My sister has recently moved closer but she doesn’t seem to want to do anything other than interfere in my life. She is totally healthy could be doing anything she wants. Instead she yells and screams the second she doesn’t get her own way. I don’t know what else to do to make her happy.
Please note once a parent is under your roof or you are under their, the parent/child dynamics shows up. Your Mom is once again the parent, and you are the "kid". It's not an easy situation.
May I ask why your Mom is now living with you? Did your Dad or your Mom's husband recently passed? If yes, then Mom is still grieving, as she had lost the love of her life. Was she the caregiver? This wasn't the retirement that she and he had planned. That would may any parent upset.
At my age, many of my friends have gone separate ways, either to care for their own parents or to live closer to their grown children and grandchildren. Friends can also pass away. Something one doesn't think about when younger.
Did your Mom drive in the past? If yes, why had she stopped? I know both my sig other and myself are finding today's roads not as user friendly as we once knew. Way too many accidents due to distracted drivers. Before cellphones and internet capability in vehicles, drivers and the passengers kept their eyes on the road. I have seen one too many t-bone accidents recently due to distraction. And other drivers don't like it when us old timers do the speed limit :P
Your Mom needs to do some volunteer work. Find out what is her passion and see if you can find some place she can help out. Of course, transportation would be needed. Be it senior bus, if your area has that, or taxi. Volunteering is a great feeling :)
You need to set boundries. It will be hard but it gets better with practise.
First tell sister that if she doesn't like how you are doing things she can take Mom to live with her. Its your house, your rules.
If Mom is healthy, why is she living with you. If she only gets SS, there are Senior apartments that take 30% of her income for rent. She would pay electric and tv. She could receive food stamps. There's food closets. 77 is not old. When she starts again, just say quietly. Mom, this is not working. You don't seem happy here so maybe you need to make other living arrangements. Its not fair to my daughter to hear her grandmom screaming at her mother. I want my daughter to learn to stand up for herself and she won't in the atmosphere you are creating. I have tried my best to make you happy here but it seems your not. Maybe you can live with sister. I will help you look for a place if you want, and the resources u need to be independent. If you want to live here, there will be changes. This is my house. I will no longer fetch and carry for you. You are capable of doing it on your own. If you don't feel you can go along with this then you will not be able to stay because I refuse to allow my daughter to be exposed to your self centeredness.
You do not need to take abuse from anyone not even Mom. It is not going to get better. Mom thinks she can get away with what she is doing and out of respect you are allowing it. But you deserve respect especially in a house that you pay for.
PS I've just realised that I've assumed that sister is the 'she', and the other posters assume that 'she' is mother. Now I'm totally confused!
Put on your big girl pants and stand up to her. You are a grown woman with a child of your own.
I Know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like their lives are so empty that they live to interfere. No privacy at all! Yep, old fashioned and want things done just as it was in their day. My mom lives with my husband and me.
People are different. Some people are incredibly nosey! They mind everyone else’s business.
I think they are bored. Maybe depressed. Who knows? Their hobbies are worrying and complaining but in front of others butter would melt in their mouths, right? Hahaha, then they are so lovely, smiling and sweet! Drives me nuts because then others constantly complement my mom saying that she is so sweet! That’s when you nod and say yes, but we know the truth!
I find it’s more emotionally draining than physically draining.