I think taking showers is getting too hard for my Mom. The assisted living facility she lives at will help her (I have offered as well) but she keeps fighting me, and them, on it. Yet, she is spacing them out to the point that she only takes once or twice a week. I'm concerned - especially since she has frequent UTI's. Has anyone got advice on what I can do about this?
17 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
Mom was enraged that I would dare to tell her that she stank but if I was going to get through this we had to address this issue and fast.
I gave her a spritz with Febreeze to be able to get near her and I only had to do that once.
We have worked through our issues and now she gets a shower every other day unless something happens to break that pattern (accident, real hot out).
Every morning she gets a sink wash and clean clothes for the day and she is much happier now because I tell her that a 'sweet smelling mama is always welcome everywhere'.
I know that it is considered 'rude' to tell someone when they smell bad but in my book it is way more rude to have to put up with stench and breath and yuk. The bathing issue was not open for discussion, period. It was tough love all the way but I refused to live with a stinky mama.
Mom 'acted out' when I first started bathing her, acting like I was killing her, and that went on for a few months but I kept the humor going, talking about the different parts as I was scrubbing them. there's the face, the chicken titties, the 'area', the drumsticks, etc.
Here's something that can really work: get one of those handheld shower massage heads. When mom realized that her sore spots got some first class attention, (she has scoliosis) and that she had some pain relief she was really into it.
I also put beautiful grab bars and a nice shower chair in the tub so she feels secure. The fear of falling can keep someone out of the tub for good reason and then you do the cat's bath in the sink.
oh..and my mom used to get uti's all the time but since I've been scrubbing her, not once! With the dementia sometimes they wipe the wrong way and really cause themselves problems. Her 'area' is clean and shiny!! This is also a way to stay on top of things like bedsores, etc. Old people get infections on their skin because nobody ever saw the bedsore get started in the first place because mom or dad won't let anyone touch them.
this is so totally wierd, but what are we supposed to do?
Good luck. Aside from dropping her off at a do it yourself car wash with a roll of quarters.....
Be good to yourself,
Bobbie
When mom first came to Florida we had a new tub place in our bathroom that was safe, however she was dead weight for me and she was covered in pee from her hair to feet. I try the bath but I then got a seat for the bathroom and used that in the shower stall. That is easier for them a shower.patrica61
I make sure she has a nice sturdy chair near the sink, a warm bathroom in which to wash up, a nice fluffy wash cloth and towel. I make sure the soap she's using is pleasing in smell to her (or no smell, depending on her preference). I make sure the water is warm. I de-clutter the counter top and make sure she has room for all that she needs. Make sure her favorite lotion is nearby.
Then I might suggest you say something like, "Mom, I got some of your favorite lotion for you today. It's been so cold (or dry) lately that I thought we might both like a hand massage today/tonight. Maybe after you wash up today/tonight we could put on some of that lotion, what do you think? Where should we put this bottle of lotion, Mom?" (Take her into the bathroom so she can show you where to put it. Once in there, say, "Mom, I got out a nice washcloth for you. This would be a good time to go ahead and wash up. Can you go ahead and get started with this or would you like me to help you?"
If she fights it, resist the urge to fight back. Just say, "Ok Mom, we'll do this whenever you're ready." Then go find something else to do with her, or take her to the kitchenette for something to drink, etc. After a couple of tries, she'll be ok with it. Just try hard not to make it a fight.
Sometimes I have to remember that generations older than me didn't always shower every day. That might be what she's remembering.
I know you're worried about the tendency for UTIs. Ask your mother's physician if an increase in liquids would help? Would a cranberry supplement help? Are there other options? It's great that you care so much about her!