My mom (67), dad (74). I moved back in their home almost 2yrs ago to help out with as much as I can. I never became their legal caregiver. And at first, it seemed they were okay without one. As time progressd, they both became dependent on me for everything (driving, errands, housekeeping, etc. All except keeping up with their hygiene. Then, recently my dad became sick from a large open wound that became infected, and smelled like death. When he first burned himself with a cigarette, I begged him to get it checked out. He refused, and it got worse. Note; everytime I see something wrong with them, I beg them to either see their doc, and even let me call them myself. My dad was always getting upset with me about contacting his doc when he wouldn't. Until finally he told me to mind my business and forbid me to contact his doctors. Therefore, I've been stuck with no professional medical assistance; with stubborn, mean parents. Anyhow, he finally got really sick with that wound to the point I had to call 911 on him, because he refused to seek help. His claim is that he didn't want to be hospitalized. The wound was not going to heal itself. When the ambulance took him to the hospital, they're claiming elderly neglect. Contacted a social worker, now there's a pending investigation. I'm very happy this has happened, but my moms upset. She needs just as much professional assistance as he does, but doesn't want them snooping around the whole house. She's a hoarder, and I know for sure the social worker will have lots to say about her living area. My question is, has anyone gone through this before? If yes, will they search the whole house? Your comments will be appreciated. Thanks
Babalou: No, your input wasn't harsh at all, and thanks!
Pastegma: Thank you. No, I haven't been taking any money from them. I protect them from anyone who tries. I just hope they can help my parents, as I will comply with whatever information they need. Thanks God for this breakthrough!
As I see it, you have two choices. You can keep listening to your mother as though she's a competent adult (her child is going to be charged with Elder abuse/neglect and she's worried about what the social worker is going to day about the state of her house!?!?) Or you can realize that you're the only one dealing with a full deck of cards in the house. When someone you are caring for does something that is going to result in their becoming more ill and won't accept help, you either leave or call 911 and have a medical professional hear the patient's refusal of care. That's how you cover yourself.
I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. I would admit straight up to the social worker that you are in over your head and that your parents need more care than you can provide, due to their lack of cooperation. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh.