My mother is 87 years old. My father passed away 5 yrs ago this April from complications of Alzheimers. My mother's common sense and logic are not visible anymore. She will get upset and mix up different events that have gone on and talking to her in a logical manner doesn't reach her needs. I need tools how how to speak to her when this occurs.
Logic and reasoning are gone. all they have is their past, and even if it gets scrambled, it's still their memories... and in the long run, it doesn't matter if the facts are straight... they need conversation just like anyone else.. sometimes I just listen and watch and try to see where the conversation is headed as Sonny doesn't always have the words for what he is trying to say.... sometimes I fill in the word, I can tell by his tone if he is asking a question or telling me something... the more we talk, the more he comes out of that Alz. isolation... and we laugh a lot. I will say things about something going on and he'll laugh.. when he laughs I do, because for just for a few seconds he feels ''normal'... I just try to follow his lead. I never correct him, never argue with him, and touch him a lot. Sometimes when he is getting flustered because he is hunting for a word, I will just take ahold of his hand, sometimes that redirects him... I am very blessed that Sonny is very sweet and still recoginzes when someone is showing him love and support. It won't always be this way, so am very grateful for the time I have with him.....
Logic and reasoning are seldom going to get through to her when she is in one of these "mixed up" frames of mind. Fortunately, logic and reason are seldom necessary to carry on a pleasant conversation. If she is upset that she isn't getting the details straight, you can reassure that the details aren't important right now, and you'd really like to hear more about .... " whatever topic you can pull out of the tangle.
She needs to trust that you are logical and have common sense and can take care of her. She doesn't need to be helped to be logical herself, because in most cases that isn't possible.
This is a very difficult journey. It sounds like you are approaching it in love, and that will take you a long way.
Can you remember how your mother talked to your dad after he became mixed up? Was it effective or would you like to improve on it? How about how you handled conversation with him?