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My mother has been telling me that the aides in her AL are going into her room when she’s not there and taking her candy and cookies. She found the empty packages. She also says she thinks they are coming into her room when she’s downstairs for meals and activities. I said, Mom, I don’t think they would do that. She locks her door when she leaves and several time it was unlocked when she got back. The AL she is in is a small facility, very highly rated and is very expensive. Well, today I went there to drop something off. She was in the dining room having her lunch so I just got her room key from her and went up to her room. As I was fiddling with the lock the door opened which startled me. One of the aides was in there. I could see into the room and her rocking recliner was moving like someone just got up out of it. I said to the aid “you frightened me”. She started stuttering and said something like “I came in here to get away and get some fresh air - all the rooms here are so hot and stuffy”. Mind you, my mother keeps her room very warm all the time so she wasn’t getting any fresh air in there. I was so stunned and flabbergasted I didn’t even question her. She left and said I’m going down now to bring her back (Mom’s in a wheelchair). My question is, is that something I should report? My mother has had some run-ins with other aides but is afraid to say anything for fear of retaliation. I’m so disappointed in the facility. And feel terrible that I didn’t believe her. I have not told her about what happened today. Is this a common thing that happens in AL? If that has happed to anyone reading this, how did you handle it? Thank you.

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I don’t think this is a ‘terrible habit’. I think it’s fraud. I’ve never had a job that paid me when I wasn’t working. You have no idea whether the ‘worker’ is tired because the job is so tiring, or if they are party animals who don’t allow themselves enough sleep, or if they are moonlighting on another job as well. Most facilities are under-staffed from the ideal staffing level. Using your mother’s room is probably a good way to hide, as well as yet another infringement on what your mother is paying for.

Sympathy is out of place. It’s definitely one for admin.
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I wonder if this aide picked up this terrible habit working in a NH?
I have known that when aunts roommate was in the hospital, the night shift would come into her room, lie in the room mates bed and watch tv and eat. It was common knowledge. So yes. It does happen.

Justsotired. You might wonder aloud to the administrator if this aide had worked at a NH in her past as you had heard this happened to others. Some of these health care workers are worn to a frazzle from working night and day. It doesn’t make it okay but it is an issue. I experienced this while in the hospital, when my mom was in rehab. Even early one morning when I was a walk in (no appointment) to have blood work done at a National lab, the tech admitted she had just been awakened to come wait on me. She did fine but I do notice this.
Using a key to go into your moms room is to me akin to breaking and entering into someone’s home.
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waytomisery Apr 22, 2024
This is true . When I was a nursing supervisor on night shift in SNF, I would occasionally find an aide in empty beds. I was directed by admin to fire them on the spot when I found them .
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UPDATE— I spoke to an administrator this morning and they are going to check the cameras to see who the aide was that entered her room. She said this is not something to be tolerated. They are looking into it and will get back to me.
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AlvaDeer Apr 22, 2024
I am so glad. Please do let her know the extreme sorrow for you that you didn't believe your own mom when she was correct. And hope you will continue to update us. Thanks for your update here! And for your QUICK work.
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What is this "taking complaints out on the residents" all about?? My parents lived in AL for 8 years and I filled several complaints over the years. Never was anything "taken out" on my parents! The residents have voices and those voices are to be USED and HEARD. OP, use your voice now please!

In the 8 years of AL with my folks, and 2 years working in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility, I have NEVER heard of aides using residents rooms for themselves! Report this at once op.

The AL has staff relaxation rooms and lunch rooms to eat. The apartments are the residents HOMES. The aides doing this need to be reprimanded and or fired if it ever happens again.

Get a nanny cam Roger, it's really very simple.
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Report that staff member asap.
That behaviour shows a lack of respect. Short jump from there to thieving imho.

That kind of person can be a bad influence on other/new staff. One bad apple that spreads rot. Management need to know.

PS I have never come accross that sort of incident before.
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AlvaDeer Apr 21, 2024
I wouldn't just report it. I would ask for the admins to call in this person, and would hold the meeting with the one caught and with the admin.
I would raise a reasonable and quiet Hades. I would let them know that I didn't believe my Mom and that they cannot imagine the pain of such a thing when she was telling the truth. And I would do it face to face with the admin there.
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Now I'm getting jitters about AS.
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JoAnn29 Apr 22, 2024
My Mom was in a small one, 39 rooms. I was there almost everyday, even if it was only 15min. Lived up the street so easy to drop in while out and about. Nothing is perfect Rodger. My Mom was well taken care of. A lot of stress taken off my shoulders.
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To the admins this Monday for an immediate meeting. I would want to confront them with what your mother said, and what you FOUND with the administrator there.
This is pretty clear to me, is it not to you?
I would demand, if mother is staying there, to allow a camera in the room, which of course means this gang moves on to the next one.
How DARE they.
To me this seems pretty clear.
How tragic. Here is a resident who isn't believed by her family.
My brother accused to me, an aid of stealing. I told him he should never do that, that he agreed not to keep money in his room and if he did so it was his fault. He told and it turned out that he had hidden his money between his towels, not in the book he thought he had. He was wrong.

I would say on what you saw that your mother was telling the truth and it is tragic when workers use elders deficits against them. Awful.

Please update us after you speak to the administrator of the facility.
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Justsotired Apr 21, 2024
I know that is hat needs to be done. And what does the admin do? Do they just reprimand the aides? And then do the aides take it out on the resident? My mother (and I) is so afraid of them taking it out on her. But I suppose I won’t know until I speak to someone. I wonder how commonplace this is in AL facilities.
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