I'm the only one in charge of health and legal rights. I feel like I can not leave the house with even my phone. My husband is now starting to go through the same problem with his parents. However they live on the East Coast of Florida. 4 hours away. I am the one they need to help them with the legal matters my husband needs my help. They speak spanish and I don't. He has been there for me all the times with my mom. But I feel bad about just going away for a couple of days to help him out. Every time the phone rings I jump. When she falls it has been many times over the years. I had to be there both here in Florida and also when she was in New York. What am I to do with out feeling guilty. Thank you for any kind of advice. patrica61
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You can't be everywhere at once. Try to find a balance. Look for a backup to rush to your mom's side, when needed, if you are gone. However, your husband understands your position. You will continue to feel torn. It's human. All you can do is your best. Get backup where you can, from friends and others.
Does your mom live alone? If so, she should have a personal alarm to push if she falls. You would be the first responder when the dispatcher calls, but you would give the agency a second responder. If this sounds helpful, please check into it. There are many available. You can find them online.
Most importantly, you are doing everything you can, so please drop the guilt.
Carol
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Her doctor simply will not help me. I would be very interested in anyone out there that had a similar situation and how in the world did you get your mom/dad to go to a facility without fighting it. Help!! Thanks.
kathy
I gather you are an only child which I am. My mother is being cared for in a nursing home because of her health problems and became totally unsafe for her to live at home with her husband who is in a wheel chair. My wife and I are both on disability with two teenage boys as well as not being in any position to provide care at home. My wife's mother is older than any of my parents or step-parents and she's a story of her own.
Last year this month is when my mother's health dementia, stroke, broken hip, fell like Niagra Falls along with the discovery of a terrible 6 year's worth of unpaid taxes. If I did not have my therapist, I don't think I would have survived that time nor be a bit more removed from the drama of it like I am now. So, all of this advice is very good. However, I suggest an objecttive and trained third person like a counselor or religious leader might be needed to help you get from point A to point B. I can tell from reading about your and your husband's situations that you each have a lot on your plate with also adds extra stress of a marraige. While making sure your mother is cared for and safe also make sure to keep your marriage safe. I wish you the best
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