The last three places my mother has lived she says people come in and take her things. How can I get her to realize she is actually forgetting where she places her things?

This is very common with dementia. The person forgets where she has put something and it's natural to think someone must have taken it. Because this is so common, I wouldn't think AL would ask her to leave, unless they don't commonly deal with dementia patients. You may have to look for one with a dementia wing.

Frustrating as this is, it's very, very common. Try to distract her when she does this. The staff should know that routine, as well.
Hang it. We know it's hard. Finding a place with a specialized wing may be your only answer.
Carol

Here's the "thing" with dementia: you CAN'T get her to realize she is forgetting where she placed things. That part of the brain that can focus on "reality" simply isn't working any more (and won't be working in the future). You see, with dementia, the brain has developed plaques such that blood can no longer reach affected areas of the brain. And without blood flow, that area effective starves and stops working. Likewise, the tangles that occur among the nerves keeps the nerves from "firing" properly and signals get all mixed up. "Reasoning" and "rationality" just don't work.

It's a good practice to have several of the items that keep "getting lost or stolen". So, for instance, if she cannot find her purse and is accusing the staff, here's what you can do:
With the staff, get 3 or 4 more purses, put a used wallet in each and maybe a tube of lipstick and a tissue or whatever she normally carries. Put these purses in various locations in her suite, and maybe keep one in a closet in the facility's living room or dining room. Whenever she's complaining/accusing, say to her, "Oh goodness, Mom, we can't lose your purse. Let's see if we can find it." Take her hand and go to a place where you know you've placed one. Let her open the cabinet or look under the bed...Voila! It will be there and you can say, "Mom, you found it! You knew just where it would be!" She'll feel better, you'll feel better, the staff will be relieved that you're there to help make the situation okay. Do this with whatever seems to keep getting "taken" or misplaced.

In this way, you'll "save face" for your Mom, you'll also likely teach a new technique to the living center, and you'll have a good day interacting with your mom.

We really can't "rationalize" with people who are suffering with dementia. The disease robs them of that ability to rationalize. It will only frustrate us to keep trying to interject reasoning and rationale. Might as well have a little fun, instead!

This phase will pass, and in due time, she won't be concerned with people stealing things. Nor will she be accusatory. But for now, it's difficult. It's wonderful that you're so involved with your mother. You know she is proud of you!

My Mother in law lost her teeth once and the nurse found them in her roommates mouth.:)

Most of the "old school" Independent Living Facilities Or "Rest Homes" as they used to be called, were intended to provide affordable housing for "independent seniors" Generally these folks passed away before the onset of dementia or they suffered a physical health event that required them to move on to "nursing homes" Many of these facilities have not been able to adjust to the new reality of able-bodied seniors who would be independent except for the manifestation of dementia in its early stages. This has left these facilities between a rock and hard place: They cannot afford to create "dementia wings" within their facility and they cannot recover the lost income that would result if they turn away "apparently independent" seniors who can afford to live there. The end result is thousands of so-called "independent living facilities" ware-housing these seniors with totally inadequate care. It has become a "let-the-buyer-beware" business venture without regulation or oversight. Since the affects of dementia and Alzheimer's disease are just beginning to be understood by our youth-oriented culture, it is very easy for families and even these Institutions to be in denial about the dangers of having "not-so-independent-but able-bodied" seniors living alone without adequate supervision. I fully agree with Carol. "Finding a place with a specialized wing may be your only answer." Of course that does not address the economic issues associated with that choice. Perhaps a compromise solution would be to hire Home Care providers trained in dementia care that would provide that extra supervision where your mother lives now?

Try wrapping the old-fashioned white medical tape around items that lend themselves to banding, print her name & room# on those bands. Mark other items with permanent marker (use a high contrast color: silver, red, black, etc). Place an open box in her room, marked clearly with her name, and ask/hope that staff who come across misplaced items will drop them into the box. Alert all staff who work with your mother that you have banded & labeled a variety of your mother's everyday items and that there is a 'found' box in her room for items they find. Keep clutter to a minimum in her living space. Using solid colors on bedding/furniture may also help a little in spotting misplaced items.

Locating devices: Is your loved one with cognitive problems constantly losing his wallet or keys? Save yourselves time by buying an inexpensive locating device. First, you attach small plastic tags to the objects that tend to disappear. Then, as long as you’re in range, pressing a button on the main unit will make the tag on the missing item beep.

My dad lives on an Alzheimer unit. The staff there tell family's to mark everything that can be lost with his room number. As they go through the different rooms they notice things that don't belong there and return them to the rightful owner. This would help if she lost items outside her room (left something somewhere) or if someone in their confusion took something they thought was theirs. My dad actually took his neighbour's small TV in his confusion. It was returned as soon as the staff noticed it and thankfully the neighbour wasn't upset.

I took care of my mom for five years full-time, then had to go to the nursing home three months ago. When I was living with her, she kind of expected me to keep track of things, make sure she didn't lose things and keep things picked up. Now she blames me when she loses things. I do think I will take up your suggestion to get rid of the clutter in her nursing home room and try to find specific spots for things and label drawers, and make sure labels on are on all things. One of the big problems in her room is no overhead light, it is always so dark in there and not enough light. I have a daylight lamp next to her bed so she can read, but that does not cover the whole room. Both mom and I have trouble seeing, so sometimes it is like the blind leading the blind trying to find things. When she loses things, I usually have to call the workers to come in and help. Anway, now I have to tell mom I can't be there 100% of the time to keep track of her things and I tell her to try and put things back in the same place every time.

Oh my gosh if I have to hear my mother-in-law tell me that the people at her asst. living place are stealing her blind..... She has dementia (doesn't realize it yet) and even though it's pretty mild now, she still hides stuff from the 'thieves'. I have found everything she has ever said is missing, which means 'stolen', but she still continues to hide things. She even took off the old clock she's had for twenty years that we put on her wall, cause she's sure someone is going to want that plastic clock. I explained to the place where she's living what is happening, but they are accustomed to that kind of thing happening and told me not to worry. As long as I can still find the things missing, we are not going to sweat about this anymore. When pressed, she does admit that she's hidden them, (on a good day that is when the memory is working).