Sometimes I feel like the demands of my father-in-law's care take total presidence over our marriage. I feel like I have give my heart and soul to my husband, and his life is completely centered around his father. I hate to sound selfish, but I feel lonely, emotionally neglected and drained, and hopeless. My husband will not hear of placing his father in a nursing home, and I would never ask him to do so. We need balance so badly, and there is no one else in the family who is willing to help with dad. Please help me; I am so lost and out of ideas.
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I know your husband feels he needs to do what he is doing, but it is affecting your marriage and that is not what his father would want. There are so many good care options, where your husband can still be part of the care team. He should be touring assisted living and/or nursing homes and finding the best one available, because even if he doesn't need to move his dad now, he may have to in the future and it's best to know what is available. Some homes are dreadful, but some are wonderful and elders find safety and a social network with peers.
If his father is not living with you, perhaps in-home agency care would free him to have more time with you. He needs to look at options. Adult day care is another one. I hope you can get him to understand what this is doing to your marriage.
Carol