daughters and would prefer to rely on others who don't always have their best interests at heart. By the time they find out that fact, it can be too late it many cases as the "good friends" can wind up to be the scammers, in reality.