My mother is being manipulate by my sister who has given her drugs she doesn't need and taken total control. What can I do?

I have just read my message back and feel i need to state, I dont know if my sister adminsiters mums medication, but as I belive she has moved in and had total control of mum then I am concerned as to how far she will go.

Hi Im in the Uk and have the same problem, my sister manufactured and argument between my mother my brother and my self. My mum is about 85, my sister sent threatening text messages to myself my brother and my brothers x wife accusing us of leaving her to look after mum while at the same time telling us we could not do things for her. Then she told my mum that we had sent nasty messages to her. My mum has belived my sister, my brother wrote a letter but my sister read it to my mum my mum has not read it for herself. I cannot get near my mum now for over a year, ill health has prevented me from pushing too hard, I finaly took her out for a meal, the converstion turned to my brother and when I said he was supicious my sister had manipulated her into getting a will she became argumetative, as we drove home I said this situation could not be left and the problems must be sorted, i asked if my sister had been appointed to care for her and she started trying to jump out my car at 50mph I was about 20 miniutes drive on country roads from her home so could not let her out, as we got near to home she jumped out the car, I left her as I knew there was no point arguing with her and got my sisters boy friend to get her. I cannot see my mum, she puts the phone down on me, i tried again today and my sister has thretend me with the police. I my self have contacted the police, and im going to seek advice from them. I dont know what to do. I feel my mum has had to trade leaving her home to my sister for care. and I think the anger has come because she feels she has done wrong. I belive she is under emotional abuse as my aunt move away and now she is scared of being alone and my sister has put this to good use, i feel sure she has got her to make a will leaving her home soley to her. I told the police I am concerned for my mum as if my sister has this much control she also controls medication.

should I push to see my mum or should I back off to avoid up setting her. I try to tell myself to get on with it and that mum has just become a nasty old lady, but my head tells me she is being manipulated, if I challenge the situation I risk upsetting her and possiibly a heart attack at this age, what do i do how do i stand legally anyone know

Sole, the original poster, is not responding to any of this. Please everyone, click on the "Notify Me When Others Respond" box under the comment box. This happens to often and it turns into a runaway discussion. Lots of good information, but perhaps not directly answering the OP's concerns.

Call the non-emergency line at the Police Department, and have an officer come over and take a report from you regarding your sister and her treatment of your mother.
Be prepared for the consequences and have someone else take over the care of your mother.

Amen to all who suggest she do something NOW! mom doesnt deserve this crap, nobody does!!!!!!!

Sole-I have read the advice that has been made, in this forum, on the subject--and for the most part I do agree with twhat has been suggested. This is your Mom that you have mentioned--and surely you do NOT want her to be the victim of abuse, by anyone (and that includes another family member, as you sister)..Not knowing many of the particulars in this situation--It is difficult for me to understand why - your sister is allowed to become involved in your Mom's care-and does your Mom realize what is happening? I think, if possible you do need to get back to us with an update and more information-on how and why your abusive sister is even in the caregiving picture at all. If you have POA, you canlegally restrain her from doing so....and this just might be for everyone's benefit. If there is an elder abuse hotline number in your area-I would certainly contact them...
Good luck once again,
Hap

It sounds like there is alot more information that is needed in this forum regarding the question, Like why on earth is your mother with this sister if she has committed fraud? Why hasn't anyone gotten involved until now? Is your mom have all her six activities of daily living in tact? Who have POA and Medical POA over your mom? Why hasnt adult protection services gotten involved? Is there sibling discord?Lots of things need to be covered at that point-DO AS THE OTHERS ADVISE ON THIS FORUM AND DONT WAIT,it your mom.

wow! that is a toughy, I know it is your sister and that must feel horrible, but if your mom is being abused, and it sure sounds that way to me, RUN to DCF, or call information and find out what the hotline number is for this kind of thing, and do something now before its too late! If you dont you will never forgive yourself later! This is something u CANNOT wait about! this is serious business, your mom's safety is at risk, and something needs to be done right away! like the other comments, can u give more info, like what kinds of meds shes being given, and what things u are noticing happening that spells abuse? with that said please please do something NOW as u cannot wait, especially if u love mom, screw your sister, she is obviously not in her right mind, and has another motive, u need to find out what that is! GOOD LUCK AND LET US KNOW!

I gather that your mother does not know that your sister has been convicted of home care fraud. What was her sentence and how did she get in this position to abuse again? Given her past record, I would have someone look into this.

Sole: This is a new one on me--so I went to the internet and this is what I found for you~As to my way of thinking, this is a form of elder abuse:

Types of fraud and abuse vary from emotional abuse which can be often undetected to inflicting physical harm on an elderly person. There are however several things you can do to prevent fraud and abuse for a loved one who has home care services brought into their home. Those activities include the following:

The first line of defense in preventing elder abuse is having a strong and open communication between you and your loved one. Check in regularly with him/her about the care they are receiving. Make it known and clear to the careprovider (your sister) that you are involved. Ask to be updated often when conditions change. Also, some individuals are now installing in home camera monitoring devices to watch the daily activities in the home of their loved one. You can even monitor activities from your laptop at home. When monitoring activities it’s important to be aware of signs of abuse. These signs may include the following:

* Communication shut down by the elder
* Lack of interest by the elder. Lethargy.
* Issues with personal hygiene
* Weight loss/weight gain
* Unexplained and re occurring bruises and injuries
* Dirty House

In addition to protecting your loved one against emotional and physical abuse it’s also important to protect them financially from fraud. Some helpful tips are:

* Keep a safe in the house for personal records and valuables..or use a safe deposit box.
* Make sure mail is only collected by someone you trust or set up a P.O. Box that only you can access if you are within driving distance of the elder.
* Check Bills for spikes in charges.
* Set up fraud protection/flags with the banks and credit cards your elder uses to flag unusual charges.

I realize that much of this may seem quite powerful-however for your Mom's sake it may be worth it-for her protection.

By the way do you have POA over her health and financial matters-if not-you may want to see if this has been done/ and legally filed.

Good luck!

Hap

Before you go off the deep end here you must do first things first.
1. Get your mother to a Geriatric Doctor for a complete physical ASAP. You do not have to explain to anyone why. Just say you are concerned about your mom because she seems (depressed, lethargic, underweight, overly tired, etc)
2. Since you are not your mom's guardian or conservator, you may not get the results of the physical without your mom's consent but that is not a problem. The doctor is obligated by law to report any suspicious findings like unusual drug traces in her blood or urin, and will probably ask her or you or your sister what medications she is currently taking.
3. Do not say anything to the doctor about your suspicions regarding your sister. Just keep insisting that your mother is "not herself lately" and you are worried that her health is failing or she needs more skilled care than you or your sister can provide (Is your sister an RN?)

On the other hand, two sisters swindled my mother. I reported it, the county took over conservatorship, did nothing about the two sisters (not even a stern lecture, which was what I hoped for in the first place)...and then gave them full rights to visit their mother...and not have to prepay the loan. As things turned out over the years, they have more rights regarding their mother than I do and they both went in to complain to the PG that I was bugging them about making good on their crimes. Oh, they have the absolute right not to contact their mother at all. ETC.

Sole - First, consult an elder care attorney or legal aid about the process to become your Mom's guardian or personal representative if she's deemed incompetent. Then RUN to your local area agency on aging and ask for their help to investigate elder abuse. With your sisters conviction of abuse they ought to dive right in and investigate. Be prepared, this may cost your relationship with sister but would that be so bad? Also be prepared for back lash from your Mom. Hopefully you will get enough evidence - should an investigation uncover abuse - to demonstrate sisters manipulation and bad intention so that you can repair your relationship with your Mom.
Best of luck.

Wow! Best Question I've seen in weeks! You life out a lot of information in your asking for help. There is very likely, not enough room and this may not be the place to help you in your situation. Sounds quite serious, possible elder care abuse? Is your mother cognitve? Does she have medical issues? How old? Etc.
The first thing is Document/record everything, use phone conversations, write down medications etc.).
I feel we on this blog are not going to hear everything we would need to hear to help you. Contact your states Elder Care Department or Hotline, Department of Aging. An intermediary would probably help you. If there is the possibility of your mothers health is in danger contact local authorities. You allegation your sibling was convicted of home care fraud might suggest to to a judge that your mothers care may be compromised. Again we need to hear a lot more than just what you wrote in one sentence. Get someone from your States Aging Department to help you.