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abby07 Asked May 2010

My mom hasn't been to the doctor in 43 years and now she is dying. She refuses to get help and won’t let me call the doctor. What can I do for her?

she weighs about 70 pounds now. i told her they will investigate us to no end and arrest us for elderly abuse thinking we let her sit there like this. she is 76 yo. without a physcian to get her hospice we dont know what to do. is there anyway to get hospice for her? please? i know she is in so much pain. my mom has never let anyone help her thru anything. she has been a caretaker her entire life. she is the best mom you could ever ask for. she has been there for everybody and now we cant be there for her cuz she will not go to the doctor so we can get her hospice and some pain medicine. can you recommend what to do if the elderly parent has not been to a doctor and will not go to a doctor. is there any way to get her help. and dont say just take her to doctor. you have to understand she will not go. refuses. i dont even think she will let a doctor look at her at home. we just want a way to get her hospice and pain medicine to make her comfortable because we know she is going anytime

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ibarro May 2010
Call 911. Talk to a caseworker at the hospital that you go. talk to your doctor. you don't have to tell her that you are bringing the doctor home to see her. take control of the situation. your mom can't decide for herself about going to see a doctor or they can think that you are being negligent with her. the best think is to call 911 and you will have your back covered because the paramedics will make her sign a form saying that she has refused to get medical help and this is a legal proof that you did the right thing trying to make her seek medical care.
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vstefans May 2010
Your other option might be to call the elder protection agency yrouself and tell them the situation, that she is a danger to herself because of refusign care. They would see pretty quickly that it wasn't your fault once she started refusign to let them take her anywhere.
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NancyH May 2010
Abby07, I also would tell her that though she thinks she's being brave and handling this herself, she is short changing those who want to help her. As a care giver all her life, she should know how rewarding it is to be able to help someone, and she is denying you that privilege. I'm sorry about your mom.
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Eddie May 2010
ABBY:

I agree with everyone here. Call EMS and do it now! Anyone who takes a look at her will believe she's being abused and neglected. I certainly would. Don't leave the decision of going to a doctor up to her because she won't do it. Good luck, and keep us posted.

-- ED
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IsabelCares May 2010
I am sorry your heart is breaking for your Mom. Perhaps calling for EMS is the only thing you can do to get her to a hospital where she can be under medical supervision if she is in that much pain? Also let her know that once she is under a doctor's care, she can make decisions about the extent of her medical treatment, or not. Th most important thing you shared is that you think she is nearing the end of her life. If that is true, all the more reason, she is in need of 9-11 medical intervention, more so at 70 pounds. She may be dehydrated, which would make her weaker and complicate her health issues more than anything.
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hapfra May 2010
Hi--If there appears no way to have your Mom seek medical help and eventually thru Hospice--Can you call your local agency on aging- explain your situation-and ask where to go from here? If nothing else, you will have it documented that you did try to have help for your Mom-and it was not a case of neglect.
Good Luck!
Hap
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Emerald4Me May 2010
My mom is 75. She also refuses to see doctors. 2 years ago she could barely walk. My sister happened to be at her house that day. She begged my mom to go to the emergency room. Mom firmly said "No!" So my sister took her phone and dialed 9-1 and that was all it took. My mom got in the car and turns out she had a tumor lodged up against her spine. Surgery and a few days in the hospital was all it took (even though she checked herself out early - ugh). So I second what lhardebeck said: call 911!
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linda09 May 2010
call 911 and have them take her to hospital . you could get into a big trouble if they knew u were takin care ofher and watching out for her and finds out she has had no medical care and has no dr .
u just tell your mom that u love her so much and its killin u to watch her in pain and u cant stand it no more .
do it now before she ends up worst shape and ure be in worst shape feeling guilty for not doing the right thing . and more trouble than ever .
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