How can I physically remove my mother from her home and move her into an Assisted Living Facility?

Hi Bree,
It sounds like a complicated situation, and it's hard to give much advice without the answers to a few questions.

You mention that your Mom is in denial regarding the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, which is not unusual. Was the diagnosis explained to her by a trusted physician with whom she's had a relationship for awhile? If not, I'd suggest you try that.

Others have brought up the issue of Power of Attorney. Do you have this (and the other critical legal documents in place)? If not, you need to determine immediately whether she is still able to sign such a document (or if her dementia has already rendered her unable to do so). An attorney in your state is the best person to address this. As others have said, if you DO have a valid POA, you are in a position that you can take action. In the event that it's too late to get a POA, the attorney will be able to advise you regarding seeking conservatorship or guardianship.

Are you sure that assisted living is the right placement for Mom? The answer to this is determined both by her condition and prognosis, as well as by the financial resources available to her. One of the things you have to think about is whether there will be enough money to take care of her until the end of her journey. The decision you make in the short run regarding where is best for her to live should be based on thinking through a budget. If a placement is indeed the right move at this time, you may need to look into a facility with a memory unit, especially if your Mom is at risk of wandering outside of the facility and getting lost or injured.

If all of the above has been thought about, is the key issue that Mom just says she doesn't want to move? If so, there are a number of options to try. Perhaps a short stay at the facility you have chosen is possible. Many allow for "respite stays" which would allow your Mom to "visit" for a few days. In my practice, I've experienced situations where Mom then doesn't want to go home because she's already acclimated to her new environment. As an alternative, perhaps getting an objective third party involved will help. This person can talk with your Mom and try to get an understanding of what is underlying her unwillingness to consider moving. I've often seen that the denial is really about fear and sadness, and if those feelings can be aired and validated that the elder will eventually come up with the idea of moving on her own.

Good luck, and know that you're not alone!

-- Sheri

There is a relatively new field called Geriatric Care Manager.
I believe those people might be more familiar witgh services and
legal issues than the 'rest of us'. Here is the national website which might help you locate such a specialist in your area:
http://www.caremanager.org/

Also, look into establishing your mother with a geriatric specialist doctor near you--if your mother's current doctor isn't comfortable working with you offering guidance.

If you mother is saying 'NO' to relocation, there won't be much you can do without a POA and her doctor's backing you up, until she becomes a danger to herself or the public.

Be advised that not all assisted living facilities can or will take Alzheimer's residents. Keep regular watch on her if she does move into any type of residential care. She'll receive better care with you being involved.

Dear Bree,

If you have Power of Attorney for your Mother, it may be easier for you to help her.

Since Civil Rights come into play, if your Mother does not want to go into assisted living, you really can't make her go. Now, if she is endangering herself, call Social Services (Adult Protective Services) and ask if they will do a check on your Mother and her home.

Also, if you have Power of Attorney and can speak to your Mother's Doctor, maybe he would be willing to write a letter stating that your Mother can no longer take care of herself, her medical or financial needs.

Hope this helps.

Bree-
There is an organization called the National Association of Senior Move Managers. ( Look for it on Google.) This organization consists of people who are professionals who help seniors move from one living situation to another. The NASSM can provide you with names of people in your area who could either help you, or could put you in touch with someone who could help you implement this move. If you cannot afford one type of "helper", perhaps you could find another who is more affordable, or is free of charge. You could also contact your local hospital(s) to find out if there are volunteer "senior helpers" in your area who could help you out. You could call local senior communities to ask about the same thing. I am an only child too, and I could not care for my parents without help from others. Good Luck.

Bless you - if your mom is a Madea then you are going to need some help. Since Madea is "all about me" you will have your work cut out for you. Is there anyone she listens to?

Bree my prayers are with you.

This is a very tough issue. I am afraid I will be facing the same thing soon.

Sounds like once again there was no durable Power of Attorney in place before problems arose with mental and physical health. I was one who did not foresee the need for a POA, which made the process of ensuring finance and health matters for my mother very difficult. You may have to seek conservatorship to ensure you mother's health and safety if she refuses to go voluntarily. Call the local Bar and see if you can get a cheap consult to point you in the right direction. Adult Protective Services may be a source of information also. Once you have conservatorship, the actual move sounds like it will be difficult still. Good luck.

Hi-

To the good answers you have, I just want to add my 5 cents worh.

As an alternative to AL, how about if she participates at a senior center nearby...This would keep her involved, as well as watched by the staff-some centers even specialize in handeling dementia clients. Another alternative, would be have someone stay with your Mom-probably a costly idea however.

As for removing her from her home and into AL-I do not think you can do this-unless there is some legal stipuation set up that gives you this authority. Such as POA -already mentioned.

Good luck on your journey =)

Hap

Some how you need to have her assesed and are you sure an assisted living arrangement would be for her-check to see if there is an office for the ageing in your town you may have to call your town government office to see who could assist you if she is not safe on her own and you are aware of it someone might report you to APS, you really need to get help with this-hardly any elder wants to leave their home but sometimes it is what is needed and if she can not make the decision to go where she will get help you may need to do this-I am sure you will get much help here on this site and good luck.