When things were hard for me with my husband and we were able to have aides come to the house I would go out for an ice cream cone it felt good doing something for just me and w7 I hope you are able to get away for a few hours try not to react to his negative talking if you do not respond he may stop-are you able to go into another room when he starts-do you have someone you can talk to when things get bad we all want to help you caregiving is so hard and can really get you down but do try to have some alone time for yourself otherwise if you are running on empty you will not be helpful to him-does he have any interest.
Depression in the elderly is common; I can honestly say that all the elderly relatives in my family have had it and dealth with differently - healthy ways and unhealthy ways. For my parents - when they were able, they volunteered to do things for others. It helped that they could go TOGETHER. Once Mom was alone, it was another story. At 90 she's on a low dose antidepressant to relieve her anxiety.
The elderly are often isolated due to - like your dad - loss of a car, inability to walk or wheel around easily. Is it possible to get him involved in a seniors program where they meet for cards or pool/billiards? What about gardening with him - fresh air and some sunshine do wonders a couple of times a week. There are dial-a-ride services in many counties and some even take regular routes. my uncle used to just get on and ride around for an hour. He'd get off at a stop, stroll around then get on when it came back and then go home.
Fighting depression with my mom has been the hardest thing of all - it's not something you can fix with a pill or a quick treatment. It ebbs and wanes depending on the season and events that happen to the elder and among his/her group of friends and family. What worked last month might not work this month. As long as you keep trying but understand that they have to meet you part way; don't get so sucked in that you too get pulled into the blues
For yourself - take some time to catch your breath - stop for coffee and turn off your phone. Slip in to the bookstore, grab a comfy chair and flip through a magazine - take a hobby class that distracts your mind and gets you physically out of the house. Also don't be afraid to ask for respite volunteers or for help from family - even a few hours a week is important to keep you emotionally and physically healthy. Best of luck!
Thank you for trying you are all great. I was talking about my dad's fosus on negatives and how much harder it is to get on w/o car etc. I use no..w idea of telll me what you are grateful for first
It looks like I misunderstood from going to your wall it seems you are the caregiver one of the ways to help yourself is what you are doing reach out to us here most of us are going through it or have and you will get much support and if you can join a near-by support group that would also help-but for now vent and lean on us but try to do something good for yourself each day and keep in touch.
Did I just go west with your question or didn't you originally say something about "feeling sorry for yourself now that you need help (caregiving)?" If I missed the boat entirely, please forgive me. The last thing I want to do is offend you or anyone else in this forum. Mil perdones.
Address it as if it were an addiction. Take an honest self-inventory, admit you have a problem, and try to rectify or past behavior without excuses of any kind. Having a big slice of humble pie also comes with the territory, but don't humiliate yourself in the process as it might cause you to "hole up" and keep you from asking for the help that now you sorely need.
In American society, we learn from an early age to "stay out of trouble by keeping to ourselves," "mind our own business," "live and let live," blah, blah, blah. But unless we are hermits, we have to be social. When we don't know how to play this balancing act, there's always the possibility we might shun or rub people the wrong way.
You can't please everybody and not everybody is going to like you. But it pays to be civil when you can't be nice all the time. ... At least it keeps some doors open for when you need it most.
If you are talking about you needing help just be a joyful person and say thanks for what they do for you if you are able to make cookies or knit something that would be nice but a thank you for your time is just fine people who help others do get a joy from what they are doing-it must be hard to let go of doing everything for yourself that is why extended families worked so well in the 30 and 40's.
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The elderly are often isolated due to - like your dad - loss of a car, inability to walk or wheel around easily. Is it possible to get him involved in a seniors program where they meet for cards or pool/billiards? What about gardening with him - fresh air and some sunshine do wonders a couple of times a week. There are dial-a-ride services in many counties and some even take regular routes. my uncle used to just get on and ride around for an hour. He'd get off at a stop, stroll around then get on when it came back and then go home.
Fighting depression with my mom has been the hardest thing of all - it's not something you can fix with a pill or a quick treatment. It ebbs and wanes depending on the season and events that happen to the elder and among his/her group of friends and family. What worked last month might not work this month. As long as you keep trying but understand that they have to meet you part way; don't get so sucked in that you too get pulled into the blues
For yourself - take some time to catch your breath - stop for coffee and turn off your phone. Slip in to the bookstore, grab a comfy chair and flip through a magazine - take a hobby class that distracts your mind and gets you physically out of the house. Also don't be afraid to ask for respite volunteers or for help from family - even a few hours a week is important to keep you emotionally and physically healthy.
Best of luck!
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Did I just go west with your question or didn't you originally say something about "feeling sorry for yourself now that you need help (caregiving)?" If I missed the boat entirely, please forgive me. The last thing I want to do is offend you or anyone else in this forum. Mil perdones.
-- ED
Address it as if it were an addiction. Take an honest self-inventory, admit you have a problem, and try to rectify or past behavior without excuses of any kind. Having a big slice of humble pie also comes with the territory, but don't humiliate yourself in the process as it might cause you to "hole up" and keep you from asking for the help that now you sorely need.
In American society, we learn from an early age to "stay out of trouble by keeping to ourselves," "mind our own business," "live and let live," blah, blah, blah. But unless we are hermits, we have to be social. When we don't know how to play this balancing act, there's always the possibility we might shun or rub people the wrong way.
You can't please everybody and not everybody is going to like you. But it pays to be civil when you can't be nice all the time. ... At least it keeps some doors open for when you need it most.
Be well my friend, and keep us in the loop.
-- ED