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My Mother is currently in a nursing facility - she has dementia and can get quite aggresive - I feel that because of this she is really left alone - no one likes to deal with someone who fights them. I am trying to get the best care for my Mother - spoke with the facility director and asked if she could be moved to another unit where some of the patients who where with her in rehab are now - plus I got to know the daughters of these patients and I can relate to them an not feel so alone. The director is constantly telling me no beds available - I am beginning to think that because of her being a challange no one wants her. Should I start looking for another facility - plus my Mother enjoys doing arts and crafts and she is not allowed to get envolved. any advice??

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Even if an elderly person has a mental illness, treating them with dignity & respect despite aggression can be helped the same way other adults are helped~with an anti-depressant and behavior modifications. It is trendy now to medicate as little as possible, but trust me, an anti-depressant takes the edge off irritable clients. It will take about 3-4 weeks to absorb into their body, but then she will be so pleasant the staff will happily invite her back to activities to encourage behavior modifications & socialization. After 8 years of working in this field, there were only 2 clients impossible to care for, both with families refusing to medicate w anti-depressants. I'm not a fan of unneccessary medications, but if we want our parent to have a better quality & happiness in life, an anti-depressant will help lift their mood better than the best Caretaker. The staff has investigated the problem, they know where the moods come from, trust me, it's documented in her files. They've seen it before & they know what would help, give them a listen. The reason they're separating her from others is they have a legal obligation to protect the other residents from your Mom hurting them when they have their back turned.
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My 93 year old mother-in-law is in an AL. She suffers from dementia and macular degeneration, causing her to be mostly blind. She is able to navigate her way around the AL facility because her peripheral vision is good looking down. Because of this most people think that she can see as well as they. She cannot. She is subject to loud outbursts and angry cursing using some pretty vile language, and so the other residents want nothing to do with her. Having her present at games or arts and crafts simply means that the other residents will not participate. No residents will talk to her except for one younger resident who understands that her outbursts are due to her dementia. Also, most of the staff at the AL home avoid her except for required duties. She can be very nasty and vile.

One of the other residents said something to her that she didn't appreciate, and so my MIL reached over and pulled her hair. This isn't the first facility that she has been in, and changing facilities isn't going to change anything for her. Other than her blindness and dementia, she is as healthy as a horse and I suspect that she will live beyond a hundred years.

We live in a rural part of a small state, so there are no doctors who specialize in elder care. Medication makes her into a near zombie, and she falls often. There must be some middle ground somewhere, but we haven't found it yet. Good luck with your mom, but you have to realize that the staff at the NH are between a rock and a hard place, since your mom isn't the only resident.
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Your Mom might be better served in a Memory Care facility where the staff and the activities are geared towards those with all the behaviors associated with dementias. Perhaps she is not eligible for that type of unit because of her physical needs? My Dad has been in several over the past 18 months, until we found the current one, where he's been for about a year, and AFTER we got his aggressive behaviors under control with the right meds. The facility he is in now, has geri psych doctors and they have been wonderful in knowing about meds to control behaviors and in coming to see him every two weeks and communicating with me regularly about his behaviors and his meds. He is awake, as alert as he will ever be, and is up dressed, walking around and taking part in activities that are geared towards dementia residents. Residents in these facilities must be ambulatory or safe with walkers and able to be out of bed most of the day. In his facility, there are a number of residents who have progressed to needing wheelchairs and are still accommodated that way, but they are all up and dressed daily and out of their rooms except for an occasional afternoon nap. They are free to walk around, go indoors, outdoors (although the grounds are secured with high fences and locked gates) and get taken out on rides and other activities. There are arts and crafts, and gardening and construction projects for the men, as well as holiday parties and celebrations and visitor volunteers coming to share special activities too. Check your local area by searching on line for Memory Care or Alzheimers Care , or Dementia Units. Some of them are smaller locked units within Assisted Living facilities.
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I think my mum is going to be this way and its scares me but your mum has an illness and the NH should include her in all activities gosh what do these so called professionals actually do? Where are the docs when this kinda behaviour is going on?? i dont get it? Surely its up to them to investigate her moods? Hugs as i can imagine how upsetting this must be for you but demand that she takes part in arts and crafts!
I dont know anymore maybe the staff prefer they are all drugged up and not a bother to them?
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Teena, have they diagnosed her dementia? Medications may work for her, but first they need to know if she has Alzheimer's, vascular, Lewy Body or some other type. From there the MD would pick an appropriate med.
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Thank you for your answer. The director claims she is on a waiting list - hard for me to believe - I did ask about activities and the answer I got is if she is willing to partake- I feel like bring in games and playing with her and the other people who are being neglected
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Ask the director if there is a waiting list for a bed in another area. If so, get your mom on that list if you can. Is she in a memory care unit?

Who told you that your mom isn't allowed to join in an arts and crafts activity? When an elderly parent is in a NH it's wise to pick and choose your battles but your mom being excluded from activities because she's difficult is a battle I'd pick.

I'm a home healthcare nurse and I frequently have patients who are in a NH. One patient in particular who has dementia can be very difficult, very ugly, and very defiant. I've been told by staff members that they don't like to deal with her and stay away from her as much as possible. And while we all know that it isn't personal it is still challenging to care for someone like this. I'd love to say that this woman gets the same treatment as the rest of the residents but I know she doesn't so her family has had to hire private caregivers to make sure she's taken care of and to be advocates for her.

I'm not sure another facility would be any better. The patient I just mentioned, that I see? She's in the nicest NH I've ever been in.

Talk to the activities director. Maybe your mom is disruptive and that's why she's not included. If this is the case, I know the activities department would let you borrow some supplies for you and your mom to do some crafts together during a visit.
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