How much longer can I last, I feel like my life is over?

Hey thanks for the input and trust I am listening and trying to think these things through. Some things happened over the holiday weekend involving my sister who is apparently still the same after being in prison and getting out. Some things never change I guess. Anyway it has taken its toll on all of us it was that bad and quite honestly I am just numb at the moment at the cruelty of some people (sister). She gave my niece a stolen car. She stole it from one of her many boyfriends mothers who "found" the car this weekend when my sister tried to run this man down with his truck she stole from him with a meth lab in the back of it.

Oh I won't go into all the details we all have our stories but I never felt so bad for anyone when I saw the mass destruction she heaped on her own child and mother.
I am listening to you folks and grateful this site is here and you are willing to talk to me at all. Thank you. I cannot keep one solid straight thoght in my head and I am very lost at the moment. Again thanks.

Dizzy- Sunshine said it very well and as I have been on this site for a while it may be time for you to give up being a caregiver only you know when the time is if you always have terrible days and no matter what you do you are you are unable to continus my tharpist who I stopped going to asked me when it was time to give up I said I would know it has to be your decision and you know how much you have had to take and when that time is. Please keep in touch

From everything you have said, your heart may be telling you that being a caregiver to your Mom may not be something you can do at this time in your life for many reasons. If that is true, what are your next steps to reclaim your life, health, peace and well-being, not to mention possible safety to you and your Mom? Are you feeling guilty because you are no longer willing to put up with the conditions you have described? That is not something you need to feel guilty about if that is where you are in your life. It is what it is. If that is the case, why not start by telling your Mom exactly that? Or, if you feel you do not have the nerve to face her alone, how about talking to her doctor and telling her that when you next take her to one of her doctor's appointments? You could ask the doctor to offer you both some guidance on what alternatives you and your Mom have knowing that she will need to live on her own, instead of with you. That is one option you might consider if it is something you really want to do, but ultimately, any action or inaction in the situation you have described will be up to you. Your Mom and your neice have no incentive to move out if you enable them to live with you. Another thing to think about if you live in a rental unit, be it a house or an apartment, additional residents have to be approved by the landlord on the lease, so if you have not officially added your Mom and/or your neice to the lease and your neice were to get into trouble with her possible drug activity while on the property and/or in your unit, it could jeopardize your lease. If that happpened, where would you be? If your niece's possible illegal drug activity is of concern to you, tell her you are not willing to jeopardize your own housing and/or safety and that your hands are full with your Mom's situation, limited living space, and it is time for her to move on with her life. Would that be a problem, or to hard to do? Most importantly, what do you want to do? Letting go of your own life is not an option, or should not be, but that is just one opinion on what you have shared. Will be rooting for you to find a solution that best works for you.

I don't know anymore what to do. When my step father passed my mom had a bad accident and was in a nursing home to recover. One day she says oh by the way I am coming home in a week. Home meant my home because she let her home go thinking she would not leave the nursing home. The house she lived in should have been condemned a long time ago but she would not leave it. Anyway she had my niece living with her so it was a package deal when all of the sudden she was coming home. I live in a one bedroom very small house and I cannot afford to move onw hat I make. I have some handicaps myself so I cannot do the two jobs thing I tried. She got papers for help int he mail and put them to the side and never said anything to me so her case was dropped. Argh now I have to start all over again. Those forms were hard enough to understand the first time around.

My niece is a pain to be honest as she is lazy, crude and rude. Her mother is a drug addict and one day shows up with a car she bought the kid. Another burden I refused to take so she got it tagged and insured some way but the kid expects me to keep her in gas so she can run the streets. She curses at my mother who then curses at me. Its getting to me so badly that I told mom something had to give and I was cursed as the lwest form of life etc., etc.

I have no help either as I said my sister is a drug addict and my brother lives in another state and is disabled and cannot work. His idea of helping is to send her expensive gifts here and there that don't pay the light bill or put food on the table.
We literally had no food until a friend of mine showed up with some and she was not even grateful just telling me that when I got paid again she was demanding I get her chocolate covered cherries because dad neve went a holiday without them. She often tells me how she lost everything because I am so worthless and didnt do enough. Her house was full of mold from the weather getting inside and there were rats and even a nice old snake running through the mess. In one room it was literally piled from the floor to the ceiling. Folks I am not exaggerating and I was told she had not been declared slight of mind or whatever the proper term is so I could do nothing about it. Argh....

I am so lost she has chased away anyone who would come around with her rudeness and if she doesn't that kid does. I broke my back three years ago and to behonest I am not supposed to be able to do anything that I do like walk or go to work but all I hear is that I don't know pain until I feel her pain shut up and stop being such a bad daughter when I want to sit for a bit after work instead of rushing around to suit her.

I am at the end of my rop and I cannot cry anymore tears and I just don't think I even want to go on period. I am not equipped to do this.

195Austin, you are so right when you say that we will all have our rough days. Today is one such for me and seeing your post brings a smile to my face as it is a reminder that we are not alone when others care as much as you and so many others on this site. Thank you for your healing message!

Spie
Welcome to this site these people will be a lifesaver for you. You should be proud of yourself that you are managing or as they say in the northeast-multitasking. Do not feel quiltty-DROP THE GUILT- I am better off than most of the selfless people on this site- and have become a better person for having this site to go to to vent and to see how my friends are doing. We will have bad days and being able to post is sometimes the only thing going for us-please keep in touch.

Hi, spie! You are taking care of your parents very well, believe it or not. You juggle your life and administer their financial affairs and change diapers. I would say that is the definition of caregiving at its finest. The fact that you must work doesn't make you any less of a caregiver. It just means that you are truly dedicated to caring for your parents and are trying to keep that juggling act going. Caregiving is an exhausting proposition whether one is employed full-time, part-time, or not at all outside of one's home. Fun for me may be a good book, an early nap, a drive out, my favorite bookstore, a long, leisurely walk, or dinner with a good friend. There is a lot that one can do to achieve balance in one's life. The challenge is recognizing the right timing and seizing the moment before the window of opportunity passes. It may be a cup of coffee savored before the rest of the world starts to stir, a warm throw over one's shoulder as one sips the hot cup of coffee and enjoys the perfect stillness of a new morning, a new day. It's all 'simple abundance,' as author Sarah B. Breathnach so wonderfully describes such moments in one of her books. It may be a favorite oversized chair or special nook in your home....

Hi-I am new to this site also. I am taking care of both of my parents, plus working full time, plus trying to keep my husband happy. I am extremely tired and stressed. I also feel very isolated. How do the rest of you find time for any type of fun or relaxation? I am up every morning at 4:45 and I don't sit down until around 8 or 9. I do everything for my parents-(bills, groceries, baths, haircuts, urostomy bags, diaper changes etc.) plus trying to take care of my own house. I do have someone come in during the time that I am at work but it is very expensive and it is using up all of my parents savings. On top of it all, I feel guilty for not feeling completely happy about taking care of them! A constant Catch 22!

Melissa
Welcome this site will be a life saver to you. I am a caregiver for my husband and am now recovering from broken ribs and am now able to use the computer more-but whatever questions you have sooner of later you will get good advice from those in the know who have been through so much and still will be a comfort to you .

melissa38 hi you are certainly here, sorry about your evening, night, and morning i'm guessing. we all know one bad night will throw off a few days. enjoy thse people, they seem to be life savors.

I am testing this site to see if I can get logged on to it. I've been up all night with my mom. Please respond and let me know if this is viewed.

Thank You

We are luckly to have many nursing homes to choose from in the area whwere I live and are inspected often-but I think it is best to have your loved ones in one whwere you or someone dependable can check on them often,As I have observed the families who are calm and approachable are able to get their problems addressed easier. At one nursing home my husbands roomates' wife had a meltdown each day so even when she had a real problem she was dismissed.

Like you, I have worked in the nursing home industry many years ago and short of total memory loss or loss of consciousness, may the God Lord hear both of our prayers that neither you nor I want our loved ones to ever have the be placed in a nursing home. You know what you are talking about when you say that. If it comes down to that, of course, I will clearly know that I have done my best to avoid it, but seeing that I would never want to be in a nursing home myself, I would never want to place anyone I love in a nursing home. It is living by the golden rule. Glad to hear that things have settled down for a bit with your parents. Caregiving is touch and go as your situation clearly describes, so I find it best to slow down a lot, take one thing at-a-time, and I truly have learned to pick and choose. If a person who has dementia is saying something that harms no one, as I see it, it really is not worth arguing about the comments and agitating oneself and the person being cared for. If, on the other hand, there is potential danger or a potential safety issue relative to what is being said by an individual with dementia, then as the caregiver, my responsibility is to intervene to help avoid disastrous consequences. Your Mom probably has forgotten more than you think and/or than she realizes at this point. No harm

Thanks I needed that, My parents are in the middle with the help they can get, the doctors say that they don't know how long this could go on . My father is getting stronger day by day,he still thinks that he can walk and whats to get up with out help and he has feel once. mom dosen't want to belive that she is having problem remembering short term things. she use to be a social worker and some times I think that she has forgotten what she use to tell other people.But today was a good day for everyone mom took a nap, and dad stayed in bed. all the op, speech,the nurse, pt, the new wheel chair, all showed up at the time they said they would and I got to work on time and the people at work sayed me a gallon of soup and sandwithes for supper I almost cryed. Thank you again. I do love them and I use to work in a nursing home that is not a place I would like for them to have to go.

I am a stay at home caregiver, at least for now as I don't know how long I will be able to afford doing this, much as I would like to because I would rather be the caregiver as opposed to paying a stranger to take care of my loved one. Try to look at it one day at a time before you quit your part-time job. Can your parents qualify for in-home care and/or do they have the financial means to get that sort of help? Have you requested a consult with their doctors? What do the doctors suggest in terms of the type of care they will require here and now? Your life is not over. You need a lot more information before you rush to a conclusion. The doctors will be a great start to help you think about what all your parents need right now by way of care and whether you are in a position to provide it on your own. If nothing else, you may need occasional respite care to allow you a few hours away from it all to think about your next steps. Hang in there, and keep sharing. Sharing with each other helps a lot of us who are caregivers.