Did you ever imagine yourself caring for both your parents?

Your mom won't change. She'll continue to get more negative. If something needs to be changed you will have to be the one to do it. I know that's harsh but it's true. Someone her age who is so negative and unpleasant reaps what they sow and instead of thinking, "Wow, this isn't really working for me, I don't like this about myself" like we would, they just keep plowing through life with their dysfuction and when things are unpleasant for them because of that dysfuction they blame others and become more negative.

We might have the power to change someone's mind but not who they are. I'm sorry you have to care for both parents at the same time. That's particularly rough. Your mom sounds very toxic which makes things so much more difficult for you. Do you have siblings who can step in from time to time, let you get away for a few hours or just to take a nap?

My parents never did anything for me. I put myself through night school. I worked 2 & 3 jobs at times to make ends meet. By this time in my life I thought I would be out skiing, golfing, biking, travelling, hiking, etc. Instead both of my divorced, destitute parents (who both squandered their own money ) threw themselves on me.

Gigi, My prayers are with you I always tell my Dad that things could be worse. And I have told my Mom you make of life what you put into it. The negative behavior started over 18 years ago it just escalates year after year. I think part of my Mom's problem was when I left home she didn't really get involved in a outside job or hobbie. They were always moving by their choice and that meant new drs.,hair dressers etc. but you should know this when you move. I know her decision to stop driving was a bad choice know she's unhappy with it but won't own up to it. She says she never expected my Dad to live this long. Well most wives would not want their husbands to die. My husband understands what this does to me. I am an only child. My Dad has two children but they are not in the picture. Decor426

Wow. You are in a tough position. I understand what you are going through. I care for both my mom and dad, 72 and 76, in my home after a bad auto accident left them unable to care for themselves anymore. They both suffered head injuries and survived life support. It has not been easy. They look like they are my parents, but especially my dad, it's not the same. It is really hard. I've been caring for them since the accident almost 3 years ago, and am looking into options for dad. But it is killing me. I really just wish that they would be okay and go back to being my mom and dad. I am really having a hard time of it on most days. I am so sorry that your mom is blaming you. She needs to understand that if she lives her life blaming others, then she is not living. She needs to embrace the life she does have. It's all she's got, which is more than what others may have. Has she always been negative?
I also have two teenage sons, they are actually my husband's boys, that live with us. I haven't had any of my own yet and my only sibling and I never talk as she doesn't help with our parents, so I kinda miss out on the neice/nephew relationships. All that makes it hard as I sometimes wonder if I am all that's left of my family. Thank God my husband is there for me. Hope and pray that you have a supportive hubby. It helps. You must be so tired. Wish I had good advice, but I am just now muddling through it as well. Hang in there - and don't lose your life in the midst of it. ~Gigi