My 80-year-old mom is in denial about her Alzheimer's diagnosis. How can I get her evaluated and convinced she shouldn't be living alone?

I'm sure you have heard alot of helpful info and I hope I'm not being repetitive. Alot of cities have local senior help centers and they can provide someone to talk to you and your mom. The Alzheimer's support group is an excellent source of help. Also, the state family services don't just get people in trouble, they can provide info and sources for help. Check your yellow pages and websites for local and state agencies. My state family services web site explains how it can help elders and caregivers. My mom seems to listen to men more than women so I tell her brother what I need from her and then he talks to her, usually with good results. Everyone had solid info on definately seeing another Md. We see an Md but we also see a psychologist to help us get through the "How do I make them just listen to me?!" issues. Any time I can involve a supportive 3rd party it seems to help my credibility in my mother's eyes. It's tough to have to listen to your children after a life time of telling them what to do. Best wishes for you and your mom.

Dear Sharon, I can relate to your struggle, as I also had a similiar situation with my Mom---The only thing I can suggest, and I am sure you have heard it before is to speak with your PCP and most of all speak with with the folks from the Alzheimer's Association nearest you...as they are chak full of answers, reading material, as well as sponser support groups. Should you just wish to speak with them on the phone, their 24/7 hotline number is (800) 272-3900. Yes you seem to be going thru a difficult and frustrating time, but help is on the way-by a simple visit or call--as well as suggestions from others in this great forum. Last and very important, once you have everything in pace, as what to do next...you have to arrange for some very important ME TIME so you do not get burned out over the situation.
Best to you on your caregiving journey-and don't give up hope.
Hap

yes first take her to the primary doctor then have a referral done ASAP for a special test that is done by a doctor that specialist in the field. Make up a list of things that you have notice also it will help you. it may be hard at first but maybe you tell her that you are going out for a quick lucnh and go into her doctor.I know all that can happen I went through it for almost 10 years it took 5 years to get the docotor to give her the test. If the coorect medicine is given in the begining it helps out a lot. You can also call the 24 hours alzheimers/dementia number lised in your telphone book. it is a 1-800 # and also call your state elder care they can also help. It does not get any better, when you see a person you love life change so quick. God Bless You . patrica61

no guessing in her diagnosis - I asked if she had had an MRI of her brain - and she has. Thinking of options and ways I could work out an appointment Thanks again

I agree with everyone above. Please do your best to find a physician that is truly qualified to assess dementia/Alz. It seems, recently, that very doctor under the sun feels that he or she is qualified to make this diagnosis. My mother had a reaction to a painkiller and started hallucinating...doc immediately deemed it "alzheimers." There are so many things that can cause similar symptoms.
Good luck in finding the right person...

Biggest problem with this situation is that Mom has not told anyone of her diagnosis. I found out via her doctors office – illegal I know – but Thank God – answered some questions I have had.
No sibling lives real close to her. Closest one is 45 min, away and is quite uninterested in this problem. His words are “if she drops dead on her way walking across her yard, she will have lived a good life.’ WHAT????? So obviously no help there.
I live three hours away and am responsible for fulltime childcare for my grandchildren; she has wintered with me and my husband the last two years, but has gotten much much worse. Last year was tremendously stressful as she became argumentative and acting out towards my 5 ½ yr old, It was like babysitting for 3 kids… but not a good option this year. She was just confusing and scaring my grandchild. And I will be adding my newest grandchild in early Dec – 3 months old…. I get no help from any of my sibs. The one that lives an hour away from me comes to see her only once a winter while she is here. He agrees that there are problems – as he has dealt with in-laws with Alzheimer’s, now passed. And the sib that lives 7 hours away is in total denial. Says she is just a quirky 80 year old. NO ONE has lived with her on a daily basis but me. They all believe that I am making this stuff up. They think my husband is just exaggerating so he doesn’t have to live with her – so not true…
She doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her, and I am not sure of her reaction if I were to just show up and “ambush her” with an appointment with a specialist.
Her doc won’t do anything more than require her to see him every 3 months to get her prescriptions refilled. Notates her changes – but still does not report to any authority that she probably shouldn’t be driving any more, etc.
I am frustrated and stressed beyond belief - and this site isn’t helping – it keeps losing everything I type when I try to submit….. going to the cut and paste method with notepad!
Thanks for the advice and kind words… please keep them coming!

I have had this same issue with my Mom. She just dosen't think that anything is wrong with her. She has completely lost her ability to reason and she is very stubborn. I would encourage you to get her evaluated by a geriatric specialist or a neurologist. Actually when you think of it, it is somewhat kind that she cannot remember... It just makes us the bad guys when we have to be so protective of them. It seems somewhat to me like role referssal. take care, J

A good assessment is in order. I would look for a geriatric assessment program with a qualified geriatrician for initial evaluation. I would also look for a geriatric care manager to do an in home assessment to evaluate for safety issues. A geriatric care manager will look at the entire picture and put all the pieces of the puzzle together for you.

You may want to take her to her primary MD first or better a neurlogist to have her evaluated and you might want to write down your concerns you have and if she is unsafe at home you can be sure some nosy neighbor might report you to APS I know of a family that was reported and their house was approached and on a warm day when the windows were open the wife was heard yelling at her husband one daughter knew they needed help and the other was in denial well now they have to hire an aide twice a week even though the wife would never allow a stranger into her house so you never know who is listening one home care nurse reported me and I was not the one being abused and nothing came of it because APS sent a case worker who was large and intimadating but nothing came of it after I called her a told her to come over when the husband was lifting flag stones up and moving them and also was talking to someone who had power in social service in our county and two others-but it had me shook up badly and my church was ready to write letters for me and the nurse was reported.