My friend and I are caretaking my father who has alz. He has recently become MORE angry, verbally abusive, a runaway and wants to have my brother rescue him from our "abuse". Given the circumstances he can't live with my brother full time so we are it. He is so angry it oozes from him. There is no love or caring and it is harder to be a loving caretaker. How do we get past this stage with our dignity and sanity intact? I feel in my heart that it maybe time for a alz. facitilty and none of us our having any quality of live. Any words of wisdom???? Thanks
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Listen to the voice of your conscience. What does it say? Probably "I did for him what I never thought I could because I love him." We need intelligent caregivers that can think rationally when the going gets tough, and right now you're following your heart.
Baby, it's time to place him. For his safety, for your sanity. When he is where he needs to be, you'll have another chance at a normal life and peace of mind. Of course those guilty feelings will pop up every now and then, but no matter what others think the fact is that you did the best you could with what you had.
Take good care my friend, and don't be a stranger.
-- ED
Your job now is to think of his safety and running away is NOT safe. What if he does it in the middle of winter and forgets where to go? What if he runs into traffic? Moving him means you care about his safety. I hope you can let go of the guilt but, trust me, when dealing with aging parents, there's always something to feel guilty about. Recognizing THAT makes it easier to push aside so you can enjoy life a little. We want so much to provide a good quality of life, to create a loving place for them to live, new clothes, gadgets that make things easier, etc.,etc... we can't do it all, it's just not possible. Just WANTING to try is huge; your father is a lucky man!
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and what little relationship you have with him now will be lost one way or the other. Sorry.