My father had bladder cancer that has spread to his bones. He is very tired, has no appetite and is uncomfortable. Can someone please tell me how long we have?

My husband had bladder cancer when he was 32 and then had a another tumor 4 years later - but now 14 years later - something came up on his pet scan and now had a bone biopsy- what is the probability that he might have bone cancer - He is only 52 years old - any help would be appreciated

You are right, Debralee. My husband has a "much larger than expected" malignant cancerous tumor in his bladder. It has attached itself to the wall. The urologist said some of the tumor was scraped during the cystoscopy; but, even repeating this procedure two or three more times will not get all of the cancer. He was obligated to tell us the options, of course. Of course, removal of the tumor is impossible. The next step would be to remove the bladder and surrounding organs, leaving him to urinate into a bag. The doctor's body language was negative throughout the explanation of what was discovered and what the options are. I was shown the cat scan on the computer screen as two other urologists were called in to "consult" about the cystoscopy. They were very concerned about a break in the wall of one of his kidneys. Logic tells me that the cancer has spread. His age (87) and heart condition are working against him. He looks and acts younger than 87. The day he was released after the cystoscopy, we had discussed being thankful for our 22 years of happiness we had enjoyed with each other. He told me that he is an old man (something I don't want to accept...I am 68) and that something is going to kill him. It might be a heart attack. It might be the cancer. It might be any number of things. So, we are going to live each day as if it were our last. Both of us are planning to have some minor medical procedures done this month. We plan to enjoy some time "to do whatever we want" in October! In November, we are planning to have Thanksgiving week, or more!, with one of his daughters and her family. They may or may not be able to be there as long as we are, but this is their retirement home that they do not live in yet...soon, they hope...and we have always been welcome to enjoy the change in weather, humidity, and just to spend some time in a gated community on a beautiful mountain of VA. During the second week in December we have planned a Caribbean cruise. One of his other daughters and her husband are touring the USA in a motor home and should be in our area of FL in January. If something happens to prevent any of these plans, we will deal with them as they come. I, as his wife and caretaker, however, want to know what to expect and when to expect it so that I can be prepared. So, yes, this is a 2012 thread, but I am benefiting from it. Thank you to all who have posted here and who might read this and post some more. I want to make the quality of his life to be of primary importance, and I want to be with him (at home, I hope) until the very end.

True the post is old, but for those who are affected today may find the current advice helpful.

Note: this post is from 2010.

Hospice Care will make sure he does not suffer. When cancer has spread to the bones of the elderly, chemotherapy does more harm than good. How long he lives is not as important as how his quallity of life without pain is in his best interest.

My mother had bladder cancer. The cancer was very invasive and had also taken over a lymph node. They removed her bladder and the surrounding lymph nodes and she received chemo therapy. At the end of chemotherapy they did a scan and everything came back clear. Six months later she had another scan which was also clear. Now, one year later she just had another scan and they noticed a "smudge" on her hip. Now she goes this upcoming Wednesday for a bone scan. What if it has metastasized? I feel sick to my stomach with worry for her. She has been such a trooper through all of this and I worry so much for her. How severe is bone cancer? Will she ever be cancer free?

I lost my dad 2 years ago we did in home hospice . I have no way to say how long he has but I can pass on some very important points to help you in this sad situation .
The hospice nurse told us that the cancer victim will decide when he passes as well as whom is around when he passes . In our case my dad passed on after we all had left him to sleep (around 3am )

Keep in mind that though a cancer patient may appear unconscious or asleep they are very aware of whats going on around them so ots best not to say anything in ear shot . My family and I were sitting feet away talking about the good times we had as kids and though we thought dad was asleep he smiled .
If he is ptescribed oral morphine do not withold the medicine for fear of it expediting his passing . My sister forbid us from giving my dad morphine in her belief he would die from it . I thought that selfish and called the doctor who agreed with my opinion that it wasnt a strong enough dose to expedite his passing .

In my experience dad stopped eating and drinking . His urine output was very little and his urine was very dark . we all knew from his dehydration that he didnot have long but suprised us by bouncing back only to pass on a few days later .
I am grateful for having him inmy home for hospice we got very close in his last days .

I will say that before he died he described it as very beautifull ...all the colors then he called out the name of his dog he had as a child . He loved living in the apartment in my home and actually said " you are going to have to carry me out of here I like it so much here "
His wish came true .When the funeral home came to take him the clouds cleared and a mockingbird broke out the most sweet variety of chirps I have ever heard .
I hope this post can help or comfort you . My experience leads me to believe that passing on in life is not the end . Bless you !

hi my 82 year old mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of bladder cancer. she goes in for a bone scan tuesday. all the other scans were negative. They are suggesting chemo and then complete bladder removal I dont want to see her suffer. I am scared

Thank you :)

Chemo can be really hard on people... however I would listen to the Doctor and ask questions. I know this is VERY hard... I wish I was close by to help you! Just remember they need you and be sure to rest when you can... take care, J

Thank you,you are very helpful in understanding that, it is what he wants is most important ;) I hope and pray that everything is just located in the bladder. The x-ray's on Monday, will determine if has spread further.One good thing is that the doctor said that his prostate looked healthy.Thank you for your support, i really need it right now.My Mother is a wreak, i wish i could make all go away.But does chemo make it worse and make people sicker?you have to ask yourself, is it the quality of life you seek or quantity.I dont want to watch him get sicker and sicker everyday, because I've heard that chemo starts to attack other organs. Thank you tons, and may God bless you also.

Hi Thistle... my Daddy had bladder cancer too... They removed the tumor, then it did spread to his prostate and his bones. Once we were told of the metastisis(that it had spread) he somewhat gave up. He was tired and weak and just wanted to go to heaven. He was however much older than your Dad. I would encourage you to talk with the oncologist and get all the options. I would also encourage you to focus on what your Dad wants. We did very conservative things which is what Dad wanted and kept him comfortable. Please know I do understand your feelings. Please also know I would be happy to do anything I could to help you. take care and God bless...

My Dad has bladder cancer,the doctor says its aggressive and was found in the mussel of his bladder, he said that he either needs to remove his bladder or it may have spread into his bones.He go's to get a dye shot on Monday and an x-ray on Tuesday to see if it has spread into his bones.I am so scared,he is 70 years old and acts like he's 50. The pathology came back after his surgery and it doe's not sound good...what can i expect? should he get chemo or not? i want him around for a lot longer, but will chemo just make it worse and take him down faster,if its in his bones?

thank you so much for your kind words sylvester18... Our faith is holding us up!!! I am very sorry about what your Father endured... bless his heart I am sure is at peace... thank you again... and may the Lord bless you, take care, J

I'm so sorry for what you are having to endure right now...to watch your Dad in pain causes pain to your own heart, trust me, I felt the same pain in October of 2005 when my Dad went into sepsis shock from stage 4 bedsores caused by NEGLECT AT A NURSING HOME FACILITY...and he yelled out, "I have never been in such pain in my life! Lord!"
I went into the chapel at the hospital and opened the Bible there to the verse, "by His stripes we are healed", and highlighted it with a yellow highlighter. I then asked God to either heal him or take him, which God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, decided to take Him to Paradise where he is in longer in pain and there isn't a better place my Dad could be.
I will tell you, although you are expecting the end to come, it is not easy, and even 5 years later, it still hurts my heart to know the pain my Dad was in caused by neglectful people who I entrusted to take care of him.
I APPLAUD you for keeping him with you at home, what a WONDERFUL person you are for your time and support you are giving to him during this trying time. And I'm sure he would have given up long ago if that support wasn't there.
As for him not eating, it really could be side affects of meds, and you should check him for bed sores because if he does have one, it could be infected causing him to have a fever. When my Dad started pocketing food, I bought him milkshakes, which he drank them everytime, even though he wouldn't eat. Maybe getting him his favorite milkshake will at least keep him from starving himself.
I hope and pray God grants you and your family the peace and strength they need to get through this, and most of all, God bless your Dad with His perfect peace that only comes from above.

thank you anne123 I appreciate your kind words...

Jaye, Your father sounds like a wonderful man. It is so good that you are able to bring a smile to his face with baked currant cakes and visitors. He is surrounded by love. I am so sorry you have to see your father getting weaker and for what you are going through.

thank you robert888, I appreciate your kind words...My Dad still has his sense of humor. On friday he told the onocologist being in pain is against my religion I am a devout coward! My sisters were both here at the weekend, my niece and her children and also my son his wife and our grandson. Dad really enjoyed seeing everyone. We kind of took turns going to visit and only one sister stayed with them. We had no GREAT bid family meals that is just too hard!!! We are trying to offer him things he likes in small amounts and he appreciates that. thank you again... take care, J

SOON - Days or a week or two.

I base this on a couple things, one he is not eating, has no appetite to eat. So soon he will start to lose the potassium, other electrolytes that he needs to keep functioning. The lack of calories and consumption means he will get weak soon. It is the body's way of turning of the lights one-at-a time.

Second, he "knows." My mother also knew when she passed. When they actually "tell" you, it's a strong indication, please take it as a peaceful, in-control time for him and your family. When there is still "fight" in them, they are willing to take pills, get up/down to the toilet, will try to eat. (If he can eat more than the current cakes, then he might pull thru. Otherwise, it may be his way of thanking you for bringing back a bit of the old memories and happiness.)

I hope I'm totally wrong. Some docs, my mother's oncologist for example, never did "call the time" and I was too young to know to be insistent and to get hospice involved. If your dad can still make it to an office visit, I'd go in ASAP, appointment or no appointment. If not, maybe you can get the prognosis from the oncologist (by insisting) or your family practice doc.

SO WHAT if hospice lasts 3 days or 10 weeks, that's how it is supposed to happen. Hopefully, they will be able to then come to the home and give you some support. And most importantly, let you focus your time on your father.

Hoping his time is comfortable, as is your heart, when he can finally rest completely.

thank you, I did call hospice yesterday... They will not get involved till we have an actual prognosis. I have notified the Dr office and have gotten other pain medication for him! I recently made him some current cakes which is an old scottish recipe ( we are all scottish) and he asked for me to make them again. My Grandma always made them and it made him smile and brought back good memories... thank you for your kind words!!!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. If he is not eating, then he may be moving into the end stages of his disease, but it could also be side effects from medications, so seeing his care provider soon is a good idea. My father stopped eating and was gone three days later. The one thing I would recommend from my experience is get hospice NOW. I agree with the other person answering with you DO IT NOW. Call the oncologist office and ask for the referral today, not after you see the doctor next week. Hospice can make such an amazing difference in everyone's lives. They will help with his pain and comfort, as well as prepare you for what is coming. They are the angels among us.

I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Watching a parent in pain with no way to help is so very hard. I've been through it too....It's hard to understand how long your dad will last. Some people seem to hang on and others pass quickly and quietly. My first advice is that if you can't control his pain - if it's hard for him to bare, don't wait for a visit to the oncologist, take him to the ER. They will help make him comfortable until you can see the doctor. Second is that you contact hospice ASAP- call your local hospital's social service office and ask for their recommendation.

Your oncologist should be able to give you some indication of how long he might have left. Be sure to ask about palliative care - how he can be made comfortable. ASAP, ask that hospice become involved in his care. Decide whether to keep him at home or in a facility like a hospital or hospice center. Hospice nurses and aides will do all they can for your dad and for you. Let them do the physical tending so that you're free to laugh and love your dad - AND EACH OTHER - as well as you can. As the end nears, don't be afraid to touch your dad and get involved in tending to him. Let your instincts guide you and remember that - controlling his pain is a high priority but he needs to feel loved now more than anything. Best of luck to you and to your father. He's lucky to have kids who care so much.