After my grandpa passed away earlier this year my husband, three young children, and I moved into my grandma's house because she didn't want to move out of her home I am completely co-dependent, so of course I jumped in to take care of her myself thinking that it was my "duty" and I was obligated to make my grandma's remaining years worry-free. I don't feel like I can take care of my grandma anymore because my family is falling apart, but I am scared to death to bring this up with her because I feel like I will just let her down. She is wheelchair bound due to permanent paralysis on one side of her body which has rendered her unable to do the most basic of things around the house. I don't want to leave her without a home and the care she needs, but I think I may need to leave for my own sanity and the sake of my family. Is there a way that I can break this to her gently?
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No. Don't pussyfoot around the issues and give it to her straight without being crude, crass, and obscene. Your family is falling apart, and you're about to go bonkers because on the surface you seem to be trapped between this sense of "duty" and what's best for you and your own family. To me, your decision to move in with her was mostly economic; and now, co-dependent, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place because the cost is much more than you expected and you haven't yet figured out a practical way out that won't put your family at risk.
Sit down with your husband and discuss the possibility of relocating (you can't do this by yourself). Then speak with your grandmother. When she asks for the reasons, tell her exactly what you told us: she's too demanding, can't stand living with her anymore, you're losing your marbles, and the family is unraveling.
You will, however, be running the risk she'll kick you all out in a hissy fit; but I doubt it. If she's as co-dependent as you say she is, she'll try to compromise. ... And what was once a co-dependent relationship, then, will turn symbiotic because everyone will know their overall well-being depends on caring for each other from the heart instead of putting a price tag on everything. Good luck.
-- ED
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