My mother won't get out of bed, except to go to the bathroom. I know she is capable, but she has convinced herself that she can't. What can I do about this?

Pj, I'm thinking that unless your mom has a mental problem (depression) then she needs an attitude adjustment. Enough already of the queen like attitude, with you as her servant. I agree, putting her somewhere while you're away for awhile is a good thing. Let her have a taste of how good she has it at home. We all tend to take things for granted when they're handed to us and we never go without. Time for a reality check.

Hi there,
Perhaps you have to speak to her as you would to a child and perhaps you might just get a response that you can respond to.
God bless
Annie
Singapore

All the above are great but she may just be looking for more attention my husband stoped doing things for himself unlee he was angry with me and then he could do most everything and in the nursing they let him get away with it and at home he wanted my attention all the time so he slowly gave up doing things-he knew what he was doing and the time came where I had to decide if I wanted to spend all the time being his servant-I had a host of medicial problems myself-and I decided I would not last long under those conditions so placement was planned and since you have looked into things I would ask her if she wants to go to live in a nursing home so all her needs will be met-you can wait to see how she is after your trip if you are able to wait on her until them-it may be she likes the attention and I agree with the person who said to tell her when meals are being served and let herself get there once they give up activities they become so weak they really are not able to do things for themselves/

She is very young. She may be plain and simply DEPRESSED. There are wonderful new medications that help with depression. I wouldn't see a Dr. for that. Best to go to a psychiatrist that specializes in older people, Alz, etc.
Someone who foregoes the therapy and tests for the deficiencies. They are out there. Perhaps there is a Psychiatrist referral on line? I understand depression very well.....irritability and 'not wanting to get out of bed' are key signs. Please consider this option for your mother. Good luck.

I have to go to Colorado at the end of the month so maybe I can let her Dr "request" that she get rehab therapy while I am gone. Thanks to everyone for your support and concern. It is great to have people who make me look past guilt long enough to do something that helps her.

Well, sometimes a short term stay can make a world of difference. I deal with certain issues with my mother and when I had to go away for a couple weeks I had to put her in a nursing home for respite. I think I was gone 12 days and when I got back and picked her up, I was golden in her eyes. It did not last but every now and then I will have to remind her that if she does not want to allow me to take care of her in the way she needs and/or rearrange the house the way I need to in order to keep her safe then I will have have no choice but to put her in a nursing home for her safety. She will generally change her tune then and she will be okay for a while until the next time.

Rehab sounds like a good idea. It also sounds like it is time to set up boundaries in your own home. She is too young to be acting like this! "Mom, we will not be answering when you yell. Please walk down the hall and talk to us. Do not call."

"Mom, dinner is at 6:00 p.m. in the dining room. No meals in the bedrooms or anywhere else."

Good luck.

She isn't so much verbally abuse as she is just very demanding of me and yells when she wants something. She will even call the house phone from her cell phone to keep from getting up. I have thought about having her placed short term to get rt/ot to maybe mobilize her again? I plan to meet with her Drs and see what they feel will benefit her best. I don't think it is placement, maybe just rehab.

Well, as much as you may hate the thought of this it may be that the best thing for her is a nursing home. It is very, very difficult to care for a parent who is verbally abusive to you. I know this because I go through it often enough, but my mother still gets up everyday and does most things for herself as far as her personal care is concerned. In a nursing home, she will not be allowed to just stay in the bed. They (staff) will go in, get her up, get her dressed and bring her out to the dining room for meals. The often will allow residents to have breakfast in their rooms, but lunch and dinner have to be in the dining room. If you want her to be in the dining room for breakfast as well they can make this happen. Nursing home staff has to do what the resident's responsible party desires and whatever the doctor orders. Doctors in these situations generally will do what ever the family wants. Perhaps even a short stay in a nursing home will cause her to have an attitude adjustment. You can put her in one for a short respite stay for anywhere from a weekend to two to three weeks.

sounds like she has giving up . shes awful young too . my dad sleeps alot . he loves to go bye bye and never turn it down but here lately he says no he dont want to g o anywhere .
i think tmr im going to drag him out . bribe him about wendys !

She is only 66. She has a mulititude of problems. I just recently moved her in with me. She will do for herself IF I am out for the day. But won't budge to do anything but yell at me the rest of the time. I beg her to get up and come into the den with us and eat dinner at the table with us but she says she can't. I try to get her to go ride with me and she says she's not able. I encourage her to be more mobile for the sake of her lungs, muscles, and digestion all but she always tells me she can't. I have had her in with many specialists, trips to the ER, I am at a loss. I want so bad for her to have more out of life than lying in bed.

Another thing to watch out for is dehydration. Elderly folks become dehydrated very easily. This can cause them to act listless, etc. The best way to determine this is to note how much she is drinking. Water is very, very important. Sodas and other sweet drinks have a tendency to exacerbate dehydration rather than help it. Crystal Light is good. I agree with all of the above posts and I would say that a doctor's visit is in order. Another thing you might consider ~if she will agree~ are trips to adult day care. I would start off slow, maybe one day a week and gradually build up to where she is going at least three days a week. This will help her and it will help you. Often they will balk at the idea of going but once they start they love it.

I just went through this with my mom after she had a minor fall to the floor. She wasn't hurt at all. But she had just come out of the hospital for pneumonia. So it was imperative that we get her up and moving. Medicaire will send a Physical Therapist out that will get her confidence back again.
Mom (97)is mobile again. Another important thing to consider is a bladder infection. It changes their personalities and abilities radically and quickly. Make sure her dr gets a urine sample even if she won't go herself....bring the pee to him. This was also the culprit in my mother's immobility. She wouldn't even get up to go to the bathroom so we had to use porta potties and a lot of strength of two people to get her on it. Hope this helps.

Has she fallen, or experienced something that frightened her or caused her undue anxiety lately? If so, she may be in avoidance mode thinking that by staying in bed she is avoiding a recurrence? Did this behavior start recently, or has it been happening for awhile now, and how old is she? Any underlying medical issues she may have, or a newly diagnosed medical condition? If there is nothing else going on, she may be depressed and that's her way of disconnecting from everything. Let her doctor know as there are prescriptive treatments that may help restore her emotional and physical energy levels. I take my Mom on daily drives and ask her early in the day whether she wishes to go for a drive out with me. Unless she has an achy day, she is usually enthused at the thought of enjoying a daytime drive together. Not sure whether that may be an option for you, or not, but if it is, could be a start. She wouldn't have to do much to go for a drive and the sunshine will be good for her whether she realizes it, or not. I always stop to get us bottled water or a cool soft drink when we're out and about as a refresher for both of us. Sometimes we visit outdoor garden stores, though not for long to avoid allergy symptoms for either of us. It's all just a change of pace for both of us and is usually lively conversation time. If you help her to do one thing, it will keep her from being sedentary for most of her day. Being so sedentary is not good for her lungs, either. Good luck!

Some times having some home care come in and work with your mom can make a big difference. She gains some social activity which will help her to have something to look forward to.

You may try to bring in physical thearpy, or someone to visit on a
regular basis. I have found that my mother would put froth much
more effort for new people, and new ideas.

She may be depressed or does not have something that keeps her engaged. Does she live with you.
Have you tried redirecting her pattern of sleeping all day? For example find something that she likes to do but ask for her "help." She needs to feel useful again. Take her on drives (my mom feels so much better after she has been out.). Have her choose one thing a week that she would like to do or that you can do together. She just needs to re-engage with the things she used to like doing.
good luck