Great advice ladies! If it doesn't come out in the wash, it'll come out in the rinse ... or the lint. Plus, when you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Sounds like you are going to do this no matter what so the only thing I would say is to protect yourself agenst your grams children they may cause trouble for you after your grams passes. I mean be sure all you paper work is in order I know thats the last thing on your mind. but please be careful. best of luck to you your gram is very luck to have you
Thank you so much for all your advice. Well i will tell her i need to be her POA. I guess ive held off on that because i dont want to fight with other family members about it. I know they care for her but i feel they care more for thereselves then for her, for instince i took care of my great aunt from age 8 to 14 by cleaning her house walking to the store to get groceries and anything alse i could do at that age then when she passes she left all her money to my grandparents and they spent it on a harley and stuff they dont even have to this day. Just dont want the same to happen to my great grandma. @crowemagnum: i dont have a son just a step son and i will be starting up paralegal school again in spring eventually i hope to be a judge or an advocate for girls going through domestic violence. My current job is a caregiver. I take care of a 23 yr old with dissabilities. She has the brain of an 18 month old. She is an amazing girl and i love working with her and even though she has dissabilties she is healthy so my job is secure. I get a little over 50 hours a week. But i can always take her to my house and watch her so it doesnt really seem like work...Unless she's cranky :),,sorry if i forgot any of your other questions. I wasnt expecting this many responses just came across this website when i was googling about what to do. Thank you all for your support!
Chelsea, you have a great big heart and I admire that in a young woman your age. You have to remember that Grandma would have to pay ALL of her money out if she went into a nursing home facility, so telling her up front that you want her to live with you as much as she wants to live with you, but you will have to get a bigger place so she can have her own room and privacy if she needs it. You really should let her know that it will be a joint venture financially. The baby is going to need a room as well, so it sounds like you are going to need a 3 or 4 bedroom. What a blessing to her you are!
Unless your great grandmother revokes those previously done POA's and gives them to you, you are sending yourself down river without a paddle!
Be prepared for WWIII to break out when you great grandmother decides to change those POA's. At 19 you will be up against two adults with means, experience, connections, possibly some education and they will put an enormous amount of pressure on you and your great grandmother which will probably attempt a divide and conquer triangulation approach.
You've mentioned your selfish family which I gather are your grandparents, but I've not heard how you are going to balance this with a fiance, a 2 year old and a step-son.
Are you in college? If so, how are you financing your college education and how are you providing for your immediate family's financial needs? If you are in college, what are you majoring in and what type of job are you hoping to get? If none of the above are true currently, then what type of job do you have, how secure is that position and can it realistically support the monetary needs of your immediate family plus the cost of taking care of your great grandmother.
Your heart is in the right place, but I'm concerned the realities of such a transition and then sustaining it will crush you into the pavement or to an early grave. All of this looks very bleak to me. 19 is far too young to be taking care of your parents, parents, mother.
Chelsea, The only way this is going to work for you and your great grandma, is to have an open relationship and communication between the two of you. My mother-in-law who I help take care of always says the only thing she has is a little money, and she insists on pitching in whenever she can. She always buys gas for me, since I'm the one that takes her places, stuff like that. If your grandma wants to help you, then let her. Doesn't mean that you're taking advantage of her, that's not true and she knows it. But her generation is all about carrying their own weight, so you are telling her that her money is not important to you, which is also not true. Swallow your pride, let her help, but get your legal ducks in a row before you two make the move. Also, you and her should talk about the future when/if she needs more care than can give. What does she want to do when that happens? Open communication is key. Good luck.
NO!! DO NOT DO IT. I JUST PUT MY MOM IN A ASSISTED LIVING HOME .I HADE THREE OTHER PEOPLE HELPING ME AND IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ALL OF US! YOU WILL HAVE NO LIFE AT ALL.I KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT SHE WILL BE MUCH HAPPPIER IN A ASSISTEDLIVING WITH PEOPLE HER OWN AGE AND THERE ARE SOME NICE ONES OUT THERE .I FOUND ONE.YOU REALLY ARE TO YOUNG TO TAKE ON THIS KIND OF RESPONSIBLITY. YOU HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE AND EXPERENCE GO OUT AND LIVE IT, YOU ARE ONLY YOUNG ONCE!
Your heart is entirely in the right place. Most caregivers here in this forum have very little help from siblings or family...we do it because a loved one is in need. Having said that, though, I agree with all the others above. You really do need to have your gma's PoAs in place even before she moves in with you. If she has a sudden illness, hospitals/doctors will ask for the medical PoA. You should also monitor her financial accounts, that is where a financial PoA comes into play. These papers protect your grandmother...you are not interferring with anyone else in the family because her will is the final document that divides assets. Allow your grandmother to chip in with the rent, food, etc. You will be amazed at how much she will need such as medical equipment and other medical items....these things she should provide. Caring for a senior is not the same as caring for a child. A senior's health will continue to decline and it is very stressful dealing with everything that comes with it. Bless you for loving your grandmother so much that you are willing to take on this responsibility at such a young age. Just try to set emotion aside a bit and prepare as much as you can in advance. Also, there are all these great sub-headings on this site that have loads of information from experienced people. I have used these often. Good luck...let us know how it is going. Lilli
Is your great grandma still competent to make her own decisions? If so, she can revoke the POA she did previously and give it to you. I'm not suggesting this so you can have her money. It is so you can make sure she is taken care of the way she should be. If you can't help her with the money and health care decisions later on, others may decide not to spend money on things she needs out of a selfish desire to protect their own inheiritance.
Also, you can't apploy for help, fill out papers, etc. without the POA. My mom recently had money withdrawn from her checking account by a gov't agency that should not have taken it. We couldn't do anything about it until we sent the POA papers. (Luckily, it was resolved quickly and painlessly.)
well if you wan you can always go after your aunt and uncle since their not helping you it a sweet thing your doing darling but you are quite young to handle all this... bless you and good luck
Thanks and your right her daughter and son are the POA...but they wont care for her they are very selfish and maybe its cause im young and nieve but i dont care that im not her POA or get anything from her i jus want her taken care of i was abused as a child and my gram and my aunt were the only ones to step in and take me out of a bad situation but my aunt was only 16 at the time so taking on a child was tough and she would of not been able to do it if my gram didnt give her advice and finacial support so i feel i owe her my life...and my gram has offered to pay rent and groceries and whatever and has said she wont live with me unless i let her as i keep telling her no she wont pay for anythin i know she will i jus dont want her to have to pay alot she only gets a lil anyways from social security and my gpas retirement (who passed away) and sadly i dont make alot cause i havent graduated college yet...i jus need to find how to get like grants for a town home or something atleast handicap accesible wit 3 bdrs cause i also have a step son i have to be able to provide for. Thank you for all your guys help. I really do appreciate it.
darling i dnt know what really i could tell you if you dnt want to ask you gr grma for financial help then i dnt know what service would help you without her income
She'll find out eventually that you are looking for a bigger place (or have gotten one), so you'll have to tell her some time. In the long run, it might be best for HER if she helps pay for it. First, it might hurt her self-esteem if she doesn't help out. Second, if she doesn't spend her money on rent, utilities, etc. she may have too much to qualify for Medicaid. You'll have to decide based on her specific situation.
If you're taking care of her, has she done the paperwork to make you both her financial and health care power of attorney (POA)? Even if she can take care of those decisions for now, some day she may not be able to. Then the POA would take effect. You don't want to be in the situation of taking care of your grandmother and suddenly one of the other family members is in charge of her money and making decisions about her health care.
What you are offering to do is great, and very mature for your age (I certainly couldn't have done it at 19). You need to go the extra step to discuss finances and health care with your grandmother. You may feel like you are protecting her by not talking about it, but it is better to discuss it now and have everything out in the open. If she objects to you finding a bigger place, just explain how that is much better for you than the commute is.
I'd talk to great grandma and see if she will pitch in financially in upgrading you and her to a bigger apartment. After all, the only reason you need a bigger apartment is for her, it's only fair. I would've done the same for my grandma at 19 too, I totally get it.
Thank you, but i already take care of her from her house which is 30 mins away so its a hassel to drive up there and if i am who she wants to live with then thats what she'll get she is the reason im alive.... and i know its hard i have a fiance and a 2yr old in a little 2 bdr apt but my family is selfish and im all she has i want her last years as happy as she can be
First, why would you want to take on such a huge responsibility at 19? I understand you love her very much and she'd like to come and live with you, but how are you both going to make ends meet?
In any case, go to the local Department of the Aging for assistance. On the Web, visit nationalresourcedirectory.gov and search under "financial assistance for caregivers." Do the same at medicare.gov and disability.gov.
You have a good heart, but caring for the elderly requires the aid of other people besides you. Try sharing the responsibility with other relatives, as you'll burn out in no time once you realize you won't have much of a life for a while. ... Unless you're practicing to become a nun.
18 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Great advice ladies! If it doesn't come out in the wash, it'll come out in the rinse ... or the lint. Plus, when you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Gotta go. Have a mountain of laundry to do.
-- ED
ADVERTISEMENT
@crowemagnum: i dont have a son just a step son and i will be starting up paralegal school again in spring eventually i hope to be a judge or an advocate for girls going through domestic violence. My current job is a caregiver. I take care of a 23 yr old with dissabilities. She has the brain of an 18 month old. She is an amazing girl and i love working with her and even though she has dissabilties she is healthy so my job is secure. I get a little over 50 hours a week. But i can always take her to my house and watch her so it doesnt really seem like work...Unless she's cranky :),,sorry if i forgot any of your other questions. I wasnt expecting this many responses just came across this website when i was googling about what to do. Thank you all for your support!
Be prepared for WWIII to break out when you great grandmother decides to change those POA's. At 19 you will be up against two adults with means, experience, connections, possibly some education and they will put an enormous amount of pressure on you and your great grandmother which will probably attempt a divide and conquer triangulation approach.
You've mentioned your selfish family which I gather are your grandparents, but I've not heard how you are going to balance this with a fiance, a 2 year old and a step-son.
Are you in college? If so, how are you financing your college education and how are you providing for your immediate family's financial needs? If you are in college, what are you majoring in and what type of job are you hoping to get? If none of the above are true currently, then what type of job do you have, how secure is that position and can it realistically support the monetary needs of your immediate family plus the cost of taking care of your great grandmother.
Your heart is in the right place, but I'm concerned the realities of such a transition and then sustaining it will crush you into the pavement or to an early grave. All of this looks very bleak to me. 19 is far too young to be taking care of your parents, parents, mother.
Having said that, though, I agree with all the others above. You really do need to have your gma's PoAs in place even before she moves in with you. If she has a sudden illness, hospitals/doctors will ask for the medical PoA. You should also monitor her financial accounts, that is where a financial PoA comes into play. These papers protect your grandmother...you are not interferring with anyone else in the family because her will is the final document that divides assets.
Allow your grandmother to chip in with the rent, food, etc. You will be amazed at how much she will need such as medical equipment and other medical items....these things she should provide.
Caring for a senior is not the same as caring for a child. A senior's health will continue to decline and it is very stressful dealing with everything that comes with it.
Bless you for loving your grandmother so much that you are willing to take on this responsibility at such a young age. Just try to set emotion aside a bit and prepare as much as you can in advance. Also, there are all these great sub-headings on this site that have loads of information from experienced people. I have used these often.
Good luck...let us know how it is going.
Lilli
Also, you can't apploy for help, fill out papers, etc. without the POA. My mom recently had money withdrawn from her checking account by a gov't agency that should not have taken it. We couldn't do anything about it until we sent the POA papers. (Luckily, it was resolved quickly and painlessly.)
If you're taking care of her, has she done the paperwork to make you both her financial and health care power of attorney (POA)? Even if she can take care of those decisions for now, some day she may not be able to. Then the POA would take effect. You don't want to be in the situation of taking care of your grandmother and suddenly one of the other family members is in charge of her money and making decisions about her health care.
What you are offering to do is great, and very mature for your age (I certainly couldn't have done it at 19). You need to go the extra step to discuss finances and health care with your grandmother. You may feel like you are protecting her by not talking about it, but it is better to discuss it now and have everything out in the open. If she objects to you finding a bigger place, just explain how that is much better for you than the commute is.
Take care and good luck.
First, why would you want to take on such a huge responsibility at 19? I understand you love her very much and she'd like to come and live with you, but how are you both going to make ends meet?
In any case, go to the local Department of the Aging for assistance. On the Web, visit nationalresourcedirectory.gov and search under "financial assistance for caregivers." Do the same at medicare.gov and disability.gov.
You have a good heart, but caring for the elderly requires the aid of other people besides you. Try sharing the responsibility with other relatives, as you'll burn out in no time once you realize you won't have much of a life for a while. ... Unless you're practicing to become a nun.
Good luck.
-- ED