First, the good news: Chuck is doing very well with his liver transplant. April 29 will mark the one year anniversary of his transplant at the Mayo Clinic. He's showing no signs of rejection, is off 80% of his medications, and his follow up tests and visits show him to be a super star. He's back to photographing birds every morning with my son, even in minus 5 degree weather, so that pretty much says it all. My avatar pics are of his birds.
Now for the bad news: I've mentioned before having a surface melanoma on my arm removed in October of 2021. An "in situ" mole of no consequence where all the melanoma 'was removed successfully'. This was a result of having a dozen beauty marks on both arms blow up like balloons after the 2nd Covid shot, grow scabs on them, and when the scab fell off, the beauty mark disappeared entirely. Except for the one. And all of it was not successfully removed after all, as a few cells must've escaped into my body and caused metastatic stage 4 cancer in my lymph nodes, liver, and bones. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago for excruciating pain in my left side where a CT scan with contrast was ordered. The cancer was discovered at that time, and I've spent the last 2 weeks in testing. The cancer is not in my brain, thank God.
The Oncologist told me there is immunotherapy available now for malignant melanoma. 2 types at once, administered via IV (no port) every 3 weeks x4. That's the goal. To turn on my immune system to kill off this cancer. 50% of immunotherapy patients are alive 2 years later. Idk what the percentage is at the 5 year mark. I've avoided doing research bc I'm overwhelmed enough already.
I'm having tremendous pain in my spine, ribs and liver, where the cancer is the worst. The Oncologist gave me some heavy duty pain meds and told me to wait it out until the IV starts kicking in to relieve my pain. He said I would live less than 2 months without treatment so my first treatment is tomorrow morning. The side effects can be gnarly and these infusions WILL kick my butt, he said. I'm ready, I think. Ain't no beauty mark gonna take ME down at 65! 😑
I'm useless at home, so Chuck is doing everything. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving to appointments. I have a housekeeper coming in to do the heavy cleaning and my stepson and his wife are cooking 7 dinners for us and bringing them by on Saturday. I have to make sure HE'S not overworked during this treatment process to where he gets sick. He's already overcome with worry and shock over all this as it is. I'll ask my stepson to repeat that meal making plan, too...they want to help & we need help.
We've had a lot to deal with the past year, and now my issues, which were there all along, just not apparent until recently. We wouldn't have been able to handle TWO of us sick at once anyway, so this is how it had to play out, I suppose.
The one bright spot I hold onto here is the dime I found on the floor of the ER room I'd been in ALL DAY where there was no dime on the floor. And when the gal was wheeling me back into the room from the CT scan, there it was. I kicked it across the floor to Chuck and he said, "what's that?" I said, "it's a dime from dad, telling me everything will be alright." He was speechless. Dad used to send me dimes all the time after he died in 2015, but stopped the past few years. I have a whole piggy bank full of them.
We can use all the prayers we can get right now, friends. I believe in prayers, in miracles and in signs from our deceased loved ones that they are with us in tough times. If you do too, please send up some prayers for Chuck and I right now.
Many thanks.
What you wrote about Fat and Slim chances leaving was really funny. It made me laugh. Some doctors can be so arrogant, their egos so big they can barely see anything else. That's when you have to give them a jolt and remind them that they are dealing with a person with dignity and name, and not an object with a room number attached.
I came across this scripture. It was Christ speaking. "I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly" (that it.might be full and meaningful). It is from John 10:10.
Stay strong. We all need you so.
I'm happy to continue posting scripture, I just wanted to make sure you want me to keep posting it xoxo
"But He knows the way that I take;
when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold."
- Job 23:10
From a commentary:
"Job challenged God’s justice, and God responded that Job doesn’t have sufficient knowledge about our complex universe to make such a claim. Job demanded a full explanation from God, and what God asks Job for is trust in his wisdom and character. "
source: https://bibleproject.com/blog/gods-gives-job-tour-wise-world
LL, keep on trusting Him and come out golden!
I remain having very positive thoughts for you and your outcome....and I'm wishing you easier days..lots of comfort..continued strength..and always love.
by the way, what a gorgeous couple you and Chuck make - your picture is fantastic. And now we all know that what comes along with your fabulous personality and great wit and brilliance also is combined with your beauty - inside and out!!
Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
XO
"Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each one of us lives only now, this brief instant. The rest has been lived already, or is impossible to see."
Sending hugs, too.
I don’t know if this will help or not, but if they haven’t mentioned it… if they are giving you cortisol, it can really mess with your head/mood/cause anger, etc. Just in case the flying brick burritos that Alva and I are going to stack next to your bed don’t feel like enough ammunition, lol.
You are in such a hard spot. The trade off of treatment seems like such a crapshoot. It’s weird, the thought of the actual moment of death seems easier to deal with sometimes than all of the potential crap/pain/debilitation leading up to that moment.
Thinking all of this through and the constant pivoting with new problems has got to be beyond exhausting. Hugs.
I just realized that Alva is probably confused now. Last night, when I checked in, I was going to post a whole silly note in which Alva and I would storm your room and pile an arsenal of the brick burritos by your bed so you could throw them at anyone who pissed you off, lol.
I never wrote the post. 🤪
Fawnby, love the Marcus Aurelius quote!
Geaton idk wth that upside down feeling was but I pray to never feel it again. My vertigo is dizziness with a feeling like my head is swimming which intensifies when I turn my head or look down.
RD and HHF, thanks for your kind words.
Today I had another milder version of the shivering w subsequent fever episodes, this time at 2pm 🙄 In the grand scheme of things, a great day 😁
Hoping that you will be able to get some rest tonight. Sending lots of love and many hugs your way.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
- 2 Corinthians 1:3
LL, as we struggle to comfort and support you, you are the comforter and supporter of many. May your day be blessed!
"O God, be not far from me! O my God, make haste to help me!" Psalm 71:12 KJV
That is my prayer for you this morning that God will make His presence known to you in a mighty way and that He will help you through whatever the day brings.
I have considered myself Abby Normal ever since.
I awakened to our site's new Mascot, the "Whoops Kitten" who has shut down any feed and private messages. It's almost a RELIEF, ha ha. Nothing left but our OPs, and you, Lea. If you should EVER need to private message I believe you have my private email for years now, but you can always get me through JoAnn if you need to.
Otherwise I don't do discussions anymore other than this thread, which I have come to love.
HopeFloats, I go to bed too early to get confused at night, but love your burritos story. I personally was thinking of bringing in the chain saw! Good for so many things other than burritos.
Lea, I now leave computer on later so I can check on you twice a day. I hope this day is better, and I hope these are side effects of that tough-to-take treatment, and that they continue to abate. I know we ALL carry you with us ALL THE TIME, every day, as we go about our days. YOU, my love, are my daily meditation.
Well, we picked up our taxes today and...we owe the IRS $23. I would think under a hundred they would forget it. My daughter owes $4. 😆
Again, just checking in. Have a good night.
Thank you.
Other than that, (don't say it Alva) I'm feeling pretty ok w no fevers and the vertigo is more stable w the regularly scheduled meclizine. Walked quite a ways w the super PT I had today who gave me tips on what to do at home to get rid of it. Epley maneuver a no go bc of tumors in my neck, the doc won't risk the PT turning my head quickly and forcefully to one side. She must've said "this wreck of a woman can't go an hour w/o an issue, the Epley maneuver will probably break her neck"....sigh. 🙄
A bad friend came by last night, said the yellow gown is NOT MY COLOR, then proceeded to show me her lumpectomy scar to say what GREAT tits she has. I wanted to say yes, the doctor doing the breast lift was excellent. 68 yrs old and no need for a bra.....who are you kidding Becky? 😂 She then took a 25 min phone call while sitting bedside, lost the call and called BACK ! Then it was late and she had to leave, praise the lord. Who does things like this????
Today a good friend came by and there was no flashing of boobage for oooohs and ahs, just 2 hrs of great laughs and serious conversation. Her 16 yo son tried to overdose on Tylenol and was throwing up blood, but he's ok TG. Turns out 2 of his teachers are singling him out to bully, which was brought to her attention by the Spanish teacher! How on earth is such a thing handled? Our society is continuing to crumble before our eyes which greatly saddens me.
HHF, ty! Geaton yes, that is Chuck and I, he wearing his Scottish Douglass clan kilt, in the mountains of Colo at my son's wedding a few years ago. My favorite picture of all time.
Alva my profile has been working all along w no restrictions. I can't seem to get ahead of all these side effects. When I quit talking or typing, it's really making me depressed. My ex got thru 12 rounds of chemo and a year of maintenance chemo with no cancer pain and no trips to the hospital at all. He's left with some neuropathy in his feet after 7 years.
Tonight I'll just eat my chicken Ceasar salad and watch schlock tv to stay distracted. Along w a Tiramisu because hey, life is short. I may just eat the dessert first.
Well, LOL 🤣! Your bad friend story beats mine, but mine’s close.
I’d made a dear new friend some years ago, let’s call her “Linda.” (We’re still dear friends.) She invited me to go somewhere one afternoon with her and her other friend “Tracy.” When Linda dropped me off at my house afterward, I invited them in and we sat down in the living room to chat. Whereupon Tracy started talking about her mastectomy and how the doctor had botched the scar. She then proceeded to take off her blouse and bra to show us, complete with detailed description of surgery and complications.
Finally she put her clothes back on, and Linda and I tried to steer the conversation back to normal. But then Tracy started telling me that my furniture placement was all wrong and got up and started walking around to view it better.
That’s when Linda said she needed to get home and began guiding Tracy toward the door.
Afterward Linda called and apologized, saying that Tracy had become a little strange lately.
Tracy didn’t get a chance to become my bad friend, and I didn’t change the furniture, either! 😀
Lealonnie, I hope you get a good rest tonight!
I’m praying for you tonight. That those dang flood waters would pretty please recede already! Especially the ones in your lungs! Lord, please make it so!
You are treasured here!
I can't believe it. YOU are so much sweeter than I am (or you simply don't have the strength to deal with her right now, because I know you CAN crack a strong whip) but I couldn't tolerate her. I would be there with "You ARE kidding me, RIGHT?? You are KIDDING me, right?"
You just want to say to her "so I guess this being about me right now is too much. How about we make it about YOU. Show me your breasts!"
Even with all the side effects you are up walking with PT. Afraid I agree about no sudden movements of the neck (or anything ELSE right now).
So, they did xray. Assuming if you had a pneumonia type thing, a pneumonitis, from too much forced bedrest, that would have shown up. I think DD has a right idea with the echo, because wondering if these so toxic meds are creating some cardiac side effects.
I can well imagine that once the distractions are away it is tough. Once folks go home and there's nothing to divert from all the "stuff". And from the pain. I am very glad of the tiramisu. I hope there's good stuff on TV. Then take the heavy duty meds and get some rest.
My love to you woman. Gather strength and sleep well. And yeah, I will pray those side effects go away. Someone asked me (someone kind and dear) that if I as an atheist say a prayer, who do I pray to. Well, to Lea's god of course! Who else?
She is a 10 burrito brick idiot, for sure.
Praying that your lungs clear and for lots of light distractions right now.
Doc insists Ativan helps a LOT w vertigo, so I said a quick prayer and took one 1 hr ago. I feel nicely relaxed right now. I had what I thought was a bad reaction to that drug not long ago......but it could easily have been something else at play. Gotta try bc tbh, this vertigo SUCKS EGGS AND SO DOES USING A WALKER.
Alva, you pray to a higher power, as explained to AA members who are atheists. We all know there is a power greater than ourselves out there, whatever it may be, that we are but small beings in a tremendous galaxy. Many atheists began praying to nature, or a tree,and wound up finding recovery thru open mindedness. I know more than a few who were able TO find their Higher Power thru need and willingness to recover.
I'm not sweet at all and I was ready to kick that woman's fat ass out the door. Her surgically altered "tits" are nice enough, i suppose, but her ass looks like the broad side of a barn 🤣 She CALLED me tonight and I swiped right SO FAST! Call went to vm, I listened to it, she was calling to check in. Dense! 😂😁 My phone will be out of order for the next few months!
PB, love the vision and will share it with you.
Hope, since it made for a good story I guess it was worth suffering thru her nonsense.
Colleen, I'm looking forward to that window serenade...I haven't forgotten. You can sing me Benny & the Jets 😁😎
Oh the Tiramisu was a TRAVESTY and a sick joke, as I'd expected. A piece of yellow cake in the bottom of a cupcake cup, with whipped cream on top!!! My relatives are all rolling in their graves right now!😀😁😂🤣
Overall the food here is pretty good. The starter shrimp cocktail I thought OH YEAH RIGHT, which turns out to be 3 extra large boiled fresh shrimp on a bed of lettuce w lemon wedge and cocktail sauce. Perfection. So I order one w a chef or Ceasar chicken salad and it's great. Chicken quesadilla is exceptional too. I can even order Sobe Life waters. And all for the bargain price of $4k a night or whatever! Deal.
Fawnby, it always amazes me when people want to show their scars or believe we want them to do their version of feng shui in OUR HOMES😑 However, Chuck wants eeverrybody to see his awesome Mercedes scar AND the hideous photos of his before and after liver. 😨. The new liver photo is of the surgeon holding chucks belly open, wearing a blue glove, right after it was plunked down. The old photo is of an overcooked and shriveled piece of meat 🙄. He has a very large and LOUD personality and people love him for it. As in wearing a kilt to a wedding which I had to put my foot down on in the case of OURS. Down boy! Ha. A little Chuck goes a looong way. I've seen him pull out those photos on his phone to show women and they look mortified and run off. Can't take cues that only women in the medical field will appreciate such a thing? Shock factor means a better laugh for him.
New crystal clear health coming in & up - sickness going down & out.
My thoughts of waves of health are being sent to you Lea.
I was doing my Bible reading just now and you came to mind. It was about how David played his lyre to calm Saul. David would take up his lyre and play. Then relief would come to Saul. 1 Samuel 16:14-23
Is there some soothing music you could listen to that would lend you some relief? I hope so.
Still praying for you always.