My almost 93 year old father is in a care home. I have written on profile he has dementia. I believed this was the case at that time. The care home had doctor in to see him due to some unreasonable behaviour. He answered all questions correctly with no confusion. I have spoken to staff who say he's slightly confused at times but fine most of the time. He is compliant with them and does not lie to them. I also have a friend who visits him. I asked her to question him to test his memory. She thinks he seems quite sharp.
Every time I visit I get some tall story. They get more bizarre every time.. I have been trying to just agree but it's becoming very annoying.
He hates the limitations of care facility and keeps telling me he's getting out. According to him there have been farewell parties for him.
He has struck up a friendship with a woman . She has dementia which is quite obvious. One of the staff told me my Father and the lady were sitting together in corridor. Each time she passed the lady friend was lifting her top and flashing boobs. My Father sat and laughed. I just thought oh no I hope he's not telling her to do this. Surely if you care for someone you would try to stop them doing this. Also when this lady sits in public area herself or with other friends I have never seen her flashing. He is very manipulative and controlling. He will lie or do anything to get his own way. She is a vulnerable person. Do I raise my concern? Feel sick at the thought of this. Advice please.
If dad is considered competent why is he in memory care? Are you sure your POA is activated? Read it, it may require that dad be incompetent before giving you any power. How did he even get admitted to this place?
The head nurse in facility spoke to me as my Father was caught in bed with this lady, both with clothing off. They don't think full sex this time but know it's heading that way. The lady's family and I have been informed. I explained all my concerns and they are supportive and want to stop this.The facility is large enough to split them up. Having a meeting as they wish us involved in outcome.
They have established my Father does not have dementia but doctor believes he may have frontal lobal condition as well as cognitive decline. I personally think he knows what he's doing.
Should I let him know I am aware of situation and there will be consequences.
Advice appreciated
I had words with him. Told him I knew bad behavior was a ploy to get out and no matter what he does there are ways to deal with it and he is not getting out. He replied that he can leave any time he wishes. Explained if he tries he will go straight back ( I have power of attorney for his care)
For once he was speechless but I left at that point. Knew he was furious. Wants it all his way.
Thanks for info
Problem is my Father behaves very well for staff. Do not think they for a minute believe he could be setting up the problems.
Think I will speak to nursing manager.
They are aware of situation and monitoring it at present.
Theres a “gentleman” at Moms NH who says leud things to some of the residents, especially one lady. He is watched very closely by the staff and any one-on-one interaction with any of the ladies is quickly halted and separated. They’ve even put a caution tape across her doorway at night so her can’t enter. I’m glad that you seem to want to get out in front of this behavior proactively, this gentleman’s family ignores it. And yes, I would talk to his doctor about the behavior, including the delusions about parties etc.