My siblings and I feel it is time my mom didn't live alone any longer...how do we get her to understand this?

Windyridge, I live just 10 minutes away and get that same knot. Today was a doozy.

You said five sibs in three states? Has anyone got POA? Is she still in control of her own finances?

I'm 600 miles from my folks and I'm entering this same minefield. They need to be in assited living but are not mentally incompetent yet, as least in the view of any court or judge. But they are no longer able to recognize how bad things are getting. For me and many others it's probably going to take an event or crisis to force the issue. I get a knot in my stomach whenever the phone rings.

NancyH
happened with us also. Mom went into a decline and ended up in the hospital 3 times in 6 weeks and we were at her house 24/7 for that time. guess we didn't recognize all the signs of her medical issues. Finally last time in hospital she went to subacute rehab at a great facility. We realized that she needed a lot more medical care than we could provide. She stayed at the facility in the skilled nursing section but she does not like it either. She has declined some more (she is 96) and we now reallize that it is the best thing for her to be there. She has become a little more forgetful and often doesn't realize where she is or thinks she is in her own house.
You are right --sometimes a seemingly bad situation can lead to a solution that is an opportunity. But I am sorry that your MIL had to break her hip...hope she is healing well.

We thought we were going to have to blast my mother-in-law out of her house with dynamite. NONE of us wanted to be the one that forced her out. She was adamant about NOT leaving her home. Then what normally would've been a bad thing, turned out to be good thing. She fell and broke her hip! That convinced her that she couldn't live alone anymore, so we scrambled and moved her when she got out of the nursing home/rehab. We had already been looking for places before that, so when we got our window of opportunity, we were ready. She hates it, but she also knows it's the best thing for her. My advice, start looking around, find a place that those of you that are local like, and wait for the opportunity. Who knows, maybe you'll get 'lucky' like we did. ha.

Thanks HeidiD....would you happen to know of a few links for those referral services?

check online for referral services. some are able to help nationwide

It's hard for us to all sit down together...there are 5 of us in 3 different states. We do discuss it via phone and we are all on the same page that it's time for our Mom's living conditions change.

As mentioned earlier, sometimes an executive decision in the interest of a parent's safety has to be made. However, "success" in moving is measured by "cooperation" and "agreement." More powerful than getting the other to "see" your way is all parties sitting down to share their concerns, hopes, needs, and viewpoints with a skilled facilitator who is neutral, respectful, and concerned, as well as knowledgeable about aging and aging resources, and who will motivate all to find a workable plan.
Rabbi Scott Saulson, PhD

Life's critical decisions need to be made by individuals competent to do so. It sounds as if your mother is not competent to do so, and for her safety and well being some other competent individual needs to makec that decision. She may not go without kicking and screaming, but, as in the case of many dementia-related incidents, may forget all about it in a day or two. And you may find, as thousands of others have, that after a few weeks in a care facility, she may be as happy as at home (but in 24/7 care).