There are 4 sisters in our family. My oldest being 88 years old in good health. She recently lost her husband. She has 3 grown children none are willing to help her out or take her in or find a place for her. Or at least that's what we've been told. My sister has reached out to one of my sisters (who is married) to ask if she can come live with her. There is a 17-year age difference. I have read many responses to having parents or in-laws moving in with you. How do you feel about elderly siblings moving in? I'm apprehensive for them as I feel their lives will never be the same. They will not be her caregiver per se NOW but her health WILL decline.... then what? They still will have to do minimal caregiver duties... driving her to doctors appointments... etc..
And the brother in law gets along with the 88-year-old sister.
Your thoughts...
88 is too old for a 71 year old to care for, it's too much. Someone is going to fall, break something and we all know where that goes.
I would check out options for your sister before I had her move in with anyone. If she has a home she can sell and go into an IL or AL. I am 72 and would not take a sibling in. She may be healthy today but a debilitating stroke tomorrow. Is your younger sister ready to give up what is the rest of her life. Is older sister willing to stay home while her sister and husband do their thing or will she expect them to take them with them. There should be a contract where she pays to live there. I have told my DH for years 2 women cannot live in the same house especially when one owns it. I don't care how well people get along, living together is not the same thing.
Your older sister needs to adjust to her situation. Its really early to make longterm plans.
It’s worked out great! It helps that we’ve always liked the same things. A few things are off: she’s an early bird and I’m an insomniac. But we are just quiet when the other sleeps.
I highly recommend it!
And, what has your SISTER done to plan for her OWN care? That's my second question.
To assume that anyone 'must' take her in to live with them is the problem. Plans should be made to get her set up with either;
1: in home caregivers
2: in Independent Senior Living if she doesn't need help or
3: Assisted Living if she needs help & has the finances to support it, or
4: Skilled Nursing with Medicaid if she has a lot of health issues and no finances.
In my world, it's up to your sister's children to figure out how to help their mother make her future care plans. Whoever 'told you' her children aren't willing to step up may not have the full picture. Your sister should take the matter up with her grown children and ask them for their help & guidance in getting set up accordingly.
This is a tough situation. 88 years old is a vulnerable time in one's life. It's sad that none of her adult children want to pull together and find an option that would help their mom. Is there a specific reason?
Ideally she would be a nursing home or care facility given her age. Because I feel it would be safer to have 24 hour supervision if possible.
I know we all mean well and want to be helpful but the youngest and her husband might come to regret this decision. Over time being a full time caregiver can lead to resentment and anger and frustration. There is a lots to discuss and consider before making this big decision.
I hope your family can have a talk to figure out what is best for your oldest sibling. It must be a scary and sad time for her to lose her husband and living alone at 88 years old.