I've been on this forum since taking on care giving for my 85 year old father. As I sit in the hospital with him...again while waiting to go clean out another desk (this will be job loss number 3 since giving up my good paying job because it required lots of travel)...I'm resentful.
This is not what I pictured my life to be. I had a great career that allowed me to travel. My plan was to make good money and start a family later in life. Since taking on the care giver role ( Daddy's other living children provide minimal help), I've gained 25 pounds (don't have time to exercise; junk food has become my friend), my house foreclosed, I lost my car, I work two jobs and still can't make ends meet, I broke up with my BF (I'm no longer a nice person)... Everything fell apart.
I put Daddy in IL and was actually going to steal a couple of "me" days this week then BAM! He gets sick again.
I was recently cussed out pretty badly by a younger niece and accused of being selfish...am I? From what I've seen, I'm one of the younger care givers...The average age of children with parents my dad's age is 50.
I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes I miss my old life. My friends are living their lives...traveling, marrying, etc. (Wait...that's my sister who takes mini vacations with her new hubby bi-weekly)
I've wasted away to an angry, sad, fat worthless slob and I hate myself for it...
Sorry for the pity party. I'm just exhausted...
Should I bring the chocolate brownies, or some nice fruit and crudites?
Really Tiny, your issues are not unrealistic, please just don't listen to or engage in conversations putting you down. Including what you tell yourself-you are young, you are in the trenches doing the work. If that is even a lot involuntary, at least you are stepping up-that fact alone will make others extremely uncomfortable and likely to attack or criticize you. You have become a threat to their comfort zone, as they see you struggling and they are not helping.
Design a logical and reasonable plan of escape.
Remember, "IT IS NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO DO THE CAREGIVING FOR OUR PARENTS, BUT IT IS OUR JOB TO SEE THAT THEY ARE CARED FOR."
Don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself today!
I do know that you have to get back to work, though, for your own sake. There's no one around who will care for you if things stay the same, so you need that money. I hope you're able to make that your top priority soon and have everything fall in place around your new job.
We want the best for our parents. We also have to make sure that we don't end up homeless at the end of our task. Huge big hugs. Maybe we can make this pity party fun. I'll bring the cheese and crackers... oh, and brownies. I'm in the mood for those.
She's 93 now and has lived with me for 14+ yrs....
I feel your pain...