Unlucky with the mother figures in my life...

My mother-in-law is somewhat racist, but that story is for a different day. For now, I'd like to share how I have extreme difficulty in dealing with my mother.

There's been a lot of resentment from my experiences growing up. My mother was controlling, manipulative, and always just extremely angry if you don't give in to her. One of my most unforgettable memories was of me being an honor student in first grade, but because I refused to curl my hair, my mother beat me up with her high heels. If you look at pictures of me on stage with my awards, my eyes were swollen from crying - all because I refused to curl my hair. The most important part of the day should have been my achievements, not the hair curlers.

Anyway, fast forward to after college, I ended up moving to the US all by myself. I think I was really destined to be removed from a toxic environment and be placed far from it. But phone calls I have with my mother are almost always unpleasant.

I think my dad and I have always known that my mother's emotions are uncontrollable. One small thing and she can turn into full on crazy; and it's become more unmanageable now that she is almost 70.

I invested in a property in my hometown and I've been sending my monthly dues payments for this property to my mother. Because of the recent pandemic, property management has now allowed online payments, so I opted to use this for convenience. I also did not want my parents to have to drive there due to safety concerns.

After my mother found out about this, she freaked out. She was screaming at me on the phone, almost to the point that she was hyperventilating. She told me I will be the cause of heart attack and ultimate death because:

1. She is worried that property management will not provide us with a receipt. In the past, they have always been slow providing any sort of acknowledgement to payments made and she is worried that they won't receive the online payment and we'll get penalized. But let's just say she's right - I'm still not going to sweat it over $70. I'll chalk it up to experience and find a different solution. I'm not going to scream at someone to death over $70.

2. Because I have opted to not send her the money anymore, I no longer trust her. In her own words, "she doesn't understand why I trust property management MORE than her when they have been slow and have been lying to us all these years." I do not know these people nor have I met any of them. I simply opted for online payments for convenience and safety.

3. I took an important thing away from her. Visiting the property and making these payments in person has been something that's kept her busy; she looks forward to it every month. Now she has nothing to look forward to anymore.

I would gladly continue the old method in which we've been making these payments, if it's something she enjoys, but why scream at me? Why can't that just be communicated properly like a normal person?

From my own research, I think she could be suffering from BPD, but I don't know for sure. She is somewhat open to seeing a medical professional, but it depends on her mood - which, often times, is not good. What is the best way to help her? I'm also an only child, so I have no one to share the emotional burden; it's taking a toll on me and my body.

It also seems like much of her negative thoughts occur in the middle of the night or the crack of dawn. Is there something that happens to the body/the brain that results in heightened (negative) emotions this time of the day?

As a note, one common thing I have found from my mother and mother-in-law, both of them never had to work. Once their children left home, they never got back into the workforce or even just go back out into the community, social settings.. just to see what's out there, keep busy, and have something to look forward to for their own personal self-fulfillment. They've spent years and years just watching TV/soaps, nagging on their husbands to come home from work.