My father drinks from the early morning hours until when he comes home, sometimes going back and forth from home to bar several times in a day. He is clearly losing his mind as he leaves notes on my door looking for my mother when he knows or knew she has been away. Now he consistently loses his ATM card, lost his checkbook, and says he has no money even though he has his money in his account. Who do you call? What do you do? It's the same things over and over
You can't force him to get help. Most alcoholics will not get help until they hit rock bottom. His rock bottom could be getting arrested for drunk driving, and having his license suspended. It may require an even lower low than that. But you can't force him into help...even if he truly does have dementia he needs to get sober before a diagnosis.
If you can't convince him to get help because he wants to, then then law needs to step in.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
His living arrangements right now are deplorable right down to plumbing in the house.
I appreciate your reply.
If he wants help he will probably need to be admitted into a detox. Detox from alcohol can be deadly and should not be done at home, alone. It must be done in a medical setting where they can monitor for seizures and have him on a medication protocol. From there, there are many successful programs, like AA (but not only AA, there are many other programs too) that can help him to stay sober.
About the dementia, if you get him a medical examination and are truthful with them, they will not give you a diagnosis at all until he is at least 6 months sober. Alcoholism can mimic dementia. Also, alcohol has it's own dementia, known as Alcohol induced dementia, Alcohol related dementia, or Alcohol Induced Persistent Dementia. Again these would not be diagnosed until he is sober for a while. You can't tell what a person really has if they are drunk.
I wish you lots of luck. I would be happy to answer any follow up questions you have, I have a lot of experience with alcoholism, and dual diagnosis (alcoholism with a mental illness).