How can I convince my mom this is the best decision?

back on topic , yes my mom is aware that she should not be living alone, but she is so scared of hurting the "boys" three adult men... she worries they will be upset if she gives the money to add a room she hears from them only on christmas and her bday when i arrange it, they are way too busy with family and work... still they are her sons and she loves them deeply and holds out hope that things will change she just wants them to love her, very sad...

my husband has been so wonderful through all times i have been helping mom, my not being home evenings, emotional stress, helping pay some of her expenses etc.
however i am very worried about how having her live with us will affect him. mom is very emotionally needy and can be draining . our youngest just graduated college and we have just started having time for ourselves, he is so great about everything but i do worry about him.

Dear Alice, I know, from my own experience, and others here, that in order to legally force it, you must get a letter from a doctor to say she is incompetent, and needs help for care for herself physically. Then, you must file for guardianship/conservatorship. You would have to talk to your siblings about this, or an elder law attorney for the proper legal advice. Good luck to you, and take care.

Does your mom agree that she can no longer live on her own? Do your siblings agree that your mom can no longer live on her own? If the answer to both questions is yes then the economics of what you are offering, compared to the cost of assisted living, nursing homes, or other types of elder care services should be all the evidence you need to convince your mom and siblings the addition is a wise investment. If the answer to either of the questions is no then you need to work on convincing mom (and or siblings) that she can't live on her own.