My 80-year-old father drinks daily, has totaled 2 vehicles and received 2 DUI's. He has lost a lot of weight and cannot stop. how can we save him?
he has fallen many times(due to drinking) several trips to the emergency room and a few concussions. one more fall could be his last. is there anything legally we can do to get him help?
IF you live in Florida you can look into the "Baker Act". It gives a family member the ability to have a person committed to prevent them from harming themselves or someone else.
Taking away the car keys and encouraging your dad to keep attending AA meetings is about all you can/should do for now. Nagging him or trying to force him will not help and could make matters worse. You might also look into Al-Anon meetings for yourself. They are usually held in the same place as AA meeting and are especially for people who are living with an alcoholic. Trust me...there will be people there who are dealing with many of the same problems as you and you will only get support from them---no judgment or criticism. .
My mom did not drink, but she did start driving dangerously and we had the DMV take her drivers license and we sold her vehicle. Unfortunately, she started hitch hiking, with her dog, to get where she wanted to go. We finally took her to be tested for Alzheimer's and she is now safely in a locked facility, where she cannot hurt herself or anyone else. My sister has her dog and takes the pup to visit Mom. We hated doing this, but there was no choice. I have two sisters and all of us tried having Mom live with us, so we would not have to put her in a facility. The Alzheimer's Disease is so hateful, that none of us could take care of her. We are not trained to take care of this condition. Taking Mom's car and placing her in a locked facility was the most painful thing I have ever done. Mom is 76 and I believe she has had this disease for a lot longer than we knew. She can no longer eat solid foods and all her food is pureed. She does not recognize me or my sisters and thinks we are her "help" to clean her room. Please have your father tested for Alzheimer's Disease. I didn't want to believe it and kept trying to avoid it. I wish you the best and God bless you and your family.
My own father wass a drunk. he used to sit and drink until he passed out, I was only a young child, but knew things were not right. When I got older he had several pass outs. One time he was rush to the hospital and was told his liver was going. no more drinking. I notice he was having pains on his one side by his liver and lost a lot of weight. I do not want to scare you. But I can still remember years ago when I went to have the blood test they gave us to get married. Mt father push me to the side and asked the docotor a question ( if he could have one drink at his daughters wedding) Well the doctor told ok. My father got so drunk I had to leave my own wedding. he died 5 five after he cancer htey even found liver cells in his brain, get your dad to a doctor. My father was only 65 when he passed away.
Does he qualify for VA benefits? If yes, they might have in-house alcohol and drug treatment center where he can get help for alcoholism. After that, assisted living is a good option. The VA might even have something close by. Best of luck!
Poor guy needs HELP. But, for goodness sakes, dont let anyone else die because of him. Thank god you took the keys--bravo for that! NO matter howmuch he whines, dont give them back. How would he/you, and another poor family feel if someone died, not worth it. Good Luck, I would send him out for detox,or if its not a huge detoxing situation, just dont have anything in the house.
If you feel comfortable doing so, talk to his AA counselor to see if the counselor might be willing to stage an intervention with you. Can you be in your Dad's home after he gets in at whatever hour of the night or morning after a night of drinking? If so, you may be able to call an ambulance if he is so drunk that he passes out. Alena's sharing is one success story. I hope the outcome for your Dad will be as successful as Alena's Mom.
Either way, the fact that he is drinking himself nearly to death means that assisted living supervision is the only shot you may have at trying to save your Dad from himself. It's a relief to know he's not driving.
If you were to show up at random on any given day of the week at his home, or call, would he be coherent and responsive, or is there a possibility he might be passed out from the effects of alcohol? If the latter is the case, ask the counselor whether he or she would join you for a random daytime visit to stage an intervention.
The problem with alcohol as someone else has said in a reply to your post is that until the person admits he has a problem, everything else is a temporary fix.
my mom is was in the same situation and the final blow was the last fall in the kitchen where she could not get up and stayed on the floor for almost 2 days and lost her ability to walk. She was down to 93 lbs because she too was not eating. He sodium was so low they said she should have been in a coma. She went to the hospital and then a nursing home for rehab and now she is a ALF where she has no chance of getting to alcohol and has limited money available to her weekly. The fall in the kitchen was the only thing that saved her. I think she was trying to kill herself. While in the nursing facility they had to give my mom a testosterone shot because it was our last chance at jump starting her appetite. It worked...along with being out of her house and in a controlled environment. It took 1.5 years to get her walking and she has gained 40 lbs and is healthy and happy living in the ALF. The ALF has been a blessing. I am a huge supporter of getting the elderly in a good ALF that matches their abilities and personality. There is a lot of them out there and if you can find something that will work, it may be the change he needs. I will pray for you and your family. You are in a tough situation. God Bless you
It sounds like you a very unhappy father. Do you think maybe he wants to get hurt? Or end it all? If he was not drinking would he be able to take care of himself easily? or Does he know he is failing faster than he is prepared to be?
he is living at home with my mother. we took the keys after the second accident. he knows he needs to quit but keeps saying he can do it himself, which he can't. he goes to aa meetings and then goes out and drinks. he takes cabs now. we want to know is there anything legally we can do to force him into a facility or even into a nursing home temporarily. he is getting weaker everyday because he hardly eats.
Where is he living now? He needs to be in a facility to help him with the drinking, then perhaps an assisted living center or a nursing home. As far as helping him with his self-destructive behaviors, I do not think that there is much you can do until he sees the need to change. And for heaven's sake get those car keys away from him. It is one thing to not have respect for your own life and quite another to take someone else's.
13 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
Either way, the fact that he is drinking himself nearly to death means that assisted living supervision is the only shot you may have at trying to save your Dad from himself. It's a relief to know he's not driving.
If you were to show up at random on any given day of the week at his home, or call, would he be coherent and responsive, or is there a possibility he might be passed out from the effects of alcohol? If the latter is the case, ask the counselor whether he or she would join you for a random daytime visit to stage an intervention.
The problem with alcohol as someone else has said in a reply to your post is that until the person admits he has a problem, everything else is a temporary fix.
Do you think maybe he wants to get hurt? Or end it all?
If he was not drinking would he be able to take care of himself easily? or Does he know he is failing faster than he is prepared to be?
As far as helping him with his self-destructive behaviors, I do not think that there is much you can do until he sees the need to change.
And for heaven's sake get those car keys away from him. It is one thing to not have respect for your own life and quite another to take someone else's.