How can I get "me time” if my mom constantly wants to be in every room I am?

Chloesgram, who watches her during the day?! if she is able to get around so well, maybe she needs to go to daycare? Can you get someone to come in for a few hours at night to occupy her? I do not quite understand the situation. Can you explain a few details?

Just about a month ago, my Mom's activity was from the bed, to her bathroom and to her chair. Mostly, because she had something to hold on to all the way. Now, she is "hiking" around the house everywhere she shouldn't be. I cannot disappear anywhere in our home without her asking where I am or coming to look for me! It is getting old really fast. I will be on the commode and here she comes. My husband came home from work today and caught her going through the diningroom on the way to our bedroom and bath. She turned and went back to her chair when she saw him. I took a bath today and I gave her a snack and the newspaper and thought that would keep her busy, WRONG! I have a mattress leaned up against the wall from where our daughter moved back from college, so I pulled it out cross ways between the couch and doorway. I heard her coming, but she couldn't get through! At 4:00 a.m. this morning, my cat woke me up that she was prowling around in the dark. My husband had just finished saying, it wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't show up in our room looking for you! That will be her next move, I'm sure! I can't go outside. I can't go anywhere, without the 3rd degree. I need to mow when my husband weedeats, it's always been something that we enjoy doing together. There is NO together time for us anymore. We have NO private conversations whatsoever, only when we go to bed and usually before the conversation can be finished, one or the other is asleep. Has anyone experienced this before or are experiencing it now? Each week it seems like I have a new question or problem. I am at wit's end and feel like I am being punished for being frustrated. Can that be possible? All I do is pray for strength and guidance in giving Mom the best care I can, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Does any one have any ideas or helpful tips? It will be so much appreciated! Thanks!

Ms Gina: I do hope things are better for you and your Mom soon. Look in your community for the resources I mentioned in an earlier post and see if they help. God bless you and stay strong!

You all are so helpful....I will look into the senior cener here in my town. Her mother did have Alzheimer's, but she has not been diagnosed with that yet....She recently moved here from Indiana where she had been in a nursing home from September to June...thats when I went to get her. She has peripheral artery disease so mobility is limited. She has a pressure ulcer on back of her heel that has been there for better than 7 months now. The vascular doc is going to open the artery thats blocked in the next couple weeks. She has been using her walker more since we got the callus removed from the right foot...whew!!! Just one thing after another, but I thank God for letting me be able to handle this....I know its a job, but God will be pleased with me and I just wanna please Him!! So I just do what I gotta do...

If it IS dementia this is almost 'normal' for this condition. She is following you since you are now her 'center' and perhaps she doesn't feel so 'lost' when she is around you. Alzheimer's isn't forgetting HOW to do things, its forgetting WHAT things need to be done.

I went through this with my mother as her dementia progressed. My mother would almost panic if she couldn't see me, and tried to make her feel as comfortable as I could during this stage. As her condition progressed she grew ANNOYED with me when I tried to keep an 'eye' on her. "I'm not a child" she would say, and I did my best to let her have HER space, while still keeping her safe. Then it seemed like "I" was following HER around (how ironic).

To get some "ME" time for yourself, I would find a 'friend' that could come over and visit and sit with your mother, and perhaps have a cup of tea, or coffee and a chat, while you 'go to work'. YEP... I had to LIE to my mother to get the 'me' time "I" needed, but I would tell her I had to go to "work", but Missy will be here if you need anything.

Find someone (even a local respite service) that can provide you with the time you need for yourself. Granny nannies, or a similar service do 'sitting by the hour so you can 'hire' someone to help you. Whatever you do... PLEASE don't introduce them as a 'sitter' Just invite them in as a 'family friend' and then quietly excuse yourself from the room if your mother is comfortable. You may have to 'try' a few people until your mother is comfortable with someone.

Also... a SENIOR care (daycare) center can provide you with a needed break AND your mother will benefit from the interaction with others her own age. Why not try to introduce her to a local one, and take her there for lunch, and then see what her reaction is to the place. So often we don't think our loved ones will WANT to go, but if we don't try we won't know. Oh, and don't try only once! Try more than once, and then ask her what SHE can do to 'help the old people'. :)

Tell us some more about your situation and your mother's health problems?

Did she have to have to come live with you?

Is it your house?

If is not fair for you to be a prisoner in your own home.

If her doctor does not know she is behaving like this, him or her needs to be told and your mother taken in for an evaluation. This following you around thing could decline to the point she follows you into the bathroom.

If this is due to dementia, i think it is serious time to consider somewhere safer for her to go.

when my mother in law was here . she did the same thing . follow me everywhere i go . she talks her head off too ,
i give her laundry to fold , turn tv on and tell her ohh its good movie !! she will sit and watch it till she notice im gone then she get up and hunt me down .
the only time i got to have me time is when its bed time for her .
my dad cant walk so he is either on his recliner or in his bed , i have no pblm with dad . its my mother in law . she comes stays here once in a while so my brother in law can have some free time too . he cant mow the grass cuz she will follow him around while hes mowing . he tried to get her to sit down and watch him mow , she got mad and threw hot cup of coffee on him .
its terrible . i can only think when u have a me time is when its bedtime .
bless your heart .