First, the good news: Chuck is doing very well with his liver transplant. April 29 will mark the one year anniversary of his transplant at the Mayo Clinic. He's showing no signs of rejection, is off 80% of his medications, and his follow up tests and visits show him to be a super star. He's back to photographing birds every morning with my son, even in minus 5 degree weather, so that pretty much says it all. My avatar pics are of his birds.
Now for the bad news: I've mentioned before having a surface melanoma on my arm removed in October of 2021. An "in situ" mole of no consequence where all the melanoma 'was removed successfully'. This was a result of having a dozen beauty marks on both arms blow up like balloons after the 2nd Covid shot, grow scabs on them, and when the scab fell off, the beauty mark disappeared entirely. Except for the one. And all of it was not successfully removed after all, as a few cells must've escaped into my body and caused metastatic stage 4 cancer in my lymph nodes, liver, and bones. I went to the ER 3 weeks ago for excruciating pain in my left side where a CT scan with contrast was ordered. The cancer was discovered at that time, and I've spent the last 2 weeks in testing. The cancer is not in my brain, thank God.
The Oncologist told me there is immunotherapy available now for malignant melanoma. 2 types at once, administered via IV (no port) every 3 weeks x4. That's the goal. To turn on my immune system to kill off this cancer. 50% of immunotherapy patients are alive 2 years later. Idk what the percentage is at the 5 year mark. I've avoided doing research bc I'm overwhelmed enough already.
I'm having tremendous pain in my spine, ribs and liver, where the cancer is the worst. The Oncologist gave me some heavy duty pain meds and told me to wait it out until the IV starts kicking in to relieve my pain. He said I would live less than 2 months without treatment so my first treatment is tomorrow morning. The side effects can be gnarly and these infusions WILL kick my butt, he said. I'm ready, I think. Ain't no beauty mark gonna take ME down at 65! 😑
I'm useless at home, so Chuck is doing everything. Laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, driving to appointments. I have a housekeeper coming in to do the heavy cleaning and my stepson and his wife are cooking 7 dinners for us and bringing them by on Saturday. I have to make sure HE'S not overworked during this treatment process to where he gets sick. He's already overcome with worry and shock over all this as it is. I'll ask my stepson to repeat that meal making plan, too...they want to help & we need help.
We've had a lot to deal with the past year, and now my issues, which were there all along, just not apparent until recently. We wouldn't have been able to handle TWO of us sick at once anyway, so this is how it had to play out, I suppose.
The one bright spot I hold onto here is the dime I found on the floor of the ER room I'd been in ALL DAY where there was no dime on the floor. And when the gal was wheeling me back into the room from the CT scan, there it was. I kicked it across the floor to Chuck and he said, "what's that?" I said, "it's a dime from dad, telling me everything will be alright." He was speechless. Dad used to send me dimes all the time after he died in 2015, but stopped the past few years. I have a whole piggy bank full of them.
We can use all the prayers we can get right now, friends. I believe in prayers, in miracles and in signs from our deceased loved ones that they are with us in tough times. If you do too, please send up some prayers for Chuck and I right now.
Many thanks.
Went to the hospital with hubby today.
I saw a dime and picked it up. I immediately thought of you and said a prayer for you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Your daughter is blessed to have a mom who is making her a special wedding bouquet. It sounds beautiful!
I cherished my wedding dress that my mother made for me. She was an excellent seamstress.
My mother in law asked me if I wanted to wear the pearl necklace that she wore on her wedding day for the something borrowed. I said that I would love to.
So, she went to show me her pearls. She hadn’t worn them in awhile and when she handed them to me the string broke and all of the pearls went flying all over her living room floor. I was mortified! I apologized for the string breaking.
She was a wonderful woman and showed so much grace. She said, “That’s alright honey, we can pick up the pearls.” We found every single pearl. When she had them restrung she had them place a knot between each pearl.
A few months ago, we bought my stepdaughter a string of pearls and matching earrings to give to her on her 31st birthday in April. Well, she hasn't seen dad since his transplant and lives 90 min away. Plus, she started this big feud with me when I was up to my eyeballs with stress, on mother's day last year, bc she was jealous our daughter the RN came with us to AZ. She didn't take calls or texts from me at ALL, even when dad had to have a 2nd huge surgery. She managed to somewhat speak to dad, on HER terms only for the past few months until early Dec when she decided to "allow" us to come visit her. I was so sick that morning with severe nausea. Chuck loaded up the car with a rocking chair she wanted, Christmas gifts and a huge box of pastries he went out to buy that morning. When we got on the highway, I sent her a text and said we're on our way, what's your address again so we can punch it in to GPS. She texts back. "I don't want any problems. " I text back ??????????? She then texts Chuck, "let's reschedule this I'm busy now. " !!!! Chuck was livid. He has mollycoddled this girl for 30 years now. He pulled off the highway and placed a call to her which naturally went to vm. He left her a msg she won't soon forget about when she's ready to act like a loving daughter again and to allow US to be grandparents again to let him know. Bc he's DONE with all the drama, disrespect and B.S. now.
She hasn't spoken to him since. Even at our grandsons birthday party where she ignored him 100%. When my stepson told her about my dx and how badly Chuck is dealing with it, crickets. Not one word since.
I will sell the pearls or ask dd if she like them for her wedding. The bear head faux fur wearable blanket i bought for her dd I'll give to my grandson who'll love and appreciate it.
The stepdaughter, Btw, is 4 months pregnant and her dh was deployed last week to Poland for 9 months.
Sad how untreated bipolar causes SO MUCH CHAOS in a family's life. She hasn't spoken to her other brother since Aug of 2021 who lives here, so she's only speaking to one brother and his wife as it stands today. She'll be writing them off here shortly too I reckon. The last time they came here to visit, the plan was to have brunch together the next morning at 10. When 11 rolled around and then 1145, my dil called her up and said What Gives? She said "oh you didn't call me first thing this morning so go do whatever you want we've made other plans." !!! To say my dil was pissed is an understatement. This behavior is a recurrent theme with the girl.
These things happen in families. They always have. Not much to be done but the best we are capable of, and then move on with our lives. Getting repeatedly kicked doesn't help any of us.
I am so sorry. You, your DH do not deserve to be treated that way from your step daughter. It’s sad that she is jealous of your daughter. Your daughter deserves to be happy!
I do understand about bipolar disorder left untreated.
My younger brother married a woman who was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She was awful to him and the rest of our family.
She’s my sister in law who claimed that she was “too mean” to die from her stage four breast cancer. She was right about that but sadly she continued smoking and lung cancer got her.
She left two young children behind. I felt so badly for my nieces witnessing their mother’s manic episodes and then her death.
She wouldn’t take her bipolar medication and would beat up my brother with her high heels. He wouldn’t dare hit her back and was too embarrassed to tell anyone.
Women will talk about being abused by a spouse. Men won’t. He broke down and told us afterwards.
She also pushed my brother out of the bed right after his back surgery. His surgeon was extremely upset and told him that she was a danger to his health and that he should leave her. He did end up divorcing her.
Your husband was right to say what he did to his daughter because like you say, if a person doesn’t take their medication it wrecks havoc in their life and their families.
I would make the same decisions that you and your husband have made regarding how to handle things. Good for you!
Has your daughter picked out her dress yet? Weddings are exciting and a bit stressful. I’m sure it will be a beautiful day.
I know that your daughter will have a beautiful and unique wedding bouquet. It will mean the world to her because it came from your heart. It is a true labor of love. It’s fun to create beautiful items, even if they do require a bit of time to do so.
NHWM, at least your brother had the good sense to divorce the woman who was 'too mean to die from cancer' but wound up dying FROM cancer anyway.
DD is flying out to meet the b/f's mother in March; they talk on Facetime a lot and have already built a relationship, but they're eager to meet in person. She feels like her b/f will propose right after that trip, so time will tell. So no, she has not picked out a wedding dress yet LOL. I am hopeful to be in good enough physical condition to go with her when the time comes. The one thing she CANNOT do with the bouquet I give her is TOSS it! LOL. She'll have to get a small real flower bouquet if she plans to toss it to the eager unmarried women! :)
Alva, it's my stepdaughter who's doing this, not DIL. It cuts Chuck to the BONE, all this crap, when what he needs now more than anything is SUPPORT from his loved ones, which he's getting. This ongoing drama has been too much to deal with for too long now, and I honestly have NO IDEA how or if she can 'fix' this particular snub against him. How does a daughter ignore her father who's had 2 surgeries for a liver transplant, and who's hurting over his wife's dx? To me that's just about THE worst thing a person can do. Me I don't care about, she can kiss my ass. I've never had a high tolerance for drama queens in the first place, tbh. Yet I've always been nice and sweet and cordial to her, making sure to give her an equivalent gift that I gave my daughter, and lots of 'perks' of me being a junker and finding her all of her favorite Fossil bags and wallets, Coach cross body bags, and on and ON. Funny she had no problem taking all those cool gifts.
I have been up and in the living room or at my desk for the past 5 HOURS today! My spine is starting to scream at me now, so I'm back into the bed on the heating pad for now. It's been a good day, though, so THANKS BE TO GOD for that! And to all of you guys who keep me buoyed up and allowing me to talk about all sorts of things not relevant to my health. It's nice to do that :)
The horrible part of a person who won’t manage their bipolar disorder with meds is that they don’t think they are wrong about anything.
They will blame everyone else during their manic episodes. It’s terribly sad.
I hope that it eventually works out for your family. It’s devastating for them and their families.
5 hours sitting at your desk! Yay for those meds doing its job!
Praying that you sleep well and warm, tonight!
You ask if they can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder later. Yes, they can but they certainly could have had the issue years earlier. In the case with my sister in law, the signs were there in her younger years. I think the stigma around mental health years ago made it harder for a person to speak up. Families were embarrassed to talk about these things.
Her family thought that she was just a rebellious teenager when she was younger. Most teens go through a rebellious phase but she didn’t outgrow it.
Then the family thought that she was moody. Nope, it was more than normal moodiness. When she started acting totally irrational she was brought to the mental hospital for observation and was diagnosed at that time.
It’s interesting, several of my brother’s friends warned him not to marry her. Love is blind!
I was the matron of honor at their wedding. We rode together in the limousine on the way to the church.
Her sister said to my future sis in law “Please be kind to your husband. He loves you and is a good man. Don’t act like you usually do or you will lose him like you lost others.”
The part of the wedding where the priest asks if anyone knows why these two shouldn’t be married was difficult for me.
One time my sister in law was being mugged in a grocery store parking lot. Mind you, she was a tiny woman but had a very strong presence! She chased him down in the parking lot and started beating him up!
He threw her purse back at her and ran away calling her crazy! He picked the wrong woman to mug! LOL 😝 She took big risks like that all of the time. I don’t think it even occurred to her that he could have killed her.
She drove like a maniac! She cursed everyone on the road out. I never got into the car with her!
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
- Psalm 34:18
How’s Chuck doing with your diagnosis? I’m sorry that his daughter is still being so difficult!
As far as the step daughter goes, at some point she either CHOOSES to take medication or watch the rest of her life fall apart, along w all the relationships she SHOULD care about. It is true, a bipolar person in the manic phase is NEVER wrong and can twist a story 1000 ways to "prove" it was YOU who was wrong. Secondly, her loser of a dh should put his foot down HARD about getting her to the base doctor once and for all. He's not in HIS right mind, the Big Major, if he's putting up w this level of untreated mental illness which is causing chaos in his own home, not to mention the whole family. Buck up buddy.
Colleen Chuck is doing very poorly w my dx. He was scared to death and convinced I was dying imminently just until recently when I'm not feeling as bad due to the immunotherapy. He's sleeping badly and generally stressed to the max 😣 poor thing. He's still going out to photograph birds most mornings w my son, so that's good.....diversions are required.
NHWM, EVERONE knew and knows that the stepdaughter is mentally ill ever since she was about 20 when it became VERY apparent. She was staying w us and up all night climbing/walking our 10' high retainer wall out back, in a nightgown, barefoot, in the dead of winter, singing. There was a family intervention at that time, they drove her (furious) down to the ER. Doc was gobsmacked by her off the wall behavior and wanted her admitted for a full psych eval which of course she refused. She was given Lithium which helped DRAMATICALLY until she refused to take it. She had me SO STRESSED OUT I called Chuck home from work and said NO MORE can I babysit this girl alone. I'd wake up every morning thinking she'd be dead in the guest room.
GEaton ty for the scripture du jour, I particularly like this one.
Well, I'm still feeling fairly decent today but woke up with a body rash that's worsening. 😑 Bright red heat rash type thing all over legs and arms. The doc did say that a rash could be a side effect (head to toe) as late as 2 weeks in. Today is 2 weeks since the infusion. It's not itchy, so that's good 😊
I'm tougher than I realize. I'll deal w this too as I ready myself for infusion 2 in one week from today.
You have found some great deals at estate sales.
It’s amazing what can be found.
I love watching Antiques Roadshow and it blows me away when someone is featured on the show because they bought something at an estate sale that caught their eye. The jewelry, painting, etc. ends up being worth thousands!
A lot of people have no idea what they are selling or purchasing. Antique shopping is fun.
We do have to know what we are looking for if looking for investment pieces. Otherwise, we can just buy things that appeal to us for aesthetic reasons.
In regards to your stepdaughter, I agree that the signs are usually present in various degrees when it comes to a mental illness.
Tell Chuck that when I had cancer with some positive nodes I tried to block fear, and it wasn't until I sat straight up in bed, let it ALL in full blast and basically said "OK, I am dead and will now plan my funeral" that the fear let me loose. It came for me especially bad at night. I had to embrace it. I am so glad he is sharing it with you, this fear, because that will help. He loves you. It wouldn't make sense if he wasn't terrified, and it is so hard for those who stand witness helplessly, because when we are ill we have stuff TO DO, even if it's just taking our heating pads to bed for a nap. It is very hard to be the support system, something you already learned, Lea, when Chuck was in his own battle.
You know the hearts of us all are with you all.
Alva, there's no other feeling like the thrill of the hunt while junking. Last great thing I bought was $31 in 14k gold jewelry that the estate sale company had no knowledge of. The 3pc cufflinks and tie pin set, clam shells with real pearl in the center, he charged me $12 for and they weigh 17gms, @ 80% of $31 per gram in SCRAP VALUE at the pawn shop, is quite a score. I bought about 22 gms of gold for $31 And plan to sell the vintage cufflinks set for $750.
What a great buy! Those pieces sound incredible!
Do tell the engagment story and wedding plans if you can.
You and Chuck strike me like me and my DH… we are the rock to each other’s roll. I am sure the thought of losing you now after you guys just went through such trauma has to be unbelievably difficult.
I am sure, though, that your love for each other has reflected the face of God to many, many people.
The following are two quotes that I put together from Tim Keller to comfort both you and Chuck… That part about someday seeing each other’s magnificence - which I view as seeing us as we are in God’s heart - struck me as such a beautiful thought even in earthly loss.
”To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us…
Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I [Jesus] will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
- Matthew 11:28-30
THE MAGIC BANK ACCOUNT
THE AUTHOR IS NOT KNOWN. IT WAS FOUND IN THE BILLFOLD OF COACH PAUL BEAR BRYANT, ALABAMA, AFTER HE DIED IN 1982
The Magic Bank Account
Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in a contest: Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your use. However, this prize has rules:
The set of rules:
1. Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.
2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
3. You may only spend it.
4. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.
5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,“Game Over!". It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.
What would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?
You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it would be replenished in the morning, right?
ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL ...
Shocked??? YES!
Each of us is already a winner of this *PRIZE*. We just can't seem to see it.
The PRIZE is *TIME*
1. Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds
as a gift of life.
2. And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is Not credited to us.
3. What we haven't used up that day is forever lost.
4. Yesterday is forever gone.
5. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING...
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars. Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.
So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life!
Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start “spending”....
"DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT GROWING OLD…!"
SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET THE PRIVILEGE!
************************
Hope, wonderful quotes. Not everyone gets to experience Unconditional Love. It's rarer than people think. I had to wait till I found Chuck to experience it in my life. I didn't feel it from my parents or dh #1. My children probably love me unconditionally, I would hope, as I love them.
I met Chuck at an engagement party in an Italian restaurant that my friend and neighbor dragged me to as her "date" 🤣. The moment I laid eyes on him, eating lasagna, with sauce all over hi, I knew he was The One I'd Marry. I rushed off into the ladies room and said some prayers while sitting on the toilet. The rest is history.
The rash is about the same as it was yesterday, so Benadryl did not help. I'm taking a shower here soon and using Cerave lotion as recommended.
And I love the story how you met Chuck. What a blessing that God put you in Chuck's path when He did.
Here's hoping that the 86,400 seconds in your days are filled with more positive moments than negative, and that you and Chuck get to spend many more seconds together.
You have a GLOBAL army of "Forum Family" praying hard for you for a positive and great outcome and the best of great health and happiness. You are surely loved by everyone.
Thank you for today's meaningful words of wisdom and message - it's so true! Wishing you a relaxing and peaceful and wonderful weekend - and sending hugs!
LL, I prayed for you as I drove around our Florida county today. May God bless you and Chuck this weekend, and may you feel His peace. 💖💙
And I love the Lea/Chuck story, too. Lea, that is how I feel about my DH, too, including the parents/1st husband thing.
Had dinner tonight with two younger friends. They just got married and are at the front end of life. I said a prayer for them that when they hit the hard stuff - as most of us do - that they have watched enough long-term marriages to know how to keep showing each other love.
"Peace I [Jesus] leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
- John 14:27