I have had to take over my moms checkbook since she went in for double hernia surgery and she had a stroke at some point and is now dealing with very bad short term memory loss and dementia. In doing the checkbook for her I found out my brother had been getting a check from her twice a month and she doesn't remember why or even how many times she had done that. He keeps asking her in subtle ways when I'm not around and she writes the checks for cash now. She says one minute he helps her in the am to get out of bed and let her dogs out and then the next minute she is yelling at me for asking for money ,which I haven't, for taking care of her. We both care for her but she gets at at me for many things, and is so mean and cruel. I am the older sibling, with a college ed and a family and hard worker and my brother is the freeloader, on disability and food stamps and his girlfriend works, gets disability and SS income. I am now on disability also and have been seperated for 6 years from husband,and caring for two children both with disabilities and I have not asked for money to care for her! which I do and my husband does daily. What legal course do I have to make him stop taking advantage of her mental state for money? By the way he will get her house and a fairly new van, which he drives now, for his inheritance, I will get what money is left.. If it is not even, he has to pay me the difference which he says he will never have. Help, thanks, The honest daughter
Also, If a Court of Law already has declared that your mother is incompetent, then most likely it is too late to get a legal Power of Attorney (POA) document written. In that case, you might consider petitioning the Court to be your mother's legal guardian. There probably will be attorney and filing fees attached to these procedures! You need to be aware that being a guardian is an extremely serious responsibility that carries with it requirements to safeguard your mother's person, and/or her personal effects, and/or her finances. You will be required to file in Court an initial detailed statement of your mother's financial holdings, a statement of her real properties (land and/or house), and a statement of her personal possessions. Thereafter, you will be required annually to file with the Court a detailed update of your mother's financial holdings. The report will show the balance of monies from the initial (or prior year's) report, all monies received during the ensuing year, and all monies paid-out. You will need to include cancelled checks and receipts with your annual financial reports. At the time of your mother's death, you will file another such report with the court, before they will release her estate.
Before The Court will consider making you the Guardian of your mother, you most likely will be required to complete multi-paged documention regarding her physical and mental well being. You will name doctors (and their addresses), and they will be required to complete forms that you will attach to your overall documentation. Also, It is not a "given" that you will be named guardian of your mother. You must convince the court that you are the best candidate to be your mother's guardian, and that you will always keep your mother's best interest at heart.
BTW -- I am just passing along what I learned when helping my own mother-in-law get through a similar situation.
Has she made up a will? If not, she should. You should never go by word of mouth for "last wishes." I would recommend just dividing her assets equally whether they be property or liquid assets.
The brother needs to find another ATM other than your mother. I feel your pain, my sib had my Mom open a credit card just so she could give him a cash advance...which he did not pay in full. Incredible! She's on fixed income....how low can you get? This seems to be happening with so many of my friends....there is always one in the family.
You have way too much on your plate....you do not need more greif from the sib....good luck, Lilli