My aunt, 91 is my mother’s twin sister and lives alone in her house with some assistance for shopping and cleaning. She is fiercely independent, walks everywhere, manages her finances and refuses to consider assisted living or downsizing. I am her closest family relative and I live 2 hours away in another state. This year she is struggling with short term memory problems and was diagnosed by a neurologist with MCI. He recommended an aide but she doesn’t want anyone she doesn’t already know. She has long term care insurance but they say she is not eligible to start using it yet (must have a diagnosis of dementia or need assistance with 2 out of 6 ADL’s). The biggest problem she is having (there are others but this is the one I have been dealing with most recently) is that she keeps overflowing her bathtub. She refuses to take showers in spite of all the reasons why it is safer, better, etc. she just refuses to change her habits. It seems so simple to just stay in the bathroom while the water is on, yet she can’t seem to do that. She turns it on and then leaves to feed the cat, make the bed, get the paper, make coffee, Next thing you know the tub is overflowing. We have tried timers. She doesn’t hear them ( hearing aides are not in her ears and that’s another story). A timer worn around her neck? She forgets to put it on. We have even tried a portable bathtub inside the bathtub ( the idea was it could overflow but the tub drain would still be open). This didn’t work because the portable tub is too difficult and unsafe for her to get in and out of without help. Someone suggested a faucet with a sensor the automatically shuts off but that would require opening up the entire bathtub wall to change the plumbing and would be a major bathroom renovation. The obvious solution is shower, aide, supervision. How do I get her to agree to make some changes? I am ready to disable the tub drain so she can’t close it! She has completely ruined the ceiling in her family room and I am now starting to notice a mildew smell. Any ideas would be welcome!
is she doing other self harm?
The problem I see is that now you're slapping a bandage on multiple problems. Fix the bathtub, something else will come up that you didn't expect or anticipate.
IMHO, it's more that once you see something like this happening you have to accept that it's time to look for help and/or to start thinking about what you and your family are going to do when things get worse. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but things will get worse, there is no 'recovery' from memory issues.
I am not one who thinks these smaller things mean everything in someone's life must change. I know physical and cognitive decline is inevitable (I'm a cognitive neuroscientist). But, so many things can be solved with technology or old fashioned thinking outside the box.
When you do bring someone into her home, consider the way she would have invited someone in. How would she have welcomed someone or hosted a friend. Do those small rituals - tidy up, have refreshments, plan to sit and talk. Give her the opportunity to know someone who will be in her home when you are not there - especially someone charged with monitoring her bathing. Sometimes, we get so busy we forget to slow down and include those we are caring for in their care needs.
I wish you peace in your journey.