Barry - Can you explain "AD" ? Do you mean advance directive on her health care in case she's found unresponsive? It would also be good understand WHO wants her to move to assisted living - her physician? her family? Does she NEED it due to medical conditions or physical limits, or is it about company for her and not worrying about her welfare? If she's able to keep up with her hygiene, feed herself, take her meds as prescribed, get groceries and prescriptions - then should she move?
Often when people get older families start a waiting game - we wait for a fall, a stroke, an illness or a new ache/pain that signals it's time to make a change. The change is usually someone moving in or them moving out. These are called sentinel events. It's really hard to wait and watch them decline without doing anything. That said, we must consider their quality of life, their sense of control and what they REALLY need. I just went through all of this with my own mom. We worked to keep her in her own home until her arthritis became too bad and she needed help to get up/down from chairs and on/off the toilet. By this time she was 88 and we had listened to 2 years of complaints about lack of company, aides that didn't clean well enough, poor food from wheels on meals and requests for new shoes for her swollen feet (we never found them so I altered slippers for her). We also made all kinds of adjustments to her home to make things easier as her body declined. We finally got her to move by telling her that it was "just for winter" but by then she was so weak and wheelchair bound she had to stay. We told her that home was not safe any longer. We also put it all on the doctor - he ORDERED that she stay.
So - there's our story. I hope it helps. It's hard to sit on the sidelines, help as you can and jump to action when something happens. BUT - what's most important is that your elder feel loved and engaged with family or loved ones. That was our goal with Mom even though she was her own worst enemy when it came to dealing with her arthritis - it's been best for her. Best of luck to you and to your Mom, she's lucky to have a family that cares.
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Often when people get older families start a waiting game - we wait for a fall, a stroke, an illness or a new ache/pain that signals it's time to make a change. The change is usually someone moving in or them moving out. These are called sentinel events. It's really hard to wait and watch them decline without doing anything. That said, we must consider their quality of life, their sense of control and what they REALLY need. I just went through all of this with my own mom. We worked to keep her in her own home until her arthritis became too bad and she needed help to get up/down from chairs and on/off the toilet. By this time she was 88 and we had listened to 2 years of complaints about lack of company, aides that didn't clean well enough, poor food from wheels on meals and requests for new shoes for her swollen feet (we never found them so I altered slippers for her). We also made all kinds of adjustments to her home to make things easier as her body declined. We finally got her to move by telling her that it was "just for winter" but by then she was so weak and wheelchair bound she had to stay. We told her that home was not safe any longer. We also put it all on the doctor - he ORDERED that she stay.
So - there's our story. I hope it helps. It's hard to sit on the sidelines, help as you can and jump to action when something happens. BUT - what's most important is that your elder feel loved and engaged with family or loved ones. That was our goal with Mom even though she was her own worst enemy when it came to dealing with her arthritis - it's been best for her. Best of luck to you and to your Mom, she's lucky to have a family that cares.