My mom is in a nursing home and she is getting verbally abusive. How do I cope?

Hi there,

Just one question - If your child were behaving this way, would your reaction be the same?
If you need to, read up on the illness and be more prepared to handle it. Life is a complete circle - it can happen to all of us and what we all have to remember is that, if the tables were changed and it was us with the disease and it was our parents looking after us - would they treat this situation the same way? Something to ponder on.
You have to prepare yourself to handle the situation as best as we can and in such a situation, we have to have loads of patience and understanding, which is not easy, and it takes a really great effort on one's part, because we love our parents.

If you ever get a chance to read something and if it is Alzheimers that your mom has, Sue Miller's book The Story of My Father is so great at tracing the course of the disease and her reactions and responses to it.
Carol

I am not a big proponent of drugs. From my experience I can say that the vast number of elderly folks are over medicated even upon admission. I do agree with CSPaulsen above though and suggest you look into how she is being treated. Often times when an elderly person is being mistreated in some way they become abusive. However, more often than not it is because of the dementia in general and/or Alzheimer's disease in particular. Now, not being a big proponent of drugs I can say that there are drugs out there that help to control this behaviour. I suggest you talk to your mother's doctor to see what can be done.

My concern is that if she was never verbally abusive before, is it truly an alzheimer concern or is someone in the home treating her that way?
I'd get a granny cam and make sure this isn't happening and that she isn't mirroring what she receives in the home.
I was lucky in that my mom went the other way........she was a yankee and let's just say that she spoke her mind......I put her in a home in the south where everyone was so sweet and polite.......she picked up good habits there. Whatever the cause, I hope you can find a solution.

Hi, assuming that she has Alzheimer's, unfortunately that is one of the possible affects of the disease. Because Alzheimer's attacks the brain, we can't predict what part of the brain is going to be affected. There is a place in the brain called the Amygdala, and houses our "impulse control" and "emotional memory" and if that is affected your love one may curse, fly into a rage and just as quickly tearfully fall apart. She doesn't mean what she is saying, its just the disease talking.
There is nothing you can do for it. Just try not to take it personal, and don't assume that the caregivers of the nursing home understand it either, so make sure they know its the disease, lest it affect the way they treat your mom.