My 80-year-old husband has Alzheimer's/dementia; he's on Donepezil and Celexa; I can handle caring for him during the day just fine but at night it's very difficult; he's always had a couple of drinks in the evening, but now, with these meds(?), only two drinks but he has more shots in a 24 oz glass, and he's fallen (with a walker) several times; I can't stand him drunk and slept on the couch last night. He won't go to AL, but how do we stop the alcohol; he knows it's not good! Could alcohol mixed with these meds cause him to get drunk quicker. He didn't used to get this bad.
If a caregiver fails to provide care or fails to send care it is considered elder abuse and neglect.
A person with cognitive decline cannot make wise decisions on their own.
At some point, the patient will need a POA or conservatorship-someone to make decisions for him.
The POA does not have to be the wife.
This is not the first time a coincidence came up on a topic discussed just this morning. This forum will address your own issues if you wait a minute or so.
I mentioned how persons with Aspergers, a TBI (traumatic brain injury), other illnesses, and anyone taking medications should not be drinking alcohol.
A neighbor had walked by coming from the liquor store about 11:00 a.m.. Living with his mother who just moved in and declares to anyone who will listen that her adult son is:
"He's not okay in the head". "He drinks". "I told him I would get a restraining order to move him out if he continued to drink.", she says.
He is already vandalizing property, meeting up with other drunks, cussing, and loitering around homes with children at night.
The first time I saw this new neighbor, my early warning alert went off in my head, and I wanted to be wrong, but he is a problem at age 45.
My sympathies to you Cheryl. Alcohol is a common issue for many. It can be a constant battle. One with early solutions I am hoping before it's too late.
Wondering how we, as neighbors could help.
Wondering if we do nothing is this the man who is going off the deep end someday and terrorize the neighborhood? Or worse? If we stand by and do nothing?
I had a next-door neighbor who moved in with her boyfriend and left her house, a rental, unoccupied. I knew she had a son who was mysteriously never around. From what she'd said, I suspected that he was either incarcerated or in a mental institution.
Some time after she moved out, I heard shouting on the other side of the hedge. It was a man, 26-ish or so, and he was screaming into his cell phone and pacing frantically. He was yelling at inanimate objects and kicking them, too. He seemed berserk and had a wild look about him. I'd never seen him before but he was going in and out of the house. I didn't know how to reach my former neighbor. I called her landlord, who was another neighbor who lived down the street, and told him what was going on.
He was immediately very concerned. He knew more about the situation than I did because he'd known his tenant a long time, and he said it could be her son. Police came, the guy left. The woman moved all of her things out and the house sold soon after. When I next saw the landlord neighbor, he rolled his eyes and said somberly, "We sure missed a bullet on that one." I don't know if he meant it literally or not.
Situations have a way of evolving. Assume the worst, and stay safe.
2. Since you cannot stand him drunk, and this makes you suffer from his behaviors, I could be wrong, but following the advice in #1 even though your husband has Alzheimer's may actually help him.
3. So my advice is: Never pick him up off the floor if he has fallen or passed out.
You could be injured. Supporting his unstable attempts to get to bed could also endanger you, so don't help him if he has been drinking.
4. The next time he falls (except if he falls into bed), call 911.
They will pick him up off the floor, and assess for transport to the E.R.
5. After several falls and intervention by 911, your dH (dear husband) may be sent to AL, admitted to a behavioral unit, or discharged to a facility. That is the consequences of his mixing medication with alcohol.
6. Experienced caregivers here may give strong and good advice to NOT pick him up from E.R., or allow him to return home without treatment.
It is a sad outcome, but no one can count the toll of the consequences of his poor behavior on you. The people who can understand are meeting in the next few days or week at an Alanon meeting near you, or likely on Zoom these days.
That is how caregiving an alcoholic can be done to get them the care they need.
Otherwise, by default, you are signing up to be the caregiver to an alcoholic, putting yourself in danger, and becoming resentful.
Sign here if you are signing up for his care while drinking, and sleeping on the couch.
Signed: ______________________your name here.
Alcohol and dementia doesn't mix.
There are Al-Anon online and telephone meetings available.
And if he continues to drink then stick to your guns and get him placed.
Your husband is self-medicating. It's time for you to attend Al-Anon, and time for hubby to go to AA meetings if he will.
There is very little you can do to control access to alcohol OR to control drinking in another individual.
If your husband fully understands that you may not stand by to witness a descent into alcoholism, nor to deal with an alcoholic, he may accept help. Of course he may NOT! You may be left with a very difficult decision for yourself.
I'm 82 and aware that taking up alcohol is going to have my bottom on the cement; our balance just becomes trash as we age, and can't take alcohol without serious spills. Falling is often the beginning of the end for us seniors.
I wish you both the best of luck. You'll get wonderful suggestions/helpful support at a community at Al-Anon. I PROMISE you that.
If he is driving himself to the store, you must prevent it at all costs (for the safety of other people, if not his own).
Of course he'll be livid. You can't have his recovery for him -- and at 80 and with ALZ he's probably not capable of detoxing himself.
He may have Wernike-Korsakoff syndrome, which is a type of dementia that alcoholics get (also called "wet brain"). It's from a vitamin deficiency caused by the alcohol consumption. It may be treatable, but only if he stops drinking.
He's an alcoholic who can't get along without his booze. He's inebriated, which contributes to his falling, though since he has dementia, he'd probably fall anyway even without the alcohol. Expect a lot more falls.
You must take this up with his doctor! Did you know that drinking alcohol contributes to memory loss? Did your husband know that? Be honest with the doctor; something tells me that husband has been enabled for a long time so that he could continue his addiction, and doctor may not know the extent of it. The enabling needs to stop. Who supplies the booze?
Someone is going to advise you to go to Al-Anon meetings to help yourself cope with his alcoholism. But he has dementia, and it's not that easy for you to get out to go to meetings because he shouldn't be left alone. So that may not be practical.
Someone else will probably suggest AA for him, but he's not going to want to go. Also, since he has dementia, working the AA steps or understanding and retaining information he gets at the meeting is not likely.
At some point, he'll have a really bad fall, which means hospital, rehab, and after that back home where you'll take care of him, or he'll go to a skilled nursing facility where someone else will. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, but it's a familiar story and that's the trajectory.