I signed up on here 4 days ago. I have paid attention to all the questions and statements people post. All the situations people talk about. It is depressing. If this forum was my only view of what life is, I would be totally mentally destroyed. I bet for every one bad circumstance on here there are 100 or 1000 good or a lot better circumstances. Not everyone suffers the way it is shown on here. Not sure I am finding what I need on here or that I can even go on looking at the forum thread. I do not want to get consumed with this kind of negativity. I appreciate all the hardships everyone has who are posting on here though. I understand it. I just thought there might be a lot more positive stories.
I find here, like minded caregivers, who are dealing with the same struggles of loss. I can't always voice my experiences to friends who haven't gone through this-although there are two friends who have and we support each other. I've enrolled in two courses on dementia-one at UPenn and the other in New Zealand, a research study group and a general dementia support group and may add another support group to the mix. I'm gonna learn as much as I can, give back to reasearch and comment here. We ain't got much, but we got each other.
"Old age ain't for sissies" Betty Davis to Johnny Carson
I love this Forum. Is it an addiction? Oh, my, yes. I would need more than 12 steps to get away from HERE. I have tried!
Your response is so beautiful.
:) i think that’s too optimistic.
I had a job as a personal assistant for a neighbor. But I wanted to stay home and be with mom, and play cards. Or have lunch with her.
She passed. I became my dad's full time caregiver since 2014. He doesn't want to pay someone. Plus, the house is cluttered and caregivers don't want to work here.
He can be difficult sometimes to be with. Complaining, screaming and unreasonable.
I want to go out and live life, while I'm still young, but dad
needs my help. I try to make time for myself, it's not enough. I need my space.
I want a peaceful home.
Ive posted here about my father and have received a lot of emotional support and advice. At the same time there were posts addressing his state of health. It's hard to make incontinence, amputations and losing loved ones positive but I can assure you this is genuinely a good group of folks all dealing with a very stressful, unpleasant time in life. Just know that you are with good people, James.
James came here to hear about how it could get worse. While people's stories differ, we're usually at the stage where it has gotten worse for the parent and/or us.
Sure, it is depressing to know that with age, there is only decline. And with decline, the senior often tends to issue more demands while being less kind and less reasonable.
You can find positive stories here. There are threads that take months of back-and-forth of posts: a woman so beaten down by family caregiving and their horrible family when, buoyed by support and guidance here, we slowly see her find her internal strength to stand up for herself and take action to relieve herself of horrific burdens.
Often, we help with terrible situations here. This forum saved my life. You write you would be "mentally destroyed." Well, my life was mentally, emotionally, and physically destroyed. Others here will state the same thing. That this forum is too harsh for you tells me your situation isn't too dire--and I'm truly relieved for you. A few years ago, in one month, I saw two headlines to threads where the posters were in such a bad state they were ready to commit suicide. Many of us do our best give them help.
I think you're right :} LOL
Here you go, James.....EVENTHAT told his long story on this thread of how he devoted his entire life to caring for his mother fulltime, unpaid, for 4 years during the sunset of her life and even described "wiping her behind". She died during the few hours he was away from her while she was hospitalized, unfortunately, and now he'll be trying to find employment in his mid 50s.
I don't post much but I am an exhausted caregiver trying to find support during a very stressful time.
negativity may be what you see here right now because you aren't at the point where you need this group.
when you get to the point that you need us, we will be here.
what is your caregiver situation? I feel like we can help you if you post a specific need
He doesn’t need us.
Yet
I think it would be great if you started your own forum, moderated to only have the most positive aspects of caregiving. Please show us how you undestand this, as well as the 100 or 1000 good or better circumstances you cite. That would make for a very substantial presence on the web.
Of course, James is trolling for bait to assuage his need to feel superior to those of us in the trenches. Last weekend here was awful, his observations are trite and I could always use a chuckle.
Mom and Dad were in a LTC facility together and then she passed at 96. Dad still had his faculties but I lived 9 hours away so we needed to be creative particularly during Covid when visiting required crossing the US/Canadian border and isolating for 2 weeks each time I went. (which was expensive but cool considering I'm completely okay with solitude.)
During the 18 months I had Dad to myself we spoke on the phone @ 1:00pm each day for 1/2 hour and Facetimed each Monday. We had a nice rhythm! One of the lovely things I didn't anticipate was the my very reserved Dad came out of his shell when we spoke and I had the opportunity to learn about grandparents, aunts and uncles I'd never met, about his life before he met my mom (and all his hijinks with his best friend) and multitude of other previously unknown facts about him. I'm so grateful for that time with him! It was a blessing I hadn't expected and I'll never forget the look on his face when I arrived to be with him as he left this world (even though it was the dead of winter and he told me not to drive up) He sat his recliner, sick as a dog with Covid and said "You came" and started to weep. (I'd never seen him cry before and believe me when I say they were tears of joy) I stayed with him in my ppe for the last 36 hours of his life and consider myself one lucky daughter!
So there's my happy story. Hope that helps :-))
"You better go look for a Walt Disney forum".
LOL! That is priceless.
I am not you, nor you I,
Sharing or burden?