So, found out yesterday Mark and his nephew have been doing some scheming behind my back. Mark decided to go live with Robert (the nephew) and Mark will use his disability check to cover his living expenses. This is supposed to happen after he gets out of rehab. Mark believes in two months he will be able to be mobile enough to get into a wheelchair by himself and go use the toilet. Right now he needs assistance rolling over and to be put into a wheelchair. He will be paying his nephew to renovate a room. Even though Mark is still on our lease, he refuses to help me pay bills saying "I don't live there anymore, I don't owe you anything." He is demanding that he keep Babygirl. His nephew will not take care of her properly and Mark will not be able to.
I am paying the nephew now to help drive me to work from the payment we were making on our car. The nephew says this is not enough money. The nephew will not help me pay any bills and gets drunk off his butt. I would be fine with Mark wanting to move in with Robert, except I hate to think that he would be wallowing in his own waste because Robert will not change him (he was bedridden before and he wouldn't do it and Mark's daughter was alive and doing it) or help shower him. I told Mark we could proceed with the divorce and he could get Medicaid, but he blew up stating he doesn't want to be in a crappy nursing home.
I hope Mark will accept hospice help so he can be more comfortable. I know he is scared and angry and who knows how long he has? I am talking kindly to him about day-to-day things to keep up his spirits. I am transferring my teaching license to NM and hopeful about having a job in Aug. My 10 years teaching experience means I don’t have to retake tests to be certified just prove my licensure and pay a fee. I have some retirement savings in TX already, so that is good. Only 25 years until I can retire!
My doggies are good, going on walks. My oldest, Pepita, has patellar luxation. She can’t go very far so I got her a stroller. I walk Sky and push her so it works well.
It is nice and people are friendly. I got out of Mesquite just before those huge storms hit with downed power lines and major damage. I am sad a lot but trying not to let others know.
How are you adjusting to your new place. Have thought of you.
So sorry for the loss of your pups. Our animals become a part of our family. We grieve for them.
You have been through so much grief with Mark. I hope you’re at peace with your life now.
Take care.
Glad the trip went smoothly for you and your pups.
I was surprised to find out that Medicare charges a co-pay for oxygen, I guess I thought that Mark's insurance would cover it. I am sure he will have to have portable oxygen as he needed it to move down with Robert and with one lung being scarred, I am sure he will need it. Mark has had COPD for a long time, so I guess it's not too surprising. I wish they could 100% say what is causing him to have fluid build-up.
I am sorry for this update on Mark. He will have a whole different medical team. Happily today they can get the records, but Mark's history is such a long one and they really don't have time to go over reams and reams of material to catch up on everything.
I think the move is difficult and I don't know how good the medical is there, but I think none of this bodes well.
I think that you have long known that Mark is a dying man, beset with all he has, there being no real cure for it, he has chosen to fight on and he will likely do that throughout.
I just am sorry. There's nothing else to say. I know you are now dealing with your own feelings of being separated through these bouts.
How are YOU doing?
Mark has been through many stages. It’s not easy for him or others to see this happening.
This is what it will be and it won't be easy. Nothing about it ever was, right? Best place for you is 1,000 miles away.
When you talk on the phone discuss the weather. Be polite, don't ask, don't tell.
You've got such a good heart. I know how complicated your feelings and thoughts are about all of this. Try to journal through it so you can work through it a bit in your mind. It must be a swirling stew of repetitive thoughts. There are so many levels of complexity here for both you and for Mark.
I've followed this story right along and I am convinced these are the right moves for all involved. Mark will feel more in control. You won't have to try to control what cannot BE controlled. And you will build slowly the life you deserve, still caring about this man you've loved.
Joan Didion once said that she "writes so I know what I think" and I guess this is true for lots of us. It helps the brain work it out. I think that our dreams help us work out where our head is at as well.
I have been following your story and am convinced that you would do just about anything for the good of all involved and I believe you have slowly and surely made all the right moves in this. That is not going to make it hurt less. Hugs to you, woman. Hug your pups close and love on them. Allow yourself to weep, then dry the tears, take a few motrin, and move on best you can. I am glad you have support.
I am sorry. It’s natural to grieve for what could have been. No one anticipates these kind of problems in a marriage.
Sending hugs and support your way.
All you can do is grieve for the hard times and move forward to a better future. I wish you peace during this transitioning stage in your life.
Take care.
We all vent on here. Go ahead and speak about what’s on your mind. Everyone knows that you have been through a difficult time with Mark. We wish the best for you. Hoping everything will turn out well for you.
I encourage her to move on, myself, and not to confuse the issue for the current POA which I think is Nephew, and for Mark. I will continue to encourage her to do that.
@ Doggiemom: And no, of course not, DoggieMom. We are very interested in all of it, and I for one will love to hear how you get on with the changes for your life. Very. And I will be very relieved for you when you leave Mark's issues in his and his nephew's hands. Too many chef will spoil this stew.
You and Mark were married and in many ways I would bet you are very fond still of one another. I think it's natural you would want to help. But I worry if you get all wound up in it again, when you have done such courageous work to EXTRICATE yourself from this muddle.
So I will continue to advise you to step on and step away to the best of you ability, and I will continue also to care (as I know you do) for how Mark fares. Most of all I hope to hear YOU yourself are moving on and thriving in your new home.
She's the one who continues to post about what is going on, and I get that to some degree she still cares.
And when I mentioned bringing hospice on board I was not implying that she should do that but just mentioning that that may very well be the next step despite Marks determination to keep fighting.
I always advise her to stay out of decisions now that don't concern her any long so that she can get on with her own life. Being drawn back into every step of Mark's ongoing decisions won't be possible for her or even healthy to try as a divorced woman from long distance, just imho.