What can you do when you have problems with your parent’s primary doctor?

linda09, that's a hoot! I wish I had the nerve to do that when I go to the Dr.
Thanks for the smile!

I had this problem too, most of the time, a 30 minute doctor's appt. for my dad took 4 HOURS!!! 30 minutes to see the doctor and 3 1/2 hours of waiting around... the doctor didn't care and my dad didn't mind either. In fact, he enjoyed it!
What I did, and I hope this helps -
First, I talked with my dad. It was "Look dad, I love ya, but these doctor visits are insanely long. We need to figure something out that's a bit more reasonable". I don't know how mentally healthy your mom is, but my dad can be a bit nutty like the rest of us at times. On this point, it wasn't the doctor he loved, it was the whole "I'm going on a visit, out of the house" thing. He didn't really love the doc, he loved the visit.
So, secondly, I asked him if he was up to changing doctors, he said yes. This is a feat - my dad won't see women doctors, only men (some sort of comfort or control thing there) and he lives in a rural area where doctors of any kind are hard to come by. But we did it. It worked.
His appts. to his new doctor, visit and trip time included, runs 1 hour. On time, as doctor visits go.
I guess I could have spent time dealing with the issue with his first doctor's office as my dad liked going there, but I didn't go that route. I had already spoken with the office staff a few times in the past about the issue and they didn't care to work with me. So, I chose the "change the doctor" battle instead.

I am sorry but I would just tell Mom I am not taking her back to that doc because you do not have all day for one appointment and if she wants you to take her she has to get a new doc.

my mom is good at whining too...maybe I'll get her to do that as well...LMAO

yes sometimes i can hear him and he s sleeping ! i thought oh pa s awake and i go ck on him uhh he s sleeping ! ive been brainwash . haha
krnflakgrl , sorry for your loss . my pa is 86 yrs old with dementia .
i lost my mom in 20 yrs ago due to cancer , very sad times there . she kept sayin shes ready to meet her master (lord) . well after sufferin for few mos and he took her . it was fast spreading cancer . i know shes alot happier now , no more suffering ...

Your pa sounds like my dad!!! I took care of him too through lung cancer and he whined and whined till the very end...if it was 5 minutes past his time, he'd be sharing stories about waiting with everyone in the waiting room and saying " This is G*d D*mn ridiculous!!!" Over and over....I think I inherited my spirit from him...so every time I get upset, I can hear him in my head and it makes me laugh.

Your pa sounds like my dad!!! I took care of him too through lung cancer and he whined and whined till the very end...if it was 5 minutes past his time, he'd be sharing stories about waiting with everyone in the waiting room and saying " This is G*d D*mn ridiculous!!!" Over and over....I think I inherited my spirit from him...so every time I get upset, I can hear him in my head and it makes me laugh.

they get my pa in right away cuz he cant sit and wait for his name to be called in . he owuld hollar and hollar and everybodys lookin at him and im sayin shh pa . he said well my appt is at 10 and what time is it wa waaaa , he just keeps on a hollarin waaa waaa then they call his name and he smiles and goes in and sits and wait for the dr and if its takin too long theyre gonna hear him waaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaa . he gets em going cuz he knows we cant stand to hear that high pitch waaaaaaaaaaa. lol . pa knows how the system works . just hollar he said . that'll get thier attention he said .

Yep it's amazing how similiar problems there are out there...and no one is trying to make things better! The medical community is not proactive but reactive...shame we should be so much farther ahead by now being in the 21 century! Oh but we gotta have those danged 3D tv's next...go figure!

LOL!!! You guys have all been a huge help...!! Her appt. was at 940am this morning..we got in at noon!! Although, I DID have a talk with her doc today about my caregiving stress...and, she agreed, we needed to do something. My mom is as stubborn and as critical as they come..and today even the doc got fed up with her! It ended up being an okay day...but..the appt problem is getting to be ridiculous. I'm going to see if my brother can start taking her occasionally- which he will have to do if I take the possible full time job I might have...

Either way..thanks again for all your great responses. It's so nice to come on here and see that others are going through the same thing. It's like a huge hug!!! Thanks you guys!!!

Yep, got the same thing here...mom has has the same old fricken doctor for a long time and we have to wait a long time to see him and then when he comes in it's about 5 minutes of crap not amounting to a hill of beans either. He's an old fart too and his last nurse that got him to sign a bunch of paper for Family Leave for me last year to take care of mom said she could not tolerate him much more and I noticed that last time I was there she was gone. He's an old fart and she even said he should be gone and retired because his quality of care is crap. Last time I was there he went on and on about how he likes metamucil better than citricil...okay my mom's the patient not you..and he never engages with her..and has run on blathering just to hear himself talk the pompous old fool. So I think my mom is realizing he is good for s**t now as well. So doctor's are hard to find...the one I started up with recently is crap as well, lost test results and absolutely no follow up with you at all. Gonna ditch that one when I get over the hump of mommy dearest crapola...literally!

Hi krnflgrl, Glad to help....One other thing I ran into when Mom was alive.... She could be very stubborn, and it was exceedingly difficult to talk her into doing things. I discovered that, in certain cases ( where I thought it was necessary for my parents' health or safety), I had to firmly and lovingly tell my parents that such-and-such was what they needed to do, and then make the arrangements for whatever it was. Sometimes I had to endure being the "heavy" or the "mean daughter" in order to take good care of them. Funny thing is......When Mom was just about to die (she was in the hospice period ) she then realized how my intentions had been for her best all along, and she actually (in front of me) praised me to her brother for having gotten her and Dad to move into assisted living. She proudly and smilingly said of me: "She FORCED us ( to move)!" That was her way of thanking me, and also letting her younger brother know that some day soon his kids might be trying to convince him of the same thing. Hearing Mom say this of me days before she died really made me feel good. It was like--- when she was facing death that close, she was able to see everything in its proper perspective, and she even got to thank me. It meant a lot to me and confirmed that I had had their best interests in mind all along. Mom was a class act. So my main message is....Do what, in your heart, you think is right for your parents. Whenever possible, try to bring them into the decision so that they can "own" it or be part of it. But when they continue to resist and you still feel something is the right thing to do, be strong and follow your conscience and do not take to heart negative/critical comments from them.

Thanks for the tips guys!! I get so wrapped up in the stress of caregiving..sometimes I ask myself if I'M the one being unreasonable. Sounds like in this case-I definitely am not!! They call us and have us come down because we don't live that far..otherwise, we'd be sitting in the office waiting for three hours! Oddly enough..all her patients just "accept" this ridiculousness as fact, and they ALL put up with it..even the young ones!!! I'm trying to talk mom into a new doctor..as you said..just to go meet one and see how it goes.. I think the most frustrating thing is that everyone seems to be okay with inconveniencing me....either way..I'll let you know how it goes!! Thanks again everyone!!!

krnflakgrl,
what do you mean youre waiting by the phone?? id march down there and tell them, i have a 9:15(whichever) appt and im here for it.. i wouldnt even give them time to call me, i wouldnt answer, just go down there...its too odd and i have NEVER heard of such a thing!! id be aggressive about it. id sit in that doctors office and remind them "its been an hour past my appt time" etc.

who knows =) maybe after a while theyll get so irritated with you reminding them of the time etc and "whats the hold up!!" that the doctor will see you just to get you to be quiet! hahaha

but honestly, with the new information you posted, have you talked to your mother about TRYING a new doctor? just ask if you can make an appt with someone else just to see how she likes them..

Krnflakgrl, Yes I've had trouble in that arena also. I tell you this to make you feel better: My parents' primary care doc was a man who was 87 years old. ( yes you read that age right). My mother REFUSED to get a new doctor, which made life so difficult for me. She liked this doctor because he was so old that he let her get away with stuff, like her drinking, etc. He wasn't too controlling for her and she liked that. I tried to convince her to please get a new, younger doctor, but she wouldn't. When Mom passed away, my father did end up with a new doctor ( He at least agreed to this, although the change was difficult for him too.)

Now for your case: It sounds like maybe you would be better served getting a new doctor. It sounds like your mother's doctor isn't going to "change her spots" and she will be "running late" with regularity. If I were you, I"d start looking for a new doctor. And while changing docs, I'd try to find one who specializes in geriatric medicine. This would make your life easier. Good Luck!

That's just the thing..I do make the first appt of the day..and it is three months in advance..then..on the day...they call ten minutes after the office opens to tell me they are running late..then we wait..and wait..and wait...by the phone..they end up calling us five hours later to tell us we can come down...THEN we wait in the office for another hour...it's completely ridiculous. Am I being unreasonable..?? does anyone else find this odd????

Krnflakgrl..

try making advance appts( a regular schedule even for 2 months ahead if it has to be). Ask for the first appt of the day. The first few appts will, of course, probably be booked but as you go along youll get that first spot and it will get better and better.