Can you charge an elderly disabled parent to live in your home?

Oh, Suzie, I am so sorry for your situation! Can your daughter, who now has the increased value of the house, pay you at least some of that money back? It is not like you can sell it!

I suggest that you consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law for advice on what to do now.

Your Medicaid application would be considered again after a penalty period based on how much you "gave away." Would your daughter help you out for that period? Between your SS and her help, if you can self-pay for that penalty period then you could be on Medicaid.

But I think the first step is to see a lawyer -- and not who handles divorces or tax problems or intellectual property. One who specializes in Elder Law.

Thank you for sharing one of the pitfalls of using your money to enhance the value of someone else's home. Maybe it will keep someone else from learning the hard way.

I went to live with my daughter with the money I received from my husband's insurance. I paid for the apartment and everything else. She decided she did not want me there and told me to leave. I went to assisted living. I tried to get Medicaid and was not able to get it because of the money I spent on the apartment. This was after I was assured I would qualify and spent down to nothing. What do I do now? Suzie

My daughter wanted me to come and live with her and family after her dad died. I had some life insurance money and we decided to take the money and covert her downstairs basement into a walk out apartment. I paid for all the work done on the apartment plus the landscaping. After about a year she decided she did not want me there any longer. I moved into an independent living but after a while I knew I needed more help. I applied for Medicaid. The social service assured me that I would qualify for it. So needless to say I had to spend down the rest of my money to do this after than submitted my papers. They told me that I was not eligible for Medicaid because of the insurance money I had used to pay for the building of my apartment. That was regarded as a gift. Now what do I do? I am totally broke and do not know what is out there for me.

Win-Win! My Mom lives with us and the way I have explained the fact to sister and family members is that Mom is paying us to live here but.... She is saving about $1000 a month from what she would have to spend in assisted living, and we are increasing our retirement budget by "working" for Mom. She wins and it's good for us too. Some days when I have dealt with the frustrations of smiling through dementia crabbiness or repeating myself 4 times, I remind myself that this is my job and I AM getting some compensation. ...it helps somehow. If we require respite care, we pay for it out of Mom's monthly contribution. She is aware of what she would be paying in a nursing home and what she was paying in independent living and we call our arrangement "Win-Win" I have told everyone in the family they can step in at any time and take my place but no one has offered . It's surprising how a little extra income can make you feel better about dealing with some of the challenges of elder care AND how much better my Mom is being taken care of surrounded by people that love her.....win-win!

Also if you google on the internet "family caregiver contracts" you will find a growing trend for this type of legal contract that especially protects the elderly family member but also the caregiver. Sometimes, families can deplete their own resources helping an elderly family member etc.

I am dealing with a similar issue with my elderly uncle. Best to get legal advice from a good elder law attorney who can advise the elderly person, caregiver, and POA's the appropriate legal way to spend down the elderly assets, so should they need to qualify for Medicaid, there won't be hiccups. Laws are changing soon. Elder abuse is on the rise-so the laws are changing. So check into while your mom can still make some decisions for herself. But, also realize that the "bottom line" it is her choice.

You can get a contract for caregiving duties and also as landlord or roommates. However, you would also need to claim this income on your taxes. So a good CPA or Tax Preparer is in order.

Like I said best to get a good elder law attorney who is an expert or at least knowledgeable about Medicaid rules.

Believe or not, you have to pay taxes on the money you are paid. So charge more to cover the taxes. Your sibling doesn't realize how much or how hard it is to care for a parent. It does sound strange to charge them, but who can afford not to now adays. At $18 an hour the money will run out fast if you had someone come in everyday. It will be hard on you, so take care of yourself. The Veteran's will pay you if your father was in the service. There is a place here to find information. Good luck. Hugs.

My 90 year old Mom has lived in my home for 10 years.We have created an apartment type of area for her. She has been in bad health the whole time. Two back surgeries, a broken hip, and a mild stroke brings us up to date. I am retired and can care for her needs, but for the past 5 years I have been charging her about 1,000 a month for food , shelter, and total caregiving Will I be in trouble if at some point she goes into a home and I have to apply for medicaid.

Caring for the elderly deserves pay. You can also check with a social worker through the county you are in. For when the money has run out there is financial assistance through elderly waiverly which is assessed on the abilities and financial status of the elderly person. It has been a big help in this household!

my mom does not want to go into a nursing home so she takes turns living at 3 of our homes She is in agreement with the situation and knows from caring for her own mom how difficult it can be. Her resources are such that the caregiver gets $70. a day . She pays for medicine and depends. We switch homes every 21-28 days. There are 8 children and only 3 of us can take her in their home. This is a lot cheaper for her and it gives us the incentive to give her what she wants. Other siblings know how challenging the project and have not disputed because they are not able or do not want the responsibility. One of us has to hire some outside help because of work schedule for which mom pays $10. an hour. We have now cared for Mom for 5 years. She is 90 years old.

my mom does not want to go into a nursing home so she takes turns living at 3 of our homes She is in agreement with the situation and knows from caring for her own mom how difficult it can be. Her resources are such that the caregiver gets $70. a day . She pays for medicine and depends. We switch homes every 21-28 days. There are 8 children and only 3 of us can take her in their home. This is a lot cheaper for her and it gives us the incentive to give her what she wants. Other siblings know how challenging the project and have not disputed because they are not able or do mot want the responsibility. One of us has to hire some outside help because of work schedule for which mom pays $10. an hour. We have now cared for Mom for 5 years.

Please make sure you know what your getting into when you invite a parent to move in with you. Even if they are well now it won't be long before they will need care and lots of it. Do not expect other family member to jump in and give you a break--that just won't happen. However if there is any money they will be first in line. I have been doing this for years, my father doesn't want to go to a nursing home. My sibling who lives next door in a house my father paid for just about makes it over to feed him lunch if he doesn't forget. I am in the process now after five long years hiring some outside help. It can be very draining.

Whew! Someone else gets it! Thanks for the good advice. This all just happened 2 weeks ago and has been so stressful. My sister lives thousands of miles away of course. Thanks to us my dad has been able to live on his own the past 2 years.

Luvmydad, of course your dad can pay you for care, just as he would have to pay if professionals came in. Do some research and find out how much it would cost to place him in a care center at the level of care he needs, and also how much it would cost to have professionals come in to your house (or his) to provide care. I'm not suggesting that you use this to set your own fee, but it would be background information for your sister. I don't understand how family members think a loved one's need to pay for basics cease when they move in with a son or daughter. It costs everyone something to live. Why should you alone provide this for Dad out of your pocket?

Because there may be family conflict, and because it may be necessary to apply for Medicaid in the future, I advise you to keep very careful records of your expenses on his behalf -- trips to doctors, incontence supplies, whatever. And also to put the care and payment arrangement in writing. Realize that you also sometimes need to pay a professional caregiver, unless your sister is willing to provide respite care so that you can get away regularly. No one can do this 24/7/365.

I have POA in Oregon. Can I pay myself for caring for my dad in our home? If so, what is an accepted amount? My sister & I do not see eye to eye. She has threatened she would sue me if I used the money to pay my husband & I for caring for my dad. My dad had a stroke & has Alzheimers. He has been living with us for about 2 weeks now & wants to stay. Sadly we are not in the financial position to pay for the extra utilities. Dad requires 24/7 care.

can I rent out my parents home once they have moved into assisted living? I want to sell it so they will have the funds for their needs, but the market is so down now. The home is paid for

It sounds like you mother would benefit greatly from living in an Adult Foster Home contact your local DHS for a list of homes in your area. I own and operate a home in Albany, Oregon. All homes are licensed throught the state in which they are located. Your mom can pay privatley or through medicaid. You will find out all your options from Senior Services. Good luck!

hELLO HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF A ADULT FAMILY HOME? i KNOW MYSELF I ACCEPT WHAT THE PERSON CAN AFFORD..AND YOU CAN BE QUITE SUPRISED AT THE ALTERNATIVE..THAT MIGHT HELP YOU NOT HAVE TO TAKE LEAVE OF ABSENCE FROM WORK SINCE WORKS HARD FOR PEOPLE TO GET NOW ADAYS..

Thank you Bobbi for your reply.
She is quite forgetful and unsafe to be left alone (even for an hour or so). She is in need of 24 hr supervision (even at night she can tend to get up / wander / history of falls). Any place that she would go at this time would cost much more then what she is bringing in monthly (small amt with SS and pension). Her savings would be drained in a very small amt of time.

Yes, there are family members that would say this is taking advantage, although no other family is willing to do the same. They will not help in any way, and all the responsibility will totally be on my husband and I.
She is unable to live on her own, would have to pay for rent in her own apt., and then also have to pay to have 24 hr caregivers with her (or go into a nursing facility).

If she lives here without paying, then her pension would just be going monthly into her savings with us paying for everything. Just not sure that is fair scenario, while we pay for everything pertaining to her living with us in our home. Difficult to determine and it sounds very bad to "charge a parent to live with you" however there are alot of expenses that come with someone living in your home and caring for them constantly.

I don't know of anything that would prevent you from charging room/board etc to your parent. I would however be very careful. Is your mother still alert and oriented? Is she able to give consent to spend her money? Are there siblings/family that might view it as your "taking advantage"? As far as legitimate expense for Medicaid approval, you would need to contact your local DSS to speak with an eligibility worker, or you can visit the website and read the policy for yourself.