Mom is 92 and in the early stages of multi infarct dementia, blind in one eye, almost blind in the second, can barely hear with a hearing aide. Terrible balance and always a fall risk. Before she started getting confused, she repeatedly told me she was tired of living like this and was ready to die. She lives with me and I have her on a 3 small meals with Ensure 3x/day to maintain weight (99 lbs). She was recently in respite care for one week and lost 5 lbs because they didn't "encourage" eating and let her refuse the Ensure. My sister is telling me I shouldn't pressure Mom to eat, that if she wants to die I should just let her eat as little as she likes and "let go". Can one do this? Should I see her doctor for advice? If the dr says it's OK for Mom to choose not to eat much, should I think about hospice? What are the legal (as in Adult protective services) implications of letting her starve herself? Has anyone been in this situation? Help!
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I'd take her to her doctor, and I’d ask about hospice. The doctor can help you decide if this is the right move.
She still has rights, but you and she need some medical advice. Her comfort and contentment are the important factors here. She may be very uncomfortable with food because of a correctible condition, or it may be her organs are shutting down naturally and her body doesn't want food. A doctor should be able to tell you what is going on.
Take care. You are a very loving person and are thinking things through. Please let us know how it goes.
Carol
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Marie
I think you need some legal advice also. Did your mother give you or your sister Medical Power of Atty. If so, you need legal advice to understand some very important parts of that document which would apply now.
As caregivers, we can only do what we think is best for our loved ones. Often, we are left alone by family to make these decisions by ourselves because it is just to "icky" for them to think about.
IMHO, this life is a beautiful "test run"...our bodies house our spirits...and when that spirit is someday released, our true life begins.
Peace to all who are making these decsions right now.
Lilli
I took mom to her dr today and he gladly ordered hospice, saying it was not only indicate for mom, but that I needed support also.
Yes, legal stuff was taken care of years ago when my dad got sick, POA, living will, etc. Mom is still with it enough to tell me she doesn't want anything done to keep her around, no feeding tubes, etc. My sister lives 2000 miles away but is very supportive and basically backs me up on everything I do. After reading about some other people's family nightmares, I am so grateful for her.
I'm looking forward to meeting her hospice nurse this week. She will be sent from the same agency who has been doing Mom's home health care, and her shower aide will stay the same. That's a big relief, as this lady has been coming here for almost 2 years and Mom has gotten really attached to her.
Again, thank you so much, all of you are angels.
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