I haven’t been paid for his 24 hr total care. Everyone said I would be taken care of..$2000 is it. His children, who said put him in a home, now want all his money. For all the years, $2000.00. He made money living here because he kept his Soc Sec check. Is this fair or legal? I feel so used. No one has even thanked me, except my husband. Pray for me, God don’t like ugly.
Agreeing to do the caregiving in return for "being taken care of" in a will was naive.
Family may honestly feel they are fulfilling their promise. (!)
What is your husband's response to this?
In hindsight, maybe you should have let the kids put him in a home. They would have no inheritance now. May want to mention that.
My DH was the executor--so as not to "make waves" he just decided it best to have complete transparency in the executing of the estate. He was supposed to take a $25 per hour fee for all the work he did in executing the estate. He took nothing. (We have a BIL who did absolutely NOTHING but claim all the appliances and decent furniture for his daughter----well worth $5K) Didn't lift a dang paintbrush to help me, and I was working my butt off, 8-10 hrs per day.
THEN he is the real estate agent to sell the condo--took his 3%, you bet! Also sold the rental house and got 3% for that too. (Condo sold the first day it was listed!) And then the 1/3 of the sale also, since his wife was a beneficiary.
I tried not to be angry--I really did. My DH just simply would not stand up to his sibs--even his brother who has been MIA for 30 years. Just slowly waded through the mess and cut checks. Which I then had to hand deliver to SIL and BIL. Crazy.
This was NOT what dad wanted. But to keep peace, my DH simply folded. I can say I have never looked at my inlaws the same. It's been 13 years. I'm still a little angry.
Sweet Annie---talk to your hubby. Sometimes they are so blindsided by the death of a loved one, they can't see past it. And he'd probably used to you stepping up and keeping quiet. I know my hubby really did feel bad about me not getting paid for this grueling work---but not bad enough to pay me. He kept saying "I want the family to stay together..I don't do drama." Well, I blew my stack ONE TIME and let him know what I thought, which was, his BIL was being a real S%8$. He agreed, but in the end, we were "shorted" by about $15K. He asked if that amount was "worth ruining family relationships over". Somedays I wonder.
DH is his mother's executor. I am not going to do one darn thing to help "execute" this estate, no matter what.
And sadly, I went straight from helping do all this stuff, into EOL care for my own sweet daddy. What a year.
Hoping for the best, SweetAnnie--but in reality---piecrust promises are easily made, easily broken. --my care for FIL was the best he ever got, he loved me, I remember this and feel better about how it all played out.
BTW? $2000 a month is what the family would have been paying for "private care". Easily.
Good luck--and sorry for the rant, Your topic hit a raw nerve in me.
Presumably the "children who now want all his money" include your husband. The $2,000 is a separate bequest to you personally, perhaps in recognition of your devoted care?
I have a horrible feeling they might genuinely believe it's handsome. Do you think that is at all possible?
Ask them to explain and live up to it.
I would assume your husband would get part of his Dad's estate, thus "your family" will inherit some funds above the $2k. I realize this doesn't seem fair, but many family caregivers go through this.
Has his estate been settled? If it is in probate, I would go to the Probate Court and file a bill for services. It might get paid that way.