My Mom is in the final stages of dementia and hasn't eaten for over a week. She hasn't been conscious for same length of time. She began the death rattle 5 days ago. Hospice expected her to pass away three days ago but she is still clinging on. I am beyond stressed. I have told her all the end of life loving things and assured her I will be taken care of, I love her, go ahead and let go, etc. A nurse wonders if Mom has some unfinished business perhaps with my estranged brother. I left him a voice mail asking him to call and played an old upbeat voice mail from him to Mom yet she continues to hold on. Any advice?
If you must be present, knit or read or whatever activity will best occupy your mind without claiming all of it.
Your brother is not your responsibility. Neither is seeing your mother over the finish line. That will happen by itself when she is ready.
The waiting is very hard on you, don't make it harder by believing you can control how long it goes on.
I know it is extremely painful to see your mother go through this. I am so heartbroken every time I see my mother. Just know that you have done everything you can to enhance her life.
First, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can understand how you must feel.
I sat with my mom for 13 LONG days and nights in hospice (in a hospital setting) witnessing her in excruciating pain. I was told she would pass "shortly" but it took almost two weeks while I stayed there. It was grueling, to say the least.
Whenever I would leave my mom's room for a minute, I would always tell her (even though she was apparently "unconscious-yet screaming in pain) I was leaving for a few minutes. This way, if she wanted to go without me seeing her, she could.
On Christmas Day, 2018, I sang her favorite song to her, brushed the hair from her face, kissed her head and told her it was okay to go and she was going to a beautiful place. I told her we would be okay and that it's time to leave.
I looked up (from looking down at the bed) and my mom had tears running down her face. (She had not shown any sign of emotion other than screaming in pain for the last 13 days and nights). I was shocked to see her crying! My mom then sighed and took her last breath with me holding her in my arms. It was a beautiful thing.
I have to be honest...I was relieved that she finally went and elated she went peacefully at that last moment.
If I can be of any comfort to you, please know you can count on me even though I don't know you. This is the hardest thing you are going through and bless you for being there for your mom. There's nothing more you can do. It's in the Lord's hands now.
Since it has been a week of no food (no water?), she won't last much longer.
My Mom passed 20 min after my disabled nephew visited her. He was the last person who needed to visit. He held her hand and talk to her. I sang her favorite hymn. We said goodbye. The Nurse says she sees this all the time. Has even gone as far as having a phone put up to the persons ear so a son who lives far away can say goodbye. When this happens, the person passes.
so I would encourage those going through this stage to remember this.
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