Caregivers can't shower my father and women can't visit because my dad is sexually aggressive. How can I handle this behavioral problem?

Agree, don't wear yourself to a frazzle, seek out a program that will work for him and you. This is not unheard of and many places simply know how to deal with it.

I completely agree with Lynn! The stress to your mother needs to be taken into consideration too!

There are facilities that know how to deal with the challenges of dementia and men! It just finding one that will do so and offer VA benefits to be used.

Mr - if your dad qualifies for VA benefits - can he move into a VA nursing home? My uncle had dementia and had a bad temper. Once he was in a VA nursing home with predominantly males he was calmer and easier to get along with. He was on some mild drug but they didn't dope the heck out of him. It's like being around other men equal in strength and stuborness made him understand that he had to behave. I know it's hard to say "move him" but really, what's it doing to you? What about your Mom? Often spouses and those living with people like this area MORE stressed than the patient. You might be surprised at the sense of relief she has knowing that he won't be there to blow up.
Good luck.

Thank you all for practical ideas .I made an appt for Tues at VA w/a Resident dr. can't see his PIC til Dec. call psychologist too.When he was 43 he had 3 major strokes and was paralyzed right side.learned how to write,talk,walk. dozens of TIA's since & 1 heart attack. Heart too bad to put stints in or bypass. He's 80.Kind,gentle, wouldn't hurt a flea. Friday while visiting Mom, it all blew up. We'd already planned male come in for showers. Caregiver wanted him to get one more chance. It was criminal what he did.I feel so horrible for what she went thru.I'm horrified shocked about my Dad & Very sad to have lost the best caregiver in the world. only 2 hrs day but she was so organized frying him catfish,whatever his favorites are. she really fixed 3 meals day. Was only supposed to do 1,now they will have to find a tough guy.and he won't think to do, So back to lots more work for me. With her, all I had to do mainly was take care of bills,anything financial, Insurance, dr's visits and phone calls. She even fed me and packed up picnic lunches when we went to the VA. I know it isnt my Dad's work but I still get mad when he messes up things that took a lot of work for me to set up. The consequences fall on.me, Guess I'm on the pitypotty

If seeing his MD and getting help does not work you may have to place some nurse may decide he is being neglacted and file a report on you you could try a male aide and malecaregivers but you will still have the problem of not having female friends in your home for visits if he goes on medicaide it will be determined by his assets which is more fair than if it were a spouse-you have to decide how much his being there affectes your life.

Yes, he will still feel independent if you let him shower himself with the aid of possibly a male caregiver. They do have them, you just need to request them.
When my MIL went into ALF before here, a male caregiver came in to give her a shower and she freaked out. She told my
DPOA SIL (Durable Power of Attorney Sister-in-Law) and she, in turn, requested a female caregiver for showers. MIL got a female.

Let him shower himself and let do all he can, use a male caregiver.

Definitely speak with his physician and see what they recommend. try to establish rules and boundaries, remind him of behavior issues when they occur and hang in there. It is not uncommon but it sure is a pain in the...

Good Point I had not really even thought of that (the getting arrested) Yikes..

With frontal temporal dementia, inhibitions (sexual and verbal) no long exist. With MOST dementia(s) this is a common problem.

I don't know if there truly is a way to suppress his sexual desires, but a qualified physician should! I agree DRUGS are not the answer. There may be a hormonal issue (doubtful) or a 'mental issue' that has no other recourse.

I would hate to see your father 'arrested' for sexual assault or indecent expose! It can happen! Be careful, and mindful of these possibilities. Talk to his doctor!

I am not for drugging someone but there is obviously a problem that is going on in his brain. Many times this happens with CVA or stroke and also Alzheimer's disease or dementia.

Yes, an evaluation with his PCP and a Gereontologist (sp?) is in order.

There could be an underlying reason that is causing the problem. Is he on some medications? Is it possible that he had a stroke that caused this change in his behavior? I would definately have him checked out by the Dr and possibly even a gereontologist. take care, J

Have you had your father evaluated by his Primary Care Physician? Inappropriate behavior is unfortunate, but perhaps his doctor could help you with a plan.

You need to get help for him, so you can relax too.