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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mother in law who has Alzheimer’s moved in recently and I am completely overwhelmed. Apart from Alzheimer’s she is going blind and always needs something or something always hurts that we constantly have to take her to the hospital. My husband asked me before she moved in about what I thought and to be honest. Well before I could even answer he put a guilt trip on me that he “would do it for my parents”. I didn’t say anything. She is in the living room all day so I don’t hang out there anymore. I can’t opinion because he gets hurt and will always put guilt trips on me about my parents like “well what would you do!?” “I would be happy if your parents were here”Im Hispanic and we have that mentality that if we don’t take care of our parents we are failures as kids. My parents are still young and I’m not planning on moving them in the near future. I doubt that would ever happen either because they live in another state and I have siblings who live there. My husband has siblings but they could care less for her. Today he is hurt with me and not talking with me because I said that I said that I like my privacy. Right away he asks “what your privacy was taken away or what”?I seriously can’t say anything because he will get hurt or we end up in a fight. please give me advice.
You tried it. It's not working. A new plan is needed.
Keep calm. Find a good time to speak to your Husband alone. Out of the house if possible.
Side step the 'your parents - my parents' guilt talk. Focus on his Mother's care needs.
Use facts eg Alzheimer's Disease is progressive & life-limiting. Focus on safety & wellbeing - for ALL of you. The care plan must work for ALL of you - right now it is not.
If your parents are still young, you are also still young. From the sound of it, you are not working, at least not outside the home, so you are with MIL a lot of the time. You are bearing the brunt of this, not DH. If your parents did move in, you would still be the one caring, not DH. He has no idea what this is like for you.
You think you “seriously can’t say anything because he will get hurt or we end up in a fight”. This is not a problem that can be solved without both of you getting upset. There is no magic wand that will change his head set with no pain to either of you. You need to accept that. Look for the best way to deal, but there is no way without an argument. He needs to know that cultures are changing all over the world, and if he is in the USA he has to think again about ‘Hispanic’. Spain is a modern European country, part of the EU, and I very much doubt if parent care is universally on the menu there.
See if you can dream up a reason to go away for 2 weeks. Get him to apply for ‘family leave’, or whatever it is called locally. Let him do the care for that time. If he hires carers, that is an option for you too. He needs to know what this is really like. Another option is for you to get a job that takes you out of the house. DH needs to work out what happens with all those trips to the hospital etc – there is no reason for you to do it if you are both working.
"I do not want to live with your parents" is a useful line to keep repeating. No 'because'. Just the simple fact.
By the way, she “always needs something or something always hurts that we constantly have to take her to the hospital” sounds like the start of bad bad bad behavior. Give her a thorough health work out, and then ignore the ‘hurts’. Many of us have hurts (I do myself), she needs to toughen up.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's not working.
A new plan is needed.
Keep calm. Find a good time to speak to your Husband alone. Out of the house if possible.
Side step the 'your parents - my parents' guilt talk.
Focus on his Mother's care needs.
Use facts eg Alzheimer's Disease is progressive & life-limiting. Focus on safety & wellbeing - for ALL of you. The care plan must work for ALL of you - right now it is not.
First step is for him to hear you.
You think you “seriously can’t say anything because he will get hurt or we end up in a fight”. This is not a problem that can be solved without both of you getting upset. There is no magic wand that will change his head set with no pain to either of you. You need to accept that. Look for the best way to deal, but there is no way without an argument. He needs to know that cultures are changing all over the world, and if he is in the USA he has to think again about ‘Hispanic’. Spain is a modern European country, part of the EU, and I very much doubt if parent care is universally on the menu there.
See if you can dream up a reason to go away for 2 weeks. Get him to apply for ‘family leave’, or whatever it is called locally. Let him do the care for that time. If he hires carers, that is an option for you too. He needs to know what this is really like. Another option is for you to get a job that takes you out of the house. DH needs to work out what happens with all those trips to the hospital etc – there is no reason for you to do it if you are both working.
"I do not want to live with your parents" is a useful line to keep repeating. No 'because'. Just the simple fact.
By the way, she “always needs something or something always hurts that we constantly have to take her to the hospital” sounds like the start of bad bad bad behavior. Give her a thorough health work out, and then ignore the ‘hurts’. Many of us have hurts (I do myself), she needs to toughen up.