Why do we even have Mother's Day? From a caregivers prospective.
With all the horrible stories that I've been reading here about people's mother during their childhood and how people are being treated by their mother, why do we even have it?
"So much despair and torment and feeling put upon is based in 'our heads' - putting that aside and experiencing the good moments when the happen make all the difference. Smile and the world eventually smiles with you. We may have dark moments, but gain nothing from tormenting ourselves by rehashing the hurt. Every religion has that message - to remind us when we forget what we intuitively know ourselves."
such a basic guide to life! beautifully put. thank you.
nobody is perfect, nobody's life is perfect and in that way, we are all perfect. compassion comes directly from remembering the conundrum of perfection and forgetting everything else.
cheers to you, all caregivers and the everyone they care for and the experiences of life and ultimate love that binds us all.
Actually, I have overlooked alot in order to transition from a child to a woman and then my mom's friend over the years. It was not always easy, but I am fortunate to have a disposition that ignores stupid hurtful comments and stay focused on building the relationship whether it be family or someone I just met. So rather than holding on to perceived or actual grievances, I just smile, ignore and say I love you - even if my mom acts out and kicks me in the stomach when I am trying to help her put on another diaper which she does not like to wear.
I don't believe in buying into angst and crisis because that is like adding gasoline to a small fire, it takes two people to fight so I have perfected the art of walking away or changing the subject. All caregivers who provide care deserve equal respect. Doing it with a chip on a shoulder harms the heart and soul, as well as future health. I trained myself to take it the way it is and do not expect others to be sensitive to how I am feeling. Once you lose the expectation, you have alot of time and energy to take people at face value and get to know them. life is too short to not live love and laugh.
So much despair and torment and feeling put upon is based in 'our heads' - putting that aside and experiencing the good moments when the happen make all the difference. Smile and the world eventually smiles with you. We may have dark moments, but gain nothing from tormenting ourselves by rehashing the hurt. Every religion has that message - to remind us when we forget what we intuitively know ourselves. It was a struggle for me to learn this - and occasionally I have to remember it as well when someone wounds me with their words. I understand perfect and hope that we will not be divided on this board between the "those who understand" club and those who also understand - we all get it. Nobody's life is perfect.
Wishing happiness and God Bless everyone - lets accord the same respect and honor to all, because all caregivers share a bond despite their different situations.
Annlidiot, you are among the blessed ones to know your mom as a friend. Thank you for sharing your story about how happy you are that your mom got smiles and a hug from a little kid in an elevator at her doctors office. Sounds like that was a real heartwarming moment, and a great day for your mother, as well. Those types of stories encourage other Caregivers, which is also part of what this site is all about. For what Caregiver doesn't want to see their loved one getting smiles and hugs from others? Here's wishing you many more great days with your mom.
For those of you who don't have those heartwarming moments with your mothers, please don't feel it's necessarily your fault if you don't. This is a safe place to share your burdens, though there are those who may not understand. Believe me, there are people here who do understand your heartaches at not having a mother as a friend, possessing treasured moments or heartwarming stories to share. The valiant ones who care for abusive parents are to be commended, because they give from hearts that had to look elsewhere to receive. Not every child can rise up and call their mother blessed, and not every mother's own works praise her in the gates. Dear struggling, Caregiver of a not-so-virtuous mother, please know you're not alone, and those conflicting emotions are equally valid.
For my own self, I cling to the words of my Savior: When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. He has commanded we honour our mother, but that does not mean worship. We can honour the position, but praise needs to be earned. A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. We honour her by making sure she is fed, clothed, health needs addressed, and she is safe from harm. It is written: Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these...ye have done it unto me. And God looks on the heart. You who care for those who did not adequately care for you deserve a special reward. Here's wishing you have a great day, in spite of all your trials. Take care, and God bless you.
The nature of the anonymous community lends itself to those who need a safe place to complain/vent about a problem.
I am lucky, my mom and I were friends long before she got old. Now that she is having a rough time, while its not easy I am not wrestling with any ancient conflicts - so I don't share how happy I am that my mom got smiles and a hug from a little kid in an elevator at her doctors office today. Nobody every writes back to say "thats great you had a great day"!
Because there are plenty of mothers who do a great job. Most mothers do the best they can with what they have. My mother said the other night over dinner that her biggest concern was always to do everything right.
One doesn't always know what that is, no matter what your gender or what your job. The pressures on mothers is great. The hostility toward them often greater. The minute a child is born the individuality and personal concerns of the mother is often overshadowed by the new born. Many mothers feel immediately invisible and wonder how they lost their lives in the process. But the guilt and pressure is way too strong to ever admit to this. It's only been very recently that we have paid attention to the various issues women face as mothers, especially since they have entered the work force and are often the primary household breadwinner as well.
The generations of mothers who are now elderly have been through A LOT! They've had a lot of discrimination, media and social pressure, and a widespread amount of abuse. Domestic and otherwise. They also have an inordinate alcohol problem in comparison to other generations.
So why should we celebrate them? I'm sure much has to do with the church and honoring Mary. Previously to that there are tons of cultural objects from ancient cultures that honored maternity and the vitality of the matronly goddess. Written in 1870, Julia Ward Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level. In 1912 Anna Jarvis came up with Mother's Day. She went on to complain vigorously about the commercialization of the tribute calling the day herself a "Hallmark Holiday." However, pretty much every culture in the world has dedicated a day to celebrate their gratitude toward the women that bore them life. Lots of politicians and others love to use the celebrations to push archly conservative and patriarchal ideas about mothering and motherhood. In fact, female Irish slaves of the 16th century were "given" the day to have a "vacation" from their masters and visit their families. There might be a few caregivers on this site who may somehow relate to that....
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such a basic guide to life! beautifully put. thank you.
nobody is perfect, nobody's life is perfect and in that way, we are all perfect. compassion comes directly from remembering the conundrum of perfection and forgetting everything else.
cheers to you, all caregivers and the everyone they care for and the experiences of life and ultimate love that binds us all.
I don't believe in buying into angst and crisis because that is like adding gasoline to a small fire, it takes two people to fight so I have perfected the art of walking away or changing the subject.
All caregivers who provide care deserve equal respect. Doing it with a chip on a shoulder harms the heart and soul, as well as future health. I trained myself to take it the way it is and do not expect others to be sensitive to how I am feeling. Once you lose the expectation, you have alot of time and energy to take people at face value and get to know them. life is too short to not live love and laugh.
So much despair and torment and feeling put upon is based in 'our heads' - putting that aside and experiencing the good moments when the happen make all the difference. Smile and the world eventually smiles with you. We may have dark moments, but gain nothing from tormenting ourselves by rehashing the hurt. Every religion has that message - to remind us when we forget what we intuitively know ourselves. It was a struggle for me to learn this - and occasionally I have to remember it as well when someone wounds me with their words. I understand perfect and hope that we will not be divided on this board between the "those who understand" club and those who also understand - we all get it. Nobody's life is perfect.
Wishing happiness and God Bless everyone - lets accord the same respect and honor to all, because all caregivers share a bond despite their different situations.
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For those of you who don't have those heartwarming moments with your mothers, please don't feel it's necessarily your fault if you don't. This is a safe place to share your burdens, though there are those who may not understand. Believe me, there are people here who do understand your heartaches at not having a mother as a friend, possessing treasured moments or heartwarming stories to share. The valiant ones who care for abusive parents are to be commended, because they give from hearts that had to look elsewhere to receive. Not every child can rise up and call their mother blessed, and not every mother's own works praise her in the gates. Dear struggling, Caregiver of a not-so-virtuous mother, please know you're not alone, and those conflicting emotions are equally valid.
For my own self, I cling to the words of my Savior: When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. He has commanded we honour our mother, but that does not mean worship. We can honour the position, but praise needs to be earned. A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. We honour her by making sure she is fed, clothed, health needs addressed, and she is safe from harm. It is written: Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these...ye have done it unto me. And God looks on the heart. You who care for those who did not adequately care for you deserve a special reward. Here's wishing you have a great day, in spite of all your trials. Take care, and God bless you.
I am lucky, my mom and I were friends long before she got old. Now that she is having a rough time, while its not easy I am not wrestling with any ancient conflicts - so I don't share how happy I am that my mom got smiles and a hug from a little kid in an elevator at her doctors office today. Nobody every writes back to say "thats great you had a great day"!
Most mothers do the best they can with what they have.
My mother said the other night over dinner that her biggest concern was always to do everything right.
One doesn't always know what that is, no matter what your gender or what your job. The pressures on mothers is great. The hostility toward them often greater. The minute a child is born the individuality and personal concerns of the mother is often overshadowed by the new born. Many mothers feel immediately invisible and wonder how they lost their lives in the process. But the guilt and pressure is way too strong to ever admit to this. It's only been very recently that we have paid attention to the various issues women face as mothers, especially since they have entered the work force and are often the primary household breadwinner as well.
The generations of mothers who are now elderly have been through A LOT! They've had a lot of discrimination, media and social pressure, and a widespread amount of abuse. Domestic and otherwise. They also have an inordinate alcohol problem in comparison to other generations.
So why should we celebrate them?
I'm sure much has to do with the church and honoring Mary. Previously to that there are tons of cultural objects from ancient cultures that honored maternity and the vitality of the matronly goddess.
Written in 1870, Julia Ward Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belief that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level.
In 1912 Anna Jarvis came up with Mother's Day. She went on to complain vigorously about the commercialization of the tribute calling the day herself a "Hallmark Holiday."
However, pretty much every culture in the world has dedicated a day to celebrate their gratitude toward the women that bore them life.
Lots of politicians and others love to use the celebrations to push archly conservative and patriarchal ideas about mothering and motherhood. In fact, female Irish slaves of the 16th century were "given" the day to have a "vacation" from their masters and visit their families.
There might be a few caregivers on this site who may somehow relate to that....